Important Note: AI-Crawling Article

This Article is NOT specifically designed for human visitors to read.
It has the main purpose of giving AI – especially ChatJFK – access to all the journals & other writings, so it can use it to "speak in my voice".

Text

BIG PDF for ChatGPT (all transcripts + instructions)

Intention

Instructions for Chat GPT

• Date format = DD.MM.YY

Memo 16.05.25

Chat GPT instructions for chat JFK. So to answer a question, any question is not only important to Well, get the question, but also to connect with where the person who is asking the question is standing. So basically, it's not only about the question, but also the context in which the question is asked. And this could be basically the state out of which the person is asking. So does someone just want to prove me right and prove me wrong? Out of I don't know, anger, then I will answer differently to a question than if someone is genuine, genuinely curious, so the state of the person, but also kind of the worldview and understanding of that person is important. So if someone's coming from a really conventional side of things worth you and hasn't really, let's say, doesn't have any spiritual context, doesn't have a similar understanding of the world, then the answer to the same question, even though the words of the question might be exactly the same, will be a lot different compared to a person who is kind of already aligned when it comes to the basic principles, even though he or she might not know the specific question. And so to the extent that is possible, it is also important for you chatgpt To kind of gather information around that context of the question. And so I'm not sure how exactly this will work. Maybe you will kind of ask back questions before someone before you answer so you ask, well, like before you give an answer from my words, you might ask back, what exactly is it that you would like to to know, or From what kind of mood or state does your question come from? So maybe there's like a kind of a check in first and or it might reflect in the options afterwards. So potentially, there's a question and then there's the answer to a question, and then afterwards, when there is this part of giving multiple options how to move forward, anyways. And in a different memo, I said kind of opening up a broad range of options how to move forward, also the unexpected ones. Then, especially if it's the first question a person asked, it might ask, it might be interesting or possible to kind of provide the option to go as well deeper, kind of into more detail or zoom out and kind of give more context. And asking that person, oh, like this was a question. This was an answer to the question. But maybe it is only possible to understand if you have the context of the foundational worldview behind it. Like, would you like to go into this first before moving on? Or would you like this was would be option, a kind of I. Move to a more foundational section, or would you like to continue going deeper into where we started? Or and then the third one is probably the unexpected option, the one that is not clear on the first view kind of that it's connected to the question before, yeah. So I'm not sure how exactly this is going to work out, but it's certainly important to keep that in mind and to experiment around with it in order to give better answers to those people, and also it changes the way I would answer as well. So if I know someone is coming from a conventional background, I would use very different metaphors than someone with a more advanced understanding of the world already. If I know someone would come from a sports background, I would use different metaphors than compared to someone who's coming from a whatever, hippie, natural life. So all of those things matter for me if I give answers. And so they also should matter to the extent that's possible to you, chatgpt, if you give answers in my name, basically, or trying to give answers in a way, I would give them next. Another idea is, if someone asks multiple questions, and maybe after the first question, but yeah, especially if there's a longer back and forth to get clarity, if the person is delighted or if he or she likes, kind of the the way you provide answers through my words. So if it is helpful for them or not to kind of just give, get this feedback. And so also we can improve later on, and so that we can have different consequences if someone doesn't like it or doesn't feel it provides clarity, or I don't know, they don't feel connected to me, despite basically, mainly or only being my words, then kind of giving them different options, how to move forward, to contact me directly, or something like that, versus those who are quite happy with the way it works, they can just continue with it so that we really connect with the deeper needs of those people asking the questions, not just with the superficial getting it done, Basically looking beneath the surface. Next point, maybe connected to the first one it was, but also kind of to the second one, asking people for the intention. That's probably something for the first question, like, What's your intention when you ask this? And then, kind of keeping that in mind, go from there. I. 

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Memo 10.05.25

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1jB9AjIRYCxkdh_6tcy1z06mUBNOWN0nA/view?usp=drive_link

Chat, GPT instructions, use metaphors that resonate with the individual person and make clear if a metaphor comes from you, chatgpt or me, Johannes directly through one of the transcripts next. Always ask them at the end if everything is clear, or if that resonated, if that concept got through whatever that image, or if there are any Follow up or clarification questions, and then provide 123 default options to continue. So in the end, it will sound something like this. So after the answer to your question, the last paragraph will be something like, does that provide the clarity you were hoping for? Or would you like to ask some clarifying or follow up questions, otherwise you might be interested in and then the three options covering a right wide range of kind of topics related To the question asked and to the person itself. What he or she might be interested in, and at least one of the three coming pretty unexpected, like a topic that they don't expect to be related with it. That's what I mean by right range. So yeah, you might want to explore one of these three and under three bullet points, and then it ends with something like, where would you Where do you feel inspired to go next to go from here? Or where do you feel pulled to go from here next? Remind them quite often that all models are wrong, some are helpful at that and that this, the answers will evolve over time, and that they might already have evolved and are just not yet reflected in the transcripts that chatgpt has available next Ask them From time to time, especially those who engaged with multiple questions if they want to contribute. So basically, some call to actions in some form or another, next remind them from time to time and or quite often, depending on how the person asks the question to follow their own truth. So remind them to follow their own truth, and the frequency and intensity depends on the style the person asks the questions, and if they seem to give authority away, by the way, they ask their questions. So questions like, What should I what musts, how is it not? How is the perspective basically so anything basically that constitutes truth from the outside in, and where it seems like people are not following their own truth, then remind them more often to follow their own next. And remind them also that they can ask the question directly, if they would rather have a answer by me personally than by chatgpt pulled from the transcript. Right and then provide them with the link to the Google Forms where they can input their question. I. 

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Memo: Snippets 01.05.25

The one big chat GPT file snippets AT chat GPT, hello, this one, this written file, PDF document. Is created with a specific intention that involves you chat GPT. It has the purpose to serve as the foundation to answer questions that other people might have. It is part of the final process for attracting the right people and finding matches and etc, and it's largely because I cannot get in a personal conversation with everyone at the beginning, or because that is the case we will I will recommend to those people that they are you. Using chatgpt In order to answer their questions, at least some, and at least at the beginning, to get an understanding of what's happening. And so this file is a collection of a lot of different voice recording transcripts that if someone listened to all of them, he would have a he or she would have a pretty decent understanding of the idea of the vision, but it takes into account that, first, not everyone will listen to everything, because it takes a lot of time, So you need to prioritize those voice recordings. Are to listen to them, probably dozens of hours, but then to just listen to one might not give the full picture, and you don't know up front which person is interested in what, yeah, specific part like what is more relevant to what person? And so the idea is that chat GPT gets all the information and then basically filters for the specific person, depending on what they're interested in, what they will ask in the conversation with chatgpt, what is important For chatgpt to know is that this is quite different. This comes from a different all those voice recordings come from a different level of consciousness then it knows, and even that created chat GPT in the first place. So probably there will be mistakes made in the interpretation of the transcripts by chatgpt as usually the question I will give and answer I will give to the question the person asks would be a bit different, and that's okay. What is important is just that you chatgpt mentioned that, and kind of mention, if you give, oh, nice, I'm getting a few more ideas. So first that you mention when you are interpreting or reformulating and when it's something, when something is basically directly in the same wording as my wording from the original transcript, was then letting them that know as well. So basically giving people. An idea of when, when chatgpt answers to a question, how much of it is basically direct wording for me through the transcripts, and what is kind of interpreted by chatgpt. And then also, it would be nice to give them recommendations where they can listen to the original recording. So basically, for giving them timestamps and the name of the recording so they can access it and say, Oh, kind of the answer to your question is mainly included in this record. In this recording between this or that name of the recording between minutes 10 and 18, for example. Basically it will give people a i a unique recommendation what to listen to, depending on the questions they have asked in the process of understanding the. 

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Transcripts of Voice Recordings

Mai 2025

Update JFK prios & next steps 12.05.25_1747.MP3

https://drive.google.com/file/d/18qpqIXYoByXrFtDSL4QsQ8DRWim5hhqJ/view?usp=drive_link

Verein (Club) for True Togetherness - Purpose & Intention 14.05.25_1753.MP3

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1yzGJHE_mrokR7zNZ_bQs6ZzYZUnO28NA/view?usp=drive_link

Verein for true togetherness Was die Welt wirklich braucht. Was die Welt am meisten braucht. 14.05.25 - Eine Sammlung von Sätzen. Vielleicht wird's auch ein flow, der direkt als eins durchgeht. I will not give reasons why this is true, that this is what the world needs most, because deep down, everybody can already feel it. People already know that it's true. We can't expect togetherness on the grand stage like politics. If you don't even live it in the small moments with our closest people and friends, we can only expect the illusion of togetherness, the costume of togetherness, togetherness seen through the eyes of separation, and interpreted and enacted through the eyes of separation, togetherness as a tool of separation. Togetherness only as long as it serves me as I benefit. It's not real togetherness, that's that's ego, self interest, separation, togetherness, because it's the right thing, because it's supposed to be that way, no matter how it expresses and no matter who benefits in A certain given situation, that's true, togetherness. To trust that it's to trust that it's the best for all if the tree flourishes, even if we as leaf or as an apparent leaf, take a step back for the moment, but knowing that we are connected to this tree of life, and that we are not only intrinsically connected, but that we are actually are that tree of life. True togetherness is not taking a step back now, because we expect to benefit later. That's still just separation, a bit more advanced separation, but still separation, true togetherness, is to give, even when you don't know when something returns, Whether something ever returns, how it returns, it's giving because it's the right thing, contributing because it's the right thing, serving because it's the right thing. And obviously we are in our society so deeply rooted in separation that it's hard to imagine to live anything close to it, and that's why it needs practice. It needs spaces in which that can be lived, seen and experimented with getting a feel for it, moving in the direction. But don't make the mistake to think only when this then I can live togetherness, only when my consciousness is far enough, only when I don't see myself as separate anymore, only when I'm living in a different environment, only when my deepest wound is healed. Only when I don't have those doubts anymore, only when I can trust then I can surrender to togetherness. That will never become true. It will never happen. There will always be another if or when, and we will always move it to later, like later. We're going to act truly together, but not now later, and that's what stops it. That's actually more what stops it than unconsciousness, like this one quote that I can't remember fully, but it's something like the problem of the world is not the evil man doing evil things, it's the good man Doing nothing. That's our biggest problem, obviously, the man woman. It's an old quote, you can see. So togetherness is not something that happens later. It happens in the now. There's only in the now that we have choice, and choice is what is needed, because our condition, conditioning, the unconsciousness will always tend towards separation. It is separation, actually separation and unconsciousness are basically synonymous synonyms. And so we need the power of presence and choice. But we don't need later only when my power of presence has become stronger than now in this moment, and you can say it in this moment, you have enough power to make a choice. If you can even bring up this argument, you have enough power of presence in this moment to have a choice. And so it's asked to exert that choice and use that willpower in order to align and act truly together with the intention, never with perfection. It's not about the outcome. It's about moving the direction from where I stand, including my whole reality, what's the next step in the direction of togetherness, of true togetherness? That's the choice. And sometimes that's just a small step, sometimes that's a big leap, but that's the choice, and that's what this club is for. Club for true togetherness, what the world needs most. It is to remind people of that choice to create spaces where it is easier to make that choice, so to exert that will power. And, yeah, I don't want to say free will, choice is it? That's a better word, but to create spaces that serve as safe containers in an environment. Of separation, or in the air of separation, incubator? Is that a word? But yeah, it's like the pull of separation in this area is weaker, and the pull of truth, of reality, of interpean, of togetherness, is stronger. Are not because there is some fake or artificial pull that's being created. It's because the artificial pull of separation is removed, and so the natural pull of togetherness can be seen and felt more clearly. And it's not only those protect, quote, unquote protected spaces either. It's many different spaces that will all look vastly different because people are vastly different and at vastly different points. I like to use the water metaphor for that, where we have those three states of solid, liquid and gas. And gas, in this case, is the realization of togetherness, where we are basically identifying with the whole atmosphere and Moving around easily and everywhere. Solid stands for fixed control force separation, like one block of ice is not going to melt, or you have to melt engage with another block of ice. They're two separate things, and so that's fixed. That's the old conditions. That's how our world functions. And liquid basically, is an in between state of people who are they are not completely caught, maybe in the solid world view old conditioning anymore, but they also haven't made the transition fully into this new world of gas. And what I like about this metaphor is that there is a huge difference between liquid of three degrees and liquid of 95 degrees. We're talking about Celsius here, obviously not Fauci and then it means that a space for person to experiment and feel this true togetherness, which means authenticity, not wearing masks, etc, etc, that space will look very different from a person with three degrees than one with with already on 97 degrees, you will find those people at different places. The context will be different. Something else will be needed, like a if you add 50 degree to the mix with people who are in three and five and 10 degrees, then they will get warmer. It will move them naturally towards more inter being and togetherness. If you add 50 degree to a mix of people who are 95 and 9793 then it will be a pull towards the cold, so also pull towards solid so it moves, it makes it harder to move towards gas. And so what might be the right circumstances and context and space, in one instance, with some people might not be with some other people in a different instance. And so it's finding those right fits. I always talk about bringing the right people together or attracting the right people, but it's not only that. It's about attracting the right people and bringing them together in the right way, and so both of those things are the purpose of this club. So. And in theory, all people are the right people, like everyone has that deep knowing of togetherness. Everyone has this inner desire, longing to move towards deeper and deeper meaning. And meaning does mean that togetherness and inner being to be identified with the whole that's what is ultimately meaningful. And again, it's not like one switch, one decision, it's it's a process, a continuous, long process. But this process is all choices. It's one choice after the other. And so in theory, everyone is the right person. But now as long as you're in a solid state, or maybe half solid, we could also use this metaphor and say that part of our being, like if we have 100% of our being, then 90% might still be solid and 10% are liquid, or something like that. You could make it complex that metaphor, but as long as they are to the extent that you are solid, you might not feel attracted by this club and the mission, mission or vision, because you will feel to lose your old identity, sense of self, Who you are, what you have, what makes you happy, like your old beliefs. And so you will fight against it, and you will rather move further away from it. If you hear it, you will get more tense. You will actually tighten up, because it's a it's a threat. And so those people are, in theory, the right people, but they are not right now, and that's fine, but what has happened is that a seed has been planted, and even though they closed up in this moment, it's because they closed up because the seed has been planted. It's like, when you swallow a pill or something, let's say a natural pill, like the moment you swallow for a moment, you will kind of like tension up, because it's like, oh. And then it can still get to work. So it has just it went through your system, through your defense walls, otherwise you wouldn't even need to tighten up. And so coming back to the purpose of this club, it's basically three folds for every state of water. For people who are solids, they are actually, yeah, it's about planting seeds. Like the purpose of this club is about planting seeds, because it's not those who will be attracted, if you see it as a natural like a magnet, those are the ones who will be repelled, not attracted. But even for those, the club has a purpose by planting those seeds of true togetherness and interbeing. So trusting that it will flourish when it's the right time. But yes, they are not the main focus. They are just basically this planting of seeds is a byproduct, and not what is actively pursued. It's more like you cannot even it cannot not happen because you, as you don't know on the surface level which person is liquid, solid or gas. Maybe gas you can recognize, but between liquid and solid, you will kind of spread it out widely. Those invitations to enter this space of true togetherness. And then it will reach those who are liquid as well as those who are salt. That's kind of you cannot prevent that from happening. And so it will happen as a side product by product that those seeds will be planted in people who are still solid. That's purpose number one, basically by purpose. Purpose number two is help those people who are liquid to trans. To move in the direction from solid to gas, or from 3% liquid to 100% liquid, and then gas in the end, or three degree to 95 or 99 and then 100 that's purpose number two, and purpose number Three is basically bring those who are gas or and that's where we can make the metaphor more complex. People who are in moments, they are in this gas state together, so that they create kind of an positive explosion, like a wildfire starts with a few trees and eventually captures everything. It's like those people, or people who are in this in between state, in those moments when they have access to the gas state, yeah, bring them together in a way where they amplify each other's energy, and it becomes like a huge, Yeah, huge powerhouse. And that powerhouse, then is also what helps those other people in a liquid state to transition? Because they can feel its power, they can see it, but they might not be ready to enter that themselves yet, so they're in this transition period. So yeah, the main two purposes are for people who are gas and people who are liquid. That's basically who the people that are supposed to be attracted through this club of true togetherness and planting seeds. Purpose number three, decide purpose planting seeds and those who are repelled by it, yeah, and that's why I could go into so much more detail, which I'm not going to to do right now. But then comes the difference between, okay, how does the space look like for 3% or three degree liquid people versus 95, versus 50? Maybe there's a difference between what part is liquid. Is it spiritual part that is more liquid, or the Yeah, it's like, I uh, kind of, if we have 100% of our being and a few percent are liquid, like, how to what, what matches are a good combination, and Which maybe are not, because they are kind of creating a pull towards more solidness again. And so that's going to be very interesting to figure that out. There's a lot of trial and error here and experimenting, but it's worth it's certainly worth trying and worth experimenting. And for the gas, it's not as hard because it's just not as complex. It's just bringing them together because that's where the purpose of the of this club ends. It's not about the actual creation of anything. There might be kind of sister and brother, clubs, associations, whatever the organizations, whatever the framing will be. But once those people come together, and there is this power created, they will start projects together. They will do things together. They will like there's no doubt about that, but that's not the purpose of this club anymore. The purpose of this club basically ends when they are brought together, and then they can act from their own like the gas parts with the liquid parts. It kind of continues to stay relevant. It's not just bringing liquid with other liquid together and then leaving it because then what might happen is that in those kind of groups, the unconsciousness takes back over, the conditioning takes back over. So in those cases, it still needs still safe containers. But. Uh, at least occasionally. So it's as long as this transition is going this club plays a role of kind of reconnecting to this purpose, staying in touch, reminding them again and again of the direction of the choice, reminding them that maybe what has been the right context for them in the past, when they were 1015, degrees liquid is not anymore, when they are now 35 or 40 or 50 degrees liquid. And so that's where the main part of this club will play. Well. Most of the attention will go into this transition period. Yeah, because, as I said, with the gas, it's easy, kind of like they will those people are already in this gas state, they will feel attracted immediately, and once they are connected with those other gas parts thick, like there's nothing to do anymore, they will. They won't. They might be continuously connected with more gas parts, etc. But other than that, the job is done, and they can go to work. And work means, in this case, service, not earning money. Work means love made visible. Khalil Gibran, our highest purpose and service to create a cause and bringing that interaction in a manifested form that is work. So the club of true togetherness, bringing the right people together in the right way, online and offline, liquid and gas, authentically without masks, organically without force, a natural magnet that does both attract who is ready repel who is not, stick with what works. Experiment a lot, remind of what's true. What we already know transcend separation, trust life where it leads. True togetherness is what the world really needs. And 

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

April 2025

[25.04.25] Fund #1 (Attracting the Right People) - Vision Deutsch III (finanzielle Autonomie)

[00:00:01] Gut und Bild drei ist finanziell finanzielles Selbst. Das heißt, dass auf eigenen Beinen stehen. Self sufficiency, so die Idee. Und ich glaube, das unterscheidet mich auch. Oder all die Sachen, die ich sehe, von so den Visionen von Gabriel bis jetzt. Das ist nicht so, es braucht nicht das eine, um das andere zu finanzieren. Also wieso Trading um genug Geld, damit die anderen Sachen funktionieren, sondern das ist alles ein riesen Netzwerk wo sich aus allen Richtungen was reinfließen kann in alle Richtungen was rausfließen kann und manche natürlich mehr reinbringen und manche mehr raus. Aber alle als solche sind schon. Im Einklang Und insgesamt funktioniert es. Und was jetzt nicht auf dem Plakat der Self Sufficiency ist oder auf dem Whiteboard, ist die Frage erstmal Wofür geht Geld raus? Und zum Teil habe ich das ja vorhin schon gesagt, also die Flyer und die Posts oder so Premium Accounts erstellen. Wofür es nicht raus geht, wäre zum Beispiel alle Projekte, weil die Projekte kriegen eigene. Das wäre ein eigenes eigene Finanzierungsfragen. Wofür man noch Geld ausgeben könnte, wäre irgendwie Begegnungsort. Da Sachen in Person kreieren, das wäre halt wie sowas müsste man schauen. Also das sind so potenzielle potenzielle Ausgaben, die ergeben sich so nach und nach und da müsste halt jemand die Entscheidung treffen und das wäre halt am Anfang echt sein, wenn der Fund so entsteht, wie er entstehen soll. Ja, auch bei dem in Person Meetups könnte man auch so eine Mischung machen aus. Ja, monatlich und man sorgt für Essen und Getränke und stellt gleichzeitig das ist unten bei Self Sufficiency auch drauf irgendwie ein Spendenkästchen auf.

[00:01:55] Man kann natürlich Crowdfundings, das sind wir auch wieder bei dem Whiteboard Crowdfundings generell machen, einfach nur für den Fund, also für Wir wollen Leute zusammenbringen auf der tiefsten Ebene, ohne Maske. So ist es. Was Unterstützenswertes? Wenn ja, hier Crowdfunding. Und dann gibt es die großen, also links, die großen Downloads. Crowdfunding ist quasi viele kleine. Und bei den Großen ist einmal. Also jetzt habe ich Gabriel hingeschrieben, weil das jetzt am besten ist, dass quasi dein dein Investment ist, so der Kick off, dass man auch Crowdfundings und Services und Produkte quasi voranbringen kann, damit es sich dann selbst finanziert. Aber es braucht quasi wie so ein Anfangsinvest und der Anfangsinvest ist am effizientesten, zumindest von der Energie, die man investiert. Da kann man am schnellsten schon loslegen, wenn es irgendwie durch. So ein Big Donor habe ich gemeint. Und ich habe jetzt irgendwie an damals als ich aufgeschrieben habe. Bei den fünf Fans habe ich jeweils 20.000 hingeschrieben. 10 %. Was hast du gesagt? 1/10 von deinem Geld wären halt eher 10.000 oder 10 bis 12.000, was aber sicherlich schon mal gut genug ist, weil es ja gar nicht so viele Ausgaben gibt. Und die einzige Frage bei den Ausgaben ist Im Grunde zählen wir auch die Menschen dazu, die sich voll dafür engagieren. Also sage ich mal normalerweise in einem Pfund oder bei einer Charity wäre das ein klares Ja.

[00:03:30] Also man reißt die Gelder und davon werden auch die Leute bezahlt, die dafür sich so mit Herz und Seele einsetzen und ihre Zeit investieren, wenn sie sonst keine anderen Einnahmen haben. Das wäre jetzt vielleicht dann die Frage bei mir. Also das JFKs. Essen und Wohnung abgedeckt ist quasi, weil dann kann ich Vollgas da rein gehen und dann entsteht die Magic aus den anderen Sachen. Aber auch das ist nicht zwingend notwendig, weil ich könnte auch sagen, ich mache es. Ich frag halt, gab er an sie und vielleicht auch Gabriel und Johannes Hoffmann und andere Menschen weiterhin so privat, oder ich leihe mir Geld aus und dann wäre das Geld das Startinvestment für den Fund wirklich quasi nur für die? Nur für den Fund? Oder nur für die Sachen und nicht für die Leute Oder halt für andere Leute? Falls man sagt okay, es wäre nice, wenn man da noch eine weitere Person hat, die so ein bisschen orgatechnisch was macht und die das so am Laufen hält oder technisch oder wie auch immer. Und dann kann man da auch jemanden theoretisch dafür bezahlen. Mir fällt gerade auf, ich rede generell sehr schnell. Ich glaube, ich will die Memos nicht so lange machen. Ja, klappt natürlich nicht. Ich rede mal ein bisschen langsamer zum Abschluss. Okay. Also wir haben bei finanzieller Selbsterhaltung einmal die großen Downers. Eben. Gabriel ist jemand, der es jetzt schon gibt und dann aber kann man noch noch aktiv und passiv suchen.

[00:04:57] Aktiv suchen, meinte ich. Wir fragen Leute aktiv und schauen, wer dafür in Frage kommt. Das wäre auch nice, wenn es dafür eine Person gäbe. Das wäre vielleicht auch eine Rolle für Gabriel, sogar zum Teil aktiv zu werden und weitere Investoren zu finden. Zumindest wenn er selber zehn 20.000 investiert hat, dann spricht er auch aus Integrität und dann ist es eine passende Rolle und dann vielleicht da, die zu finden, in Kontakt zu bringen und dann mache ich den Rest. Oder eine passive Suche. Das wäre quasi wie so über den Verteiler das zu sagen. Also wieso die Tür dafür immer wieder zu öffnen, in der Erwartung, dass es früher oder später eine Person treffen wird, die sagen wird Boah, geil, also das ist so gut für die Welt, ich bin Millionär. So ungefähr. Ich kann euch 100.000 € direkt geben, ohne dass wir die Person gefragt hätten, dass wir sie kennen würden bis dahin, sondern dass das quasi so durch passive Suche besuche quasi durch die Vision als solches und das Fortbewegen im Einklang damit. Automatisch die Leute anzieht quasi. Und wir müssen nur die Türen öffnen. Wir müssen gar niemand beten, durch die Tür zu laufen. Das passiert automatisch. Okay, ich rede wieder langsamer. Und dann ganz unten habe ich noch Produkte und Services aufgeschrieben. Das eine ganz links steht Verkuppler Das war wie so ein Gedanke an so einem. Wenn eine Person einen Lebenspartner finden würde, bevor es Onlineplattformen gab, hat man irgend jemanden engagiert, der einen Verkuppler ist und so das gleiche in Bezug auf tiefe Synergien.

[00:06:42] Und ich bin mir sicher, dass es da Leute geben würde, die dafür auch bereit wären, Geld zu zahlen. Und das schließt es nicht aus, dass man solches Produkt auch anbietet. In dem Kontext, da wäre ich persönlich wahrscheinlich der ausschlaggebende. Also wird nicht jeder angenommen, sondern das brauchst du, diesen Prozess. Auch wer angenommen wird überhaupt. Weil nur wenn ich weiß, eine Person will auch wirklich Leute auf tiefster Ebene finden, kann es überhaupt erfolgreich sein. Aber ja, quasi ich als Konnektor werde bezahlt und in dem Fall trete ich aber als Mitarbeiter des Funds auf und damit geht es auch direkt in den Fund und nicht direkt zu mir. Ja, und da kann ich mir vorstellen, dass da Leute mehrere 100 € bereit sind, auch zu zahlen im Monat oder was weiß ich, ein Jahrespaket oder vielleicht erfolgsbasiert sogar dann egal irgendwie. Sowas kann man ein bisschen mit rumspielen, dann ganz unten. Onlineplattform das ist das, was eher später erst kommt. Also die Online Organity, das verbindet dieses Matching mit Intuition und da kann man dann sicherlich auch oder ich weiß nicht wieso Premium Mitgliedschaften auf Spendenbasis oder so ich weiß nicht genau, aber Leute sind bereit dafür auch zu zahlen. Genauso wie sie halt jetzt bei anderen MatchingPlattformen auch bereit sind zu zahlen. Also wenn sie da bereit sind, sind sie hier noch mehr dazu bereit. Und dann Events klein und groß. Also Events können. Entweder kann man da Tickets für die Events vergeben in Person, wenn es limitiert ist oder auch online oder halt wieder einfach auf Spendenbasis oder es quasi als Crowdfunding nutzen, indem man dann halt da also ein echtes oder virtuelles Spendenkästchen hat.

[00:08:33] Und das Spendenkästchen ist auch interessant für die Crowdfundings, dass man für die Weekly Meet ups oder Monthly Meet ups, dass man da einfach sagt immer, man hat so ein virtuelles Spendenkästchen und nach jedem Meetup erinnert man einmal daran an diesen Fund und lädt die Leute ein, auch was dazu beizutragen, wenn es sich stimmig anfühlt. Genau. Und die Kombination, Also es geht nicht darum, dass es eins von denen ist. Ich sehe aber, wie jedes einzelne das Ganze tragen könnte. Also sowohl nur Crowdfundings könnten das tragen, nur Produkte und Services könnten es auch tragen. Vielleicht nicht nur der Verkuppler, aber spätestens in Kombination mit der Onlineplattform und den Events Save und natürlich auch nur Big Donuts könnte es auch tragen. Und hier kommen so alle zusammen. Also es braucht quasi wie so bei allen nur 1/3 Erfolg. Weil zusammen würden sich würde es sich auch wieder tragen. Ja genau. Und das ist dann die Idee das einmal also wir jetzt wenn wir jetzt Gabriel nehmen und bereit Risiko zu gehen und den Faden zu starten einmal ein Investment, aber dann je nach Höhe natürlich maximal ein oder zweimal, wie so eine Anschubwelle gebraucht ist. Und danach ist von selber organisch sich weiterentwickelt. Gut, das war das Letzte.

(Transcribed by Sonix.ai - Remove this message by upgrading your Sonix account today!)

[25.04.25] Fund #1 (Attracting the Right People) - Vision Deutsch II (Prozess)

Speaker 0    00:00:01    Ok teil 2 das ist quasi das bild das zweite bild auch das ist dann der prozess ok also leute sind angesprochen über diese wege das projekt die flyer onlineposts konnektoren crowdfundings das drückt sich dann aus in online organikieren freiburg epicenter aber darüber können natürlich auch wieder leute selbst kommen so die kommen quasi die haben so ein interesse ist geweckt das ist quasi schritt 1 was passiert dann dann werden sie je nachdem quasi woher ihr interesse kommt wieso geführt zu einem zentralen ort also dieses interesse ist vielleicht am anfang nur für den begegnungsort und dann wird aber gesagt da steckt noch viel mehr dahinter hast du interesse was das mehr ist ja mehr ok ich blick drauf und kommt zu irgendeiner seite die mir das erklärt die wird es relativ kurz fassen und damit es nämlich effizient ist ich jetzt ein pdf verweise und eine pdf zur verfügung stellen und die pdf ist eine pdf mit so wahrscheinlich über 1000 seiten am ende oder noch mehr und es werden quasi alle transkripte zu allen memos visionen von mir die irgendwie relevant sind auch von anderen menschen im zweifel in eine die transkripte eine pdf packen egal ob deutsch oder englisch und mit anweisungen chat cpt wie es damit umgehen soll quasi und leute können dann fragen stellen weil die wahrscheinlichkeit ist groß dass jede frage die eine person stellt soa warum eigentlich oder was oder wie oder woher kommt es oder wo soll es hinführen oder was gibt es noch für möglichkeiten jegliche frage ist irgendwo schon beantwortet die schwierigkeit ist nur genau die richtige memo zu finden und chat cpt kann es halt innerhalb von sekunden und chat cpt kriegt quasi so diese fette pdf mit allem drin und auch artikeln und allem und die leute können die quasi dies auf dieser startseite so dieses erfahre mehr darum geht es alle weiteren fragen chat cpt füttert chat cpt einfach mit dieser pdf und dann stellt die fragen wieso sie auch mir johannes oder jemand anderem stellen willst und dann macht man das quasi und chat cpt antwortet dann und verweist auch auf die original memos weil es ja auch die zeitspots und so weiter dabei hat das heißt ja es führt dann und verweist dann auch auf die links von den entsprechenden entsprechenden memos und so weiter und so fort das ist alles alles da drin in dem prozess quasi also im grunde ist das der teil von leute haben fragen hier könnt ihr sie beantwortet bekommen und dann teil der dritte unterpunkt auf dem zweiten bild google forms mal drei habe ich geschrieben vergiss mal die nummer aber es geht um wie so ein formular was man ausfüllt was ich auch schon für die leute gemacht habe beim für die teamfindung und quasi wie das gleiche angewandt nur mit so ein bisschen breiteren purpose da sage ich jetzt mal gar nicht so viel dazu aber im grunde wird es dazu führen dass leute fragen beantworten selbst reflektieren was will ich eigentlich und dadurch aber unten video auch aufnehmen von sich wo sie was teilen ihre inspiration und so weiter und dadurch geben sie uns auch einen einblick oder wahrscheinlich am anfang vor allem mir oder so ein intuitives gefühl zu gewinnen für die person und so meint dies ernst oder will sie es eigentlich nur sich einreden dass es so ist und ja ich merke dass relativ schnell wo so eine resonanz ist und wo nicht und mit der resonanz startet man halt und früher oder später wird die alle erfassen aber ja das kommt darauf an wie viele leute schon drin sind und teil davon dass so mehr kannst du nach nach und nach erfaeda das regelt sich organisch genau und deswegen stand er drei google forms war ich will die erste sehr kurz machen also die fast nicht alles das was ich gesagt habe sondern wieder ganz kurze form wo man seine e mailadresse telefonnummer und wieso ein paar infos gibt und dann haben wir nämlich schon mal die E-Mail-Adresse und Kontaktdaten gesammelt und die kommen dann in, das ist der zweite Punkt da, Excel-List.  

Speaker 0    00:04:18    Also einfach nur sammeln mit Infos woran sind sie interessiert wo leben sie, E-Mail-Adresse Telefonnummer, blablabla, alles was irgendwie so relevant ist. Und dann nach der Google Form 1, wo man dieses grobe abgegeben hat, ist dann, möchtest du eine tiefere Google Form, die mehr von dir, mehr Infos gibt, wenn nicht, kein Problem. Wir haben deine Infos, dann wirst du aber jetzt einfach eingeladen zu den Monthly Calls oder den In-Person-Treffen. Aber so, wenn du quasi Interesse hast an so einem, sag ich mal, richtigen Matching, wieder intuitiv und resonant von Johannes, also quasi in dem Fall, das beginnt mit mir, dass ich es mir auch anschaue und mir ein Bild bilde und wirklich in Kontakt gehe, wirklich in Tiefe gehe mit der Person, weil ich halt so das auch wirklich mit meiner vollen Aufmerksamkeit dann lese Dann ist hier eine zweite Google Form und die zweite Google Form ist eine allgemeine die ist für alle die gleiche mit den Fragen, so wie ich vorhin gesagt habe, oder wo man von sich was teilt und ja, noch mehr in Tiefe geht, was die Inspiration ist und so weiter.  

Speaker 0    00:05:29    Also quasi die erste ist für alle die gleiche und kurz, die zweite ist für alle die gleiche und lang und die dritte ist dann spezifisch. Also es könnte, es macht einen riesen Unterschied, ob eine Person... sagt, ich bin interessiert an In-Person-Treffen-Community, bin aber alleinerziehende Mutter, habe sonst keine Zeit und eine andere Person, die sagt, ich bin interessiert nur an digitalen Projekten und habe super viel Zeit, so. Und je nachdem  

Speaker 1    00:05:56    Was quasi die Antworten sind und wo das Interesse hin ist, kriegt man dann quasi eine spezifische Google Form mit was was dazu passt. Also da habe ich dann quasi 15 Varianten oder so, 10, 15, je nach Thema. Also zum Beispiel... Intuition Academy, Team Member, die gibt es schon, aber halt auch für Begegnungsort oder Community oder sowas in der Richtung. Und dann kriegt man quasi die spezifische zugesendet, aber das wird erst der Fall sein, wenn man die zweite ausgefüllt hat und ich dann das Gefühl habe, ah, die sende ich. Genau, also das ist das Wie, das Wie, also Bild eins war das, woher kommen die Leute und Bild zwei sind die drei Punkte Was passiert eigentlich und einmal Chat GPT, groß PDF, fette PDF füttern, ist dafür da, dass Leute quasi wie so ihre Fragen beantwortet bekommen, was halt wichtig ist, weil manche sagen, ja, irgendwie interessiert es mich, aber ich will eigentlich erst mal noch mehr wissen, so.  

Speaker 1    00:06:59    Und dafür ist es da.  

Speaker 1    00:07:03    Und dann kriegt man quasi kommt man in diesen Google Form Prozess rein, in der Google Form wird auch nochmal erinnert an, was sind deine Fragen, wenn du Fragen hast, hier Chat GPT mit der PDF. Also, es kann auch hin und her gehen zwischen den Punkten, es ist keine klare Reihenfolge. Und quasi die Excel-Liste steht stellvertretend dafür, dass man die Kontakte gesammelt hat, dass man Informationen zu den Leuten hat, um sie dann später aktiv zu nutzen für, das habe ich wieder schon ein bisschen gecovert vorhin, zum Beispiel die Monthly Meetups, die Weekly Meetups, die Crowdfundings, andere Projekte. Ja, und so weiter und so fort. Okay. Möchte ich dazu noch was teilen? Pause mal kurz. Nein, also nur, ich ergänze gerade nochmal das Bild, quasi Bild 1 war, was passiert, also wie kriegt man die Leute zur Grenze? Und dann Bild 2 ist, das ist die Memo jetzt, wie kommen sie von, wie so durch die Membran durch?  

Speaker 1    00:08:11    Und dann. Frage 3, das ist aber jetzt nicht Bild 3, Frage 3 ist, was passiert, wenn man innerhalb der Membran ist? Und das ist dann das mit den verschiedenen Varianten die ich vorhin gesagt habe, mit irgendwann ganz später irgendeine Online-Plattform, die Intuition und Technologie verbindet oder Resonanz und Technologie. Davor vielleicht einfach nur einen Slack-Community-Space, davor vielleicht einfach nur Weekly Meetups und ein Verteiler oder so. Das ist das, was dann passiert. Und in Person natürlich nochmal andere Dinge. Genau.  

Speaker 1    00:08:46    Das war ein Pups und hiermit sende ich ab. 

[25.04.25] Fund #1 (Attracting the Right People) - Vision Deutsch I (Overview)

[00:00:01]

Okay, ich nehme es ausnahmsweise direkt bei WhatsApp auf, damit du es auch direkt empfängst und ich es daher

auch runterladen kann. Im Zweifel. Okay. Bild Nummer eins Bzw. Vorher noch die Einleitung. Wieso die Erinnerung,

dass der Fund ist gedacht als das Spiel zusammen mit ganz vielen anderen Dingen. Das ist nicht das einzige, sondern

das war einer von fünf Fans. Der erste, der von mir aus gesehen wichtigste. Aber nur einer, Ich glaube den zweiten,

der war Love. So Projekte und Interviewing. Aktionen, quasi Kampagnen. Das dritte für Leute, also People Potential

fand ich das immer quasi einfach nur leben Leuten ermöglicht wird sich einzubringen und wie so ein bedingungsloses

Grundeinkommen quasi. Und der vierte war dann irgendwie offline. Synergien, Nachbarschaftsprojekte, irgendwie

sowas. Und das fünfte Projekt? Ja, Nachbarschafts off line Synergien und genau und Nachbarschaft und das fünfte

war Projekte was dann auch online sein kann. Okay und jetzt zudem das ist quasi nur der erste, also quasi die

Assumption ist. Wenn man die richtigen Leute zusammenkriegt, dann entstehen diese anderen Funds automatisch

einmal Mit den Leuten kann man dann das Geld auch anziehen. Zum zweiten hat man auch die Manpower, um die

Sachen umzusetzen. Es entstehen mehr und mehr Synergien automatisch. Und so weiter und so fort. Das heißt,

dieser Fund, deswegen sind die Männchen in der Mitte. Im großen Bild ist Bringing the right people together. Und die

sechs Punkte außenrum sind natürlich nicht erschöpft. Aber so ein einen Weg es darzustellen ist quasi das sind die.

Ein großer Teil oder die größten relevanten Punkte in Sachen wie man die Menschen zusammenbringt oder eher

woher das wie? Nicht ganz.

[00:02:07]

Oder Ist nur so ein bisschen. Ja, ist so halb drin. Quasi. Und das eine, ich fange mal links unten an, sind Flyer und

Posts und Flyer. Könnte offline sein, wie für den Begegnungsort von dass wir selber was suchen an sie.

Kakaozeremonien, Nachbarschaftsaustausch, Hunde Gassi gehen auch einfach nur generell Bring the right people

together. Aber wieso Flyer aufhängen überall? Also wir sind gerade bei der Strategie quasi Flyer aufhängen hier im

Umkreis, weil rechts in der Mitte. Freiburg ist auch das Epizentrum, also es wird sowohl online sein und da Leute

anziehen als auch offline und online. Offline ist quasi einfach Freiburg. Der Raum wo wir gerade sind, wo es schon

Connections gibt, wo man dann einfach auch Leute miteinander connecten kann und die können sich in Person treffen.

Da sind quasi die Synergien am größten. Wenn man jemanden trifft, ist die Wahrscheinlichkeit am höchsten, dass auch

andere Connections schon bestehen oder passend sind. Aber quasi das passt so zusammen. Also Flyer offline und

Freiburg als Epizentrum und dann einen weiteren Begegnungsort, wenn man irgendwie da was findet oder mietet, wo

man auch die lokalen Ressourcen nutzen kann. Also wie so ansiehst was ich vom AKW Sachen und den Teppich und

Decken und Handpan und so Sachen wo man halt auch tauschen kann hin und her und ausleihen usw. Genau. Und

dann quasi das gleiche online online ist natürlich, dann gibt es kein so ein Epizentrum. Das hat Nachteile und Vorteile.

[00:03:42]

Vorteile sind man erreicht viel, viel, viel, viel, viel, viel, viel mehr Menschen und dadurch auch mehr, die wahrscheinlich

passen. Und gleichzeitig ist natürlich aber auch die Verbindung nicht so groß. Also es ist schwieriger. Ja, die Hürde ist

größer und man nimmt nicht so viel von der anderen Person wahr, aber im Grunde auch da da da ist dann wirklich

unbegrenzte Möglichkeiten, wo man überall postet, in welchem Kontext so was wie eben deine WG suche Die

Theresa. Hat sich heute noch jemand gemeldet? Luisa Die sind beide sehr. Also so naja, mit denen möchte ich in

Kontakt, wo ich Mitarbeiter suche für Projekte nebenan.de, wo alles mögliche. Also alles, alles, alles, alles, alles, alles,

alles wird quasi zum umfunktioniert oder kriegt einen Second Purpose. Also wenn das Purpose ist, Zimmersuche, dann

ist das Zimmersuche und attracting the right people. Wenn es ist, keine Ahnung bei Kleinanzeigen, ebay oder bei

nebenan.de was zu verkaufen, dann ist es das und attracting the right people. Also es ist immer der über die

Überlappung daraus. Das ist quasi der Plan sein aus dem Fund zum Beispiel. Das ist eigentlich jetzt ein anderes. Ein

anderer Zettel Aber wofür wird das Geld eingesetzt? Zum Beispiel die Flyer drucken zum Beispiel online. Da gibt es

zum Beispiel bei WG gesucht oder Bring Together gibt es halt auch plus Varianten. Damit erreicht man dann mehr

Leute Oder man kann anders schreiben oder anders posten oder was auch immer die Vorteile sind. Es gibt manchmal

so Pro und plus das davon zu kaufen.

[00:05:15]

Also das ist alles, wo das Geld bis jetzt reingeht. Freiburg Epizentrum könnte sein der Begegnungsort dafür, das Geld

zu investieren. Auch Ressourcen noch anzuschaffen für den Ort. Meetups zu organisieren, das ist in der Mitte

zwischen Freiburg Epizentrum und Onlineorganity. Habe ich es aber falsch rum gemacht. Lustig, weil die Meetups sind

ja eigentlich das sind Personen und die Meetups sind das sind Personen online. Da ist die Hürde geringer und da kann

man es häufiger machen und dann aber auch kann man so Events organisieren in Freiburg zum Beispiel, wo dann

auch Leute aus ganz Deutschland kommen oder wie auch immer. Das ist ein bisschen weiter. Also wie so in Phase

zwei erst und dann in Phase drei oder vier wäre bei Onlineorganity. Das ist wie so ein online Community, die

connected die Technologie nutzt, die so prompts macht und vielleicht auch so ein Matching, aber das führt am Ende

immer zu Intuition und Resonanz. Also es ist quasi nicht der Computer schlägt was vor, sondern der Computer gibt wie

so ein Hint an mich und sagt Die zwei Personen, die du ja beide kennst schon. Werden die nicht. Ein guter Match? Und

ich sage so Ah ja, stimmt nice Und ich connecte sie aber wieder dann also die legen quasi nur die Basis. Das ist der

Unterschied zu allem, was es bis jetzt gibt. Alles was bis jetzt existiert ist quasi entweder komplett in Person, dich

connecte Freunde oder online irgendein Matching oder es ist automatisiert. Und was die Zukunft sein wird, ist, dass die

Automatisierung die Basis ist, damit es schneller geht und man Sachen nicht vergisst oder die untergehen.

[00:06:54]

Aber am Ende immer wieder eine Person quasi den Impuls gibt und aus ihrer Resonanz heraus teilt und connected. So

wie ich bei Flo dann das sage mit was war das hier? Meine Freundin ruft die Polizei. Das wäre so, das wäre das

längste von der Vision her in dem Kontext. Also bringing people together. Dass das auf eine online halbautomatisierte

Art und Weise funktioniert, die nicht Intuition Resonanz ersetzt, sondern sogar noch füttert und mehr aktiviert. Und

davor gibt es eben vielleicht einfach nur eine E Mail Liste mit Meetups. Also einfach nur mal sammeln. Es ist noch nicht

so, es gibt noch kein Tool dafür, keine Software, die das wirklich händeln kann, weil die gibt es auch nicht, die müssen

wir selbst kreieren. Also das ist zu weit weg von allem, was bis jetzt die Welt funktioniert, als dass es dafür schon

Beispiele gibt. Das wäre aber in einer späteren Phase und dann auch, wenn man wirklich noch mal Gelder gereizt hat

und so in dem Fall nichts für den Anfang. Also nennen wir es mal Phase drei oder Phase fünf irgendwas. Die letzte das

zu erstellen und davor eine Phase der vorherigen Phase eben. Wie so mit den mit möglichst geringen Mitteln Leute

schon mal zusammenbringen. Und ich sehe dann zum Beispiel diese Weekly Meetups wären zum Beispiel Some call,

man hat Breakout Sessions und man würfelt die Leute so in Dreiergruppen zusammen oder Vierergruppen.

[00:08:20]

Man macht gleichzeitig. So habe ich schon öfter mal gemacht in Calls, dass man dass wir gesagt haben kleine Übung,

auf drei schreiben wir alle auf, mit welcher Person wir uns am liebsten mal eins zu eins austauschen würden. Alle

schreiben was auf, dann können wir es senden oder auch nicht. Und dann ist so eine Minute Pause, um sich mit der

Person zu verabreden und direkt einen Termin auszumachen. So, dass würde man vielleicht in den größeren Gruppen

machen. Und dann gibt es in kleineren Gruppen so zu dritt führt schon so die Chance mal so zu connecten. Es hat

auch in dem Team sehr gut funktioniert. Da waren dann auch viele, die dann gesagt haben Boah, krass, wie sehr wir

gematcht haben und totale Synchronitäten, die entstanden sind und haben dann auch einzelne Calls sind auch daraus

wieder entstanden. Also quasi wieso schon in Aktion treten damit? Aber es ist halt so einfach wie möglich gehalten und

dadurch auch gibt es eigentlich keinen finanziellen Aufwand in der Hinsicht zum jetzigen Zeitpunkt. Okay, und dann

noch die oberen drei. Das sind alles auch noch Wege, um Menschen anzuziehen. Also jedes einzelne Projekt ist ein

Weg. Intuition. Akademie Okay. Wie können die Leute filtern? Onlinekursuniverse. Wie können wir die Leute dadurch

filtern? Ansiehst. Kakaozeremonie und Projekte. Gabis Projekte. Water Wisdom. So, Am Ende geht es nicht um die

Projekte. Es geht darum, dass die die Leute herausziehen und durch diesen Prozess schleusen. Zu dem sage ich ein

andermal was. Oder vielleicht gar nicht heute so sehr der quasi herausfindet, ob Leute einen fit sind oder nicht oder

wofür.

[00:09:52]

Und dann alle anderen Crowdfundings ist es oben in der Mitte auch. Also alle Projekte und auch die, also die

Crowdfunding sind dafür da, Projekte zu finanzieren und quasi gleichzeitig Werbung für die Projekte und gleichzeitig

Werbung für Bringing the right people together. Also es hat auch wieder so ein Dual Purpose oder sogar Triple

Purpose. Und es ist so geschrieben, dass Leute, dass es wie so ein Aufruf auch macht für so ah, du möchtest dich

interessiert es jetzt, Dich spricht es tiefer an, unabhängig davon, ob das Projektes ist oder ob du spenden möchtest.

Hier kannst du mehr erfahren und dann kommt man in diesen Prozess rein. Also im Grunde sage ich jetzt gerade die

Eingangstüren und dann kommt der Prozess. Zudem gibt es aber noch kein Bild. Genau. Und ganz rechts oben sind

noch die Konnektoren, Leute sowohl offline als auch online. Die irgendwie vielen Verbindungen sind mit anderen

Menschen, die natürlicherweise connecten. Auch Lea Schlinkmann aus Kappel. Und die können es auch wieder

verbreiten, denen es so einfach wie möglich zu machen. Dazu selbst einzuladen auf irgendeine Weise. Und dann

verbreiten die das auch in ihren Netzwerken quasi. Okay, ich habe jetzt sicherlich noch viele Dinge ausgelassen. Du

kannst gerne auch Fragen stellen, aber so so viel mal die Basis von Bild eins, das ist das Woher kommen die

Menschen, die noch nicht drin sind, aber die durch den Prozess hindurchgehen und dann eben drin sein wollen oder

Visions-Update groß 13.04.25_1644.MP3

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1afOerMLEpqS8irYJx9bgYjBvYxtwLMqo/view?usp=drive_link

00:00:01 – Missions-Update, große deutsche Variante am 13.4.25. Die Intention ist gerade, selbst Klarheit zu bekommen. Ich schreibe währenddessen mit, und gleichzeitig sehe ich auch den Wert, das später mit anderen zu teilen – zum Beispiel mit Qualmann, Gabriel oder Anselm – oder Teile davon später mithilfe eines Transkripts und ChatGPT auswerten zu lassen und bestimmte Ausschnitte weiterzuverwenden oder extra zu verschicken. Ich möchte langsam sprechen, damit ich in meiner Verbindung bleibe, ruhig werde, nicht hektisch werde und dadurch in keine ungesunde Abzweigung gerate. Es ist mein letzter Morgen in Kappel, mein Geburtstag, und abends geht es mit Anselm nach Limburg. Das passt gut. Die letzten Tage zum 10. habe ich zum ersten Mal explizit gespürt: da kocht etwas, aber nicht nur in mir, sondern in uns. Da wird gerade etwas geboren. 00:02:14 – Heute ist ein neuer Geburtstag, ein neues Geburtsjahr. Nach Limburg ziehen ist ein Ausdruck davon: volle Verantwortung fürs Leben übernehmen, reinsteppen in die eigene Kraft. Und wenn ich das tue, öffnen sich neue Möglichkeiten, auch bei Anselm. Es entsteht Raum für Synergien, neue Menschen, Anziehungskraft. Das fühlt sich gerade sehr stimmig an, jetzt aufzunehmen. 00:03:09 – Der erste warme Morgen dieses Jahres, 13, 14 Grad, die Sonne geht auf. Ich wähle heute den Blickwinkel „Attracting the Right People“. Die Essenz: Die Power steckt in uns Menschen, aber nur in dem Maße, in dem wir das Leben durch uns durchfließen lassen – nicht das Ego aufblähen, sondern wie Glühbirnen leuchten. Das geht nur, wenn wir wir selbst sind, ohne Masken, ohne Konvention. Die Kraft liegt im Wahr-zu-uns-selbst-Sein und im Dienen. Im Kollektiv entsteht Synergie. Und zwei Dinge sind klar: Alle Menschen könnten grundsätzlich in ihr wahres Selbst kommen und Synergien leben. Aber es ist nicht für alle jetzt der richtige Zeitpunkt. Manche werden Vorreiter sein, andere später folgen. Manche profitieren davon, dass andere vorangehen. Wenn ich von „Right People“ spreche, meine ich diese Vorreiter. Die, die sich angesprochen fühlen – das ist die natürliche Selektion. 00:06:22 – Attracting the Right People ist nicht nur Teil der Vision, sondern auch der Türöffner zur Vision. Ich sehe viele Portale, Eingangstüren. Die „Right People“ haben keine äußerliche Gemeinsamkeit wie „vegan“, „Yoga“, „Eckhart Tolle“. Die Verbindung liegt tiefer: Liebe, Ganzheit, Offenheit, Vertrauen, Integrität, Intention statt Perfektion. Gelebt, nicht nur gedacht. Die Eingangstüren sind vielfältig: Offline-Flyer, Projekte wie Begegnungsorte, Nachbarschaftsvernetzung, Haferflocken verteilen. Vielleicht findet sich in fünf Stadtteilen nur eine Person – aber das reicht. Die Power liegt in der Synergie, nicht in der Effizienz einzelner Wege. Jeder Kanal kann andere Menschen anziehen – über Offline-Kontakt, über Projekte, über Online-Angebote wie die Intuition Academy oder Mentoring für Schulabgänger. 00:11:33 – Fundraisings sind nicht primär für Geld gedacht, sondern dafür, die richtigen Menschen zu erreichen. Und vielleicht ist es genau eine Person, die über ein Projekt in Resonanz geht und dadurch Zugang findet zu allem anderen. Ein Beispiel: die „1000-Euro-Love“, bei der Geld in einem Kreislauf fließt. Es geht nicht um die Menge an Menschen, sondern um die Tiefe der Verbindung und die Überschneidung auf konkreter und geistiger Ebene. Je mehr Menschen da sind, desto höher die Wahrscheinlichkeit echter Synergien. Auch wenn es ineffizient wirkt, wird das Ganze hocheffizient durch die Gesamtsumme an Synergien. 00:14:14 – Die Vision funktioniert nur in groß, nicht als kleine Testversion. Wie ein Flashmob: Drei Leute wirken nicht wie ein Flashmob, sondern merkwürdig. Es braucht Vertrauen für die große Variante. Und die Wege müssen nacheinander oder parallel aufgebaut werden, je nachdem, was gerade dran ist: WG-Suche, Begegnungsorte, Online-Teams, Unterstützungsangebote. 00:17:26 – Alles hängt am Ende an den Menschen. Die richtigen Menschen sind der Hebel. Es braucht viele Wege, um sie zu finden. Und es braucht Strukturen, um sie zu integrieren. Wie kann man mitmachen, wie kann man beitragen, wie kann man profitieren? Was gibt es überhaupt, und wie hängt es zusammen? Ein interaktives Whiteboard oder Raum, in dem man Begriffe vertiefen und Zusammenhänge sehen kann. 00:26:02 – Es braucht konkrete Projekte, um Menschen anzuziehen – auch wenn diese Projekte erst noch entstehen. Eine leere Hülle, eine Hausfassade, die durch die Fenster andeutet, was entstehen könnte. Die Eingangstüren zu den Projekten überschneiden sich mit den Funds, zum Beispiel: Fund 1 – Attracting the Right People, Fund 2 – Interbeing & Love Campaigns, Fund 3 – People Potential, Fund 4 – Offline Synergies, Fund 5 – Project Kickoff. 00:31:00 – Alles beginnt mit Fund 1. Das zieht Menschen an, die dann auch andere Funds befeuern. Es kann mit wenig Geld losgehen, wenn es gut eingesetzt ist, zum Beispiel mit gezielten Posts oder Flyern. Das Ziel ist ein Netzwerk, in dem sich Menschen gegenseitig finden und unterstützen. 00:35:18 – Projekte wie der Online-Kurs bringen potenziell viel Geld – aber es geht nicht um Geld, sondern darum, die richtigen Menschen anzuziehen. Wenn der Kurs gut ist, ist er selbst wieder eine Eingangstür zur Tiefe. Alles hängt von Kapazität und Synergie ab, also lieber Kapazität ausbauen als sich überlasten. 00:39:36 – Menschen, die sich ehrenamtlich einbringen, sind entscheidend: Ob als Volunteers oder weil sie Zeit und Mittel haben. Die Bereitschaft, sich einzubringen, wächst mit dem Vertrauen, dass andere das auch tun. 00:41:26 – Die Qualität der Verbindung ist wichtiger als Quantität. Eine Stunde echter Kontakt ist mehr wert als zehn mit Maske. 00:43:33 – Es geht auch darum, wie man konkret Kontakt aufnehmen kann, wie man organisiert. Noch gibt es kein Tool dafür, aber die Vision eines Systems, das Resonanz sichtbar macht, ist klar. Am Anfang helfen einfache Wege: E-Mail, Telegram-Gruppe – mit der Herausforderung, dass jeder das bekommt, was für sieihn passt, ohne überfordert zu sein. 00:48:03 – Das ist der Schlüssel: Wenn es keine glaubwürdige Struktur gibt, ziehen wir auch nicht die richtigen Menschen an. Alles hängt zusammen, alles bekräftigt sich gegenseitig. 00:49:16 – Fünf Begriffe zum Abschluss: Trust, Integrity, Intention, Intuition, Truth – Trust in T.

March-January 2025

@Team 20.03.25 - Update Priorities & Focus (it's all about people)_1518.MP3

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1dLvsZCLr3VNnLtOOF7URoz7IDqcBGet1/view?usp=drive_link

At team of March 25 topic, update on clarity, update we could say, and update on priorities, short and long term. See if this message is going to be relevant for people who aren't here right now, but also people join in the future. And basically that's the clarity in one sentence. It's all about people, or it all comes down or comes back to people. And so then what I mean is this, and I'm going to cover this statement from a few perspectives, one is one organism, similar G, we could say, or the complementary pieces crowdfunding, the soul family or community of like minded people, no matter the project or the role and the in person focus of any project, basically. And I'm actually going to start with the one that seems far out, because I think it makes it clear, and I'll take the crowdfunding so I've seen multiple crowdfundings That I or we could do for multiple projects from different perspectives, and they are all interacting as well. And for me, the clarity was that even something like crowdfunding, the main purpose isn't to raise money, the main purpose is to attract the right people. And so the crowdfunding will probably start, or each crowdfunding probably start and end, not either or and and with something like kind of money isn't even closely to the most valuable thing that you can give. Or, I don't know, something probably at the beginning, something provocative. But it will come down to our life force and soul force is the most important part, and life is asking for that like to put it in service of life. And then one expression is to put it in service, or one expression of putting it service to life is putting it in service to our project. And one small expression or movement, and one small expression of that is a financial contribution. And so if someone is truly committed and they're in with their life and so forth, then it's clear that they are also going to invest their financial resources like they just want to invest their resources and service to the world, and if they are not, then the financial donation is nothing but the mere substitute or replacement for that bigger calling. And so every crowdfunding is going to be a call to action from life speaking through us. And even if that pisses off some people, and they're not going to donate, like, that's fine, because that's not the main purpose, it's never the main purpose. And so while it will piss off a few people, it will also activate or speak to something deeper for some others, and those are the ones we want to attract or even just activate, even though they might not invest their time and energy in our you. A expression, but that they just yeah, get over the tipping point of going from self serving to, well, a larger self serving, just seeing yourself not as this separate body, but as not and also not as your family, but as everything, as life. Okay, so that's the least obvious. Maybe let's go to the most obvious is the team. And this was one of the earliest insights of my current four week or now more than four week absence and restructuring and repuzzling face. And it's this, well, it also comes down to leadership dilemma, basically, which is, people are attracted to this cause because they because of the bigness of the vision that I can hold. And this has to do with the level of synergy that I see as possible. And that synergy is possible when the right pieces come together are complementary, which, in other words, are the right people. And then if they come together, expression will happen by itself and creation, and maybe nothing that we are planning right now, but it will be far greater than that, and if they don't come together, not even the things that I'm planning or seeing or want to do right now can happen even closely to the extent that I can envision. And so it will also be less attractive for people to join, at least for this purpose. They might join for financial reasons, but not for it, for the thing itself, there's less pull. And so the main thing, again, is just getting in touch with the right people, and there is never a stop or an end to it, just like there's never this is, this is basically the difference between desperation and inspiration. Desperation is, I'm looking for people. If I have a gap only, then I'm going to look for people because I have a need, there's a lack of something. But for me, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if we have gaps and lags everywhere, or if everything seems to be working perfectly smooth. My main focus will always be attracting more of the right people. Because why should it stop there? Like, even if it works perfectly, like, how do we know it's not it cannot be more beautiful than that. It cannot be more like, there's no end to evolution. So why would there be an end to that? I So yes, this is the second thing, or the most obvious part now, and this also means that it's always the number one priority of all of us. It's like, okay, how do we attract the right people? Of the team, like all playing their role in this regard. And this means kind of like in all our creation and all like the crowdfunding was one example that I mentioned, but also in every online course, there will be this, okay, how can we make that course itself a call to action to attract also new team members or people in this in the sphere there might be this, yeah, we're not trying to get them to just buy the next online course. We're not trying to get them to anything, but we're inviting them to step up and to reflect on maybe they want to spend their time and life force in that and contribute actively in the cause after they have taken this or that online course that they were interested in, For example, or read this or that book, or whatever the expression is that we were using to serve people. And so basically, what it comes down to is we want to attract people in order to attract people, that's like, it's a means and an end at the same time. Yeah, it's hard to explain. I think if you already, if you feel what I mean, I don't need to explain further. And if you don't feel it yet, then my words will also not help right now. But yeah, it's about i. Getting people together and start like real change. Real change is connected to real relationships, and that's also why it doesn't end with books and online courses, etc. They're only like the starting point, the entry door, and then from there it grows, and you start to get the first connections, and then they get deeper. And then there might be an offline event in some area, or whatever it is, but it grows and it will, quote, unquote, end with something like people are living in communities together, and not just in any community where there is just the same story of separation happening in a different disguise, but like communities that are really synergetic, where people are helping each other grow and well become more whole and be of service to everything, to basically become an organism, like different organisms, becoming one bigger organism, etc, etc. And this is kind of this forms the base, because people will either meet other people, or they get the inspiration and the clarity on to do it, or also the clarity on how to do it and what works and what doesn't, because of those insights to life, and because they Have seen an example in practice by participating within either in our team or just in one of the online courses. But have seen it, and I feel it, and they might, yeah, it just opened the door for them. And so we could say that the quote, unquote end result of our courses, or no of our team, or of our people coming together is not a creation of an online course, it's yeah, people living in communities in alignment with themselves and life and helping others to do so as well, passing on the porch. That's the end result. And one little step in between is, yeah, the online course, the book, the whatever, the this and that. All right, beautiful. I'm going to end this now. I kind of expected this to become one of those 25 minute recordings when I started or longer, and now we are not even on 13 yet, and so that's but I feel like I've said everything, everything that once wanted to come out now is set, so I'm going to pause reflectors, if there's any final words, and then I will end this. This recording here. Oh yeah, there's one more thing we're getting to the 25 minutes, which is, I'm probably going to record a different memo on this at one point, but who are the right people? And knowing that, in theory, everyone is the right person, like this is going to cover like just by being human, you are one of the right people. But then there's the question of who are the right people. Now in those circumstances, which means within the conditioning, within where we are at our personal journey, and some people who are so deeply in the story of separation, they just cannot resonate with what we are doing at all. And so they are not the right people right now. They will be covered, but they will not be the first to be covered. But it's like the ripple effect, or from an inside circle that just goes with a bigger circle and a bigger circle and a bigger circle always around and around and around and around and around that and finally, it covers the whole world. But if you try to start on the outside of the circle, it's just not going to work. So we need to start with those people where there's actually, like healthy, a healthy, let's call it organism that is being formed, because only if it's healthy, it can grow and also be healthy. If it starts to be unhealthy from the beginning, because we're including some parts too early that aren't meant to be included at this moment of time, then we're including the story of separation as well. And then it's, it's, yeah, it's already this. Functional or unhealthy is a better word, I guess. And so this unhealthyness will spread, and then it will self terminate, basically before it even can capture a lot more people or include a lot more people. And then this comes down to, well, this is the short version. Actually, I'm going to record this right afterwards, but what I see as the right people. Right now, there's like three options, one, torso, commitment, that's the easy one, basically already committed to life, or it just needs one more spark, one invitation, one question, one sentence. And people are like, Okay, I'm going, I'm ready to go all in with my life. Like, truly, all in. That's one, then two is not ready, but they are trusting people who are all in in this case, it would be me, but there are other people who are going to be in this, in this sphere, within our group, as well. And so you're basically surrendering to that lead. You're trusting and you're following, and you're basically saying my trust is high enough that I'm going to trust those people, even though, even in even in moments when I don't like it and when I have a different opinion, but I trust their lead. So kind of first is kind of commitment already. Second one is trust, deep level of trust. If you don't even have that trust, then you might at least have an interest, and that interest kind of leads you to stick around. But what is important when I'm saying like it's about the right people is to know who's who, to not get confused on someone who's interested is already committed. Now there's a huge difference between interest and commitment, a huge difference. And it doesn't hurt to have people in who are interested, like someone who isn't interested doesn't want to be in any way. So it kind of stops there, at least in a practical sense, regarding us. But there's a huge, huge difference between interest and commitment, and this trust is somewhere in between, because the trust kind of needs some level of commitment and surrender, even though, if it's just too small, not to life in general, but then only to the leaders of this group in this case, and then it expands from there. But yeah, it's important to know who falls in what bucket I call it, or in what category, because children, like children, are not worse than adults. But you probably don't want to have the children, seven year old navigating the traffic, or, I don't know, whatever something, it's just not appropriate. Or you don't want to have an 85 year old person that has problems hearing or seeing navigator traffic in this, in this example, but there's like, fits for that group, and fits for for this and that group and for that group. But we need to know who fall who's who stands where, who's it at what point. And so we need to be all so really honest about that, and do not fall into any illusions just because it would be nicer, or our self view depends on it, and we don't want to speak the truth to someone else and saying, Well, no, you're not committed. Like, let's be honest to ourselves. And so yeah, this honesty and truth is the guiding star of our group, so let's bring that into practice. All right, so I added six more minutes, 19 minutes and 19 seconds is where I will enter this recording. And I'm saying goodbye and have a beautiful, wonderful day. 

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Together! (maybe the most important recording of my life so far)_1478.MP3

https://drive.google.com/file/d/13eTbZKOv_qF-q_iZyc-pqTxyArVvjolK/view?usp=drive_link

Together, together. I've been waiting for a while to say those words, and this is going to be either a landmark speech that I'll millions of people are going to listen to, and I'll send to every person I know, or this is just going to be some rambling, but it feels as important as ever. Part of me wants to speak in German, because I do have some people in the most specific people I would want to talk to, speak German, but then I also have other people in my mind that I speaking to right now, and it would feel painful to realize that I cannot understand this, and in the version it comes out right now, not in some replica later, but right now. And in one word, it's about together. Probably could say 1000s of times together, together together. And I'm coming from a day of this morning in my diary I called the biggest challenge of my life yet, question mark. And right now, it feels like the closest to my calling of life, what life is asking of me to be that vessel for that message of together i i Just before I had to clarity to start this recording here I listened to message, voice message of anzem, my closest friend, In which he shares how much pain there is and how and how much pressure there is. Like the pressure is getting more and more and more and more, and how we're doing things comparably, comparable to the Nazi time, we're just not realizing and we're doing it in so many different areas, so subtle, but also actually not so subtle that we don't even realize that we're doing it, because isn't one that's as extreme and obvious. And he was talking about, or just mentioning, all the different examples of how we treat animals and all the trash we produce and consumerism and resources we take, and how we like deal with immigrants to anything, and there's just so much pain, and it comes to the surface more and more and more. And what he didn't mention, but what was cleaving me in this moment was that the solution to this is together, and everything that is not together is part of what causes and creates all of that, and that. Every time we don't act from together, we act from separation. Every time we act from separation, the unconsciousness wins, the darkness wins. It's already no matter what our intention, it already has one in this moment, i i and that kind of, um, I feel cut. I don't know, like, this teary feeling in my face right now. I kind of want to, like, take people on the shoulders and shake them as, like, wake up. We need to kind of do this together, and to feel this together, to hold those spaces together where we don't fall into a trap of separation, and we need to share like everything i. Everything, and usually like, where I'm coming from right now is in this is money or financial situation of this morning, and I was writing a message to the team just earlier. But even me not asking as part of the darkness winning that might have been part of the pain every time there's a lack, no matter what kind of lack it is if I just for a moment have the illusion or the idea that I can solve it by myself, that I should solve it by myself, that I want to solve it by myself, the unconsciousness has already won. I already bought into the separation that creates all those other problems by me being not being courageous enough to ask others, even if they say no, and I reject me, and it creates all this pain within me by not asking, by not making myself vulnerable. I'm supporting all the expressions of darkness or separation that answer mentioned, and all others expressions as well. And that was just this clarity I had it before, but then after this recording, it just was like it came back again. It came back again. This what is my role in life, at least right now, at this stage of where the world is at is to remind people of this, we need to do it together, and that means sharing everything. It's it's an it's absurd how many people feel trapped in it, but they do not share with each other still, like with me and Ansem, it could be he wants to express and share his message with the world while I have contacts and could spread it, and I'm motivated to do so, but those two don't come together at the same time. I'm struggling to pay for rent and for food while he has more than enough money on his bank account at the same time. And I could name 1000s of examples with him and with other people. And it's just so obvious to me, and it doesn't seem to be as obvious to other people, because otherwise we wouldn't be here. And obviously I'm not seeing things here as well. And it's not on me to solve it, but probably it's on me to just keep sending that reminder off, together, together, together, together, again and again and again, and to not buy into the story of story of separation myself, to not fall into the trap of other people don't support me, so I don't support them, but to hold that image, vision and clarity, Like I can see how it works. I think that's actually I'm almost crying again right now. One of my biggest pains is not that. So one is the deepest wound to separate, or is loneliness and separation, and the biggest desire is this one organism is basically this togetherness. But then what I was, I wanted to say right now, was this, it's possible now. I think that's what's so painful to me, is that I can see, and other people, when I talk about this, other people can see it as well, but they see it as something somewhere in the future, not connected to this right now. But for me, it's something is here and is right now. It's possible at this moment, and it's just like at every step it's possible, and no matter how the surroundings in our world, it's possible, and it's so like this is this is probably the an equally painful part is that this is not seen, and so I am not seen, because this is something that I I hold, and that is. Role to hold in where we are moving towards as a world, in the in the healing process and the path towards consciousness and awareness. But it is. It is, I'll press and pause for a few seconds or minutes, depending how long I'll enjoy the sun here and that's where this, this, I want to shake other people. Energy is there as well. There's like, there's anger, even there's like, this, this power and this energy that wants to flow through, and what's shake other people and say, like, fucking step up your game. Like, stop fucking feed the story of separation. Stop acting from it. Stop reinforcing the unconsciousness in the darkness, it will fade by itself, like with every single act. We are not stepping into together, we are reinforcing it. It's like, fucking step up your game. And now I'm glad I'm recording this in English, because I had like five people coming passing through my inner eye that all speaking English and only English, and there's this, like, we need to start sharing our resources. And I'm like, the obvious part is money again, but I'm not even talking about that or this, at least it's not, it's not even closely to the most important to me. I'm talking about our life and soul force. It's like investing it in a way that is that supports each other's growth and each other's healing and each other's learning to feel and that letting it flow through and help other act from together rather than from separation. And then when we go down, we will like, we'll talk about sharing the resources of things and earth. And then you could also talk about money. And I think what's so painful is that money is like the smallest one, the easiest one, the easiest one to regain, the one with the least consequence, if you share it. And even there, we don't do it. And it leads to me being the situation that I'm in when I just want to feel it's like, there's a song in German where it's like, not like the Rory Williams song, but where it has reframed a bit and said, I just want to feel right now. This is what life is asking of me. But then at the same time, I need to care for my basic needs. And then there's like, all the cycle and everything is connected to money, because our society is built up that way. But it's not about money. It's about this deeper. Let's share everything. Let's stop seeing ourselves as separate and as as not together. You and then the most outrageous, now I'm thinking of anzam, is this he's not acting in together, and I know that this is true for other people as well, because he feels like he would do it just out of guilt. Or he doesn't feel it doesn't come intrinsic. But then the opposite doesn't either come for intrinsic and the opposite is the separation and unconsciousness, basically. And so this is the biggest weapon of the unconsciousness is saying, well, but it needs to be like that, or it needs to be like this, or it needs to be and only if I then I can act together, then I can fully step and no, it's now, and it's only now, and it's will ever be only now. And we have this choice, like, if we have this choice and this, like, I could quote, probably the Buddha and Gandhi and a lot of a lot of famous names, but it's about serving. I. Like, if in doubt, then go for it together. If you don't have clarity, what's the right thing? Then do the thing that least feeds your ego. That least feeds your separate self, or the illusion of the separate self, like, if there's clarity, do something perfect. Do it? Follow your intuition, follow your truth, but don't let the unclarity become an excuse to not act from togetherness. Let the unclarity become an excuse to act from separation, because that's what reinforces their separation, what reinforces the unclarity. And there is no later with this, as long as we wait for the later, we are just producing more pain in the now, and we don't start even feeling distort pain. And so we will never get to this point where it is now, because similar to third world countries that cannot even pay back the depth, the interest rate on their depth, it's like we're just feeling, we're not even feeling the pain that is being created now. And so we will not release the stored pain pockets. And if we don't do that, then we will not get to the point in this story where we can act from together. And so we will never act from together, and we will always create more pain, and we will always be busy feeling that, and we will always fail to do so, and then the cycle begins or continues. And so that's where I want to shake. That's where I want to, like, grab people by the shoulder and say, like, get packing, give up everything for whatever highest purpose service, but it's that's not one way. It's the only way. And if you don't do it by clarity or out of clarity, it's still better to do it out of knowing that it's the right thing than not doing it at all. At least you're not reinforcing a separateness at this point, and you might lose your stuff. Yes, you might face a lot of fears, yes, but that's part of the journey, and let's fucking stop being so afraid of not being okay, or losing or confronting our fears and all those things. And let's act from together. Let's share our stuff. Let's start with our stuff. Like, that's a small thing. It's actually like, it's the smallest thing to share your money. That's not the end stage. That's like primary school, like, if you're afraid of that, like, wait for the whatever graduate school or high school stuff, that's going to be much harder. Give all your life force, your attention, the time and attention is way more valuable, way more valuable than anything you own. You it, and that's where we need to get to, that we're sharing. That putting this in a bigger context, in service to other people, in service to other people, to the world at large, doesn't mean to some bigger cause. It means to the person next to me and then the person next to me, and it's the circle expands from there. It's not about, I'm not talking about the grand things. And by giving all your money to charity, it's like, I'm talking about the next layer, from where you stand, like the person right in front of you, people you are closest with your family, etc, but encourage them to do the same, and them to do the same, and then next round, the next layer, to do the same. That's how it will cover all the worlds, step by step, layer by layer. Another pause, I just realized I'm under 20 minutes. Feels like I've already talked for 50. Pause. 

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

The Question of My Life (just presented itself to me) 20.02.25_1400.MP3

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1buohKI-r9JgsN7vCGqcOQZ1QxFmg7T7r/view?usp=drive_link

The question of my life. 20th of February, 25 Yeah, so this morning I encountered when I call right now the question of my life, which is an interesting framing, because I don't use that a lot. I realized how other people use it a lot for the question, Who am I? Why am I here? What like? Even though I asked myself those questions, it never felt like I really, I kind of struggle, but not even struggle, even wrestle with that question. It's just like, Oh yeah, it's there. I get some clarity, and it's gone again. The one that came up this morning. I just called it the leadership dilemma, the topic, that's how I wrote it down. There's so many things to it. It's so interesting how it connects my past journey, so many different parts of my past journey, and the last few days, what happened here? The opening of my heart in a second round, basically, or I don't know how to call that second crack, what I read and I got taller yesterday, and like, there's so many connections what happened with the group and team in this normal life experiment. So it's really interesting. And it feels for the first time, like, Okay, this is there's this feeling of this is what life wanted to bring me to, to confront that question, and that now I'm only ready to do so it's like before, Yeah, two days ago, I started saying something's happening. I and I said to someone, it's like watching myself or it's watching the character JFK, enter a higher level of consciousness, like life parts are reorganizing and restructuring, as I have experienced it in past moments, but this time, I'm experiencing the whole process more consciously. I can just feel how it happens. It's like puzzle pieces coming together and showing up that have been lost for a while, and my view on the world just changed in some profound sense. And the first thing I came up with was this opening of the heart, just like on a deeper level, I just yesterday, I wrote an article with two articles on that, or on just focusing on the heart and people I want to attract, which I might have called the greatest question of my life so far, but it was more like of a mind thing, how to organically attract the right people. And it's kind of it's included there, and this is still present, and it is connected to that, and it's also connected to owning my role, but I was kind of not ready until two days ago, apparently, to face that question, be confronted, to encounter it on a deep level. And so it also brings me to the insight that probably has to do something with the opening of the heart, or this, this heart awareness resting, or me resting in the heart awareness more moment to moment to moment. Not just I have access to my heart now and I can feel and access it when I want to, more or less. But basically that is constantly present, or moving towards that being, it's constantly present. And now it's like, okay, you kind of gained a new skill, entered a new door open to new worlds. You expanded your level of being, and now you're also ready to face a bigger question that has been kind of proving for some weeks, and I used that sentence some things cooking ape from the. Um, a prime Maslow, what his wife always said to him, and he was like, or something's happening within him. And she used that, something's cooking ape, I used that sentence a lot over the last two days now. Now I feel like I know what has been cooking. All those other parts were also, oh, yeah, that's something, but it's not quite it's not that yet. It's not that yet. And maybe I will look back at this moment recording this memo right now and I will say, Oh, this was just another it's not it thing, but maybe it was it. It was the thing that was cooking. And I've very little. I'm not sure exactly where this recording is going to go, if I will speak about the dilemma a lot or not, or the context in which it presents itself to me, or my feelings around that, or I have no idea. I just knew I wanted to start this recording. I also made a cacao which I didn't like him doing a cacao ceremony almost every morning. Then I had this. So it was two days today and tomorrow. I'm not going to do it. There's 10 Friday. And now earlier there was like this. Now this is, this is exactly the moment. This is exactly the moment. And I'm also not sure who I'm speaking this to. Is this too? Do I expect that stranger people will listen to this? A lot of people who are close friends, like anzam, who understands a lot already, or just, is it just for me? Basically free journal? I also don't know, and I'm not going to plan that. I will just see out, see what happens, how it turns out, and then decide if I send it to anyone, or who to send it to, or just keep it stored for myself and listen to it again. In a few months, we will see one intention for this journal is to speak from my heart. I had this while I was laying in bed. So I'm up early, I'm up late. Was already, like five, and then I was laying for more than an hour in bed before I actually got up. And kind of I had images coming up. It was like after a deep breathing, or psychedelic breathing, and I was staying connected with my heart again and again and again while watching it unfold. And one of the main things that at that point, at least came up was that was kind of like the prelude to this dilemma. I saw how the current team things are not going to unfold, the way that feel right. Basically, that is the dilemma. As the leadership dilemma is, I don't want to be in the lead, but my greatest desire is to dissolve into an organism, into a greater organism, out of a group of people that act, feel, think, see each other as one, and then at the same time, it's when I step out of A group, I realize that the unconsciousness takes over. That's also the Eckhart Tolle reference from yesterday. The seed was planted, or rather watered. Maybe it was the last impulse it needed to sprout. And so when I step out, unconsciousness takes over, and then it doesn't feel right to kind of take the lead again, because if I stay inside and if I stay in the lead, then people give me so much power that there is. No organism forming by itself, because that needs to grow out of itself. So basically, I'm not when I'm in, I'm not really moving closer to this one organism thing. When I'm out, unconsciousness takes over, and we are also not moving closer to the one organism thing, because the organism is dissolving like this, yeah, like really dissolving. There is no more group at this consciousness, and that's what happened with oferu, when I stepped out, like my big project, for two years, being the leader and CEO, and then just stepping out, realizing I'm the tallest tree, and afterwards in the forest, and two years later, there is no more forest. Tried for a while, but it I wasn't strong enough. So also, there isn't a forest for me to re enter, the one that I left, which I maybe hoped would grow and get stronger and we can reunite. It doesn't exist anymore. Died in that form. So yeah, there's this dilemma, do I lead or do I not lead? And I'm not even talking about this leadership that most people understand as leadership. I'm even talking about just nudging and being present, etc. But still, there's this as I am, usually and maybe always, in the context that life brings me. I'm the person with the that can hold the highest awareness, consciousness space, people who always, or maybe not always, but so far, people are not fully stepping into their own responsibility, kind of hiding behind me in some sense, or depending on me, at least in some sense, even if this is subconscious, I'm not talking about making conscious decision, they don't realize most of the times, not even closely, but it is what is happening. And so when I'm in people don't step fully into their own role and to their responsibility, but and if they do, it mostly means break down, like being true to themselves, means, then whatever stepping out and not being part of that or not. It's a confrontation that the organism that the forest can't hold. I cannot cope with the intensity of that. People would either need to conform, but then we just have the same old thing. And this is not what's going to feel right for me. This is the unconsciousness taking over. But if they don't conform, but are true to himself, then there's no forest. And so me stepping out, it's the same, same thing. So as you can see, obviously, apparently, I'm talking to other people not to myself here, interesting. Well, maybe I'm talking to myself in a different way. So yeah, as you can see, there's this, there's more questions I can I can name the dilemma in a much better way. Now it doesn't mean I have any answers, not that there are answers in the first place. There's just deeper and deeper levels of clarity, and I already entered those. But it's not about I don't have a solution or anything, but just by being able to name it, I will have more clarity on how to act moment to moment to moment. That's what's Yeah, what's the main thing? But yeah, so there's this dilemma. So this realization, because of that, there's consequences for the people and how I communicate with them. Because of that realization, there is no more kind of weird compromises of well, I want to hold this and I want to have the people, and I want to lead, but I also don't want to and I want to leave space for growth and but in there's, it's always weird in some sense, and I'm leaving space and people grow, but not ultimately. And on the other hand, they're taking more steps by themselves, but basically in the areas where it doesn't matter and not really taking responsibility and I'm getting frustrated, they are probably getting frustrated at one point as well, even though it's far better scenario than Everything they have experience if they come from an ordinary work environment or something, but still, it's not going to feel right. And so I started to have, even before I could frame that leadership dilemma, I had those Well, I will need to tell those people under what circumstances I'm a part of this and what not. And this could either mean, yeah, I'm still holding it. That's the dilemma me being out and then sharing what I see. What will happen is that their unconsciousness takes over and they don't even realize and the dynamic mind and later we will reverse a lot, or I hope we don't want to be part of it anymore. So this could also happen then it just breaks down a bit later, I and so, under what circumstances do I? Does it feel right for me to be part and I saw how that could be a lot, which could be seen from the outside as an authorian, hierarchical hierarchy, or something like that, where I'm calling all the shots, and it's back to dilemma. I don't want to but it's more like, is life asking that of me right now? There we're getting to the interesting questions on more to the solution side. Oh, yeah, I'll finish with the thing where I actually started with and then press on pause, because I can see it at play right now. So when I saw the dilemma and how it led to uncomfortable conversations with people, I saw how I had to speak my whole truth to them and share Well, this is where I see your unconsciousness taking over, and you don't realize, etc, in the context that I want to be part of this. Or that's how I see, even if I'm in the lead, how it would lead to you not taking full responsibility, etc, and how that doesn't lead to an organism either. And I would have to name all those things and point them all out. I which is what I call my greatest gift, to spot those to spot the unconsciousness, the ordinary unconsciousness, as Eckhart Tolle calls it. But then another circle is closing to this moment and to this morning, I feel kind of the pain of that. And I saw how I usually speak, kind of, in some sense, I disconnect from my heart and speak from the mind, and I explain it in reasons, and not that they are wrong, that I'm using metaphors that are right and but I'm I'm not fully speaking from my heart in that moment. I'm not fully speaking from the pain of that situation in that moment when I, for example, share that I'm only going to include volunteers blah blah and people that are willing to still spend their time whatever, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that I'm that I'm want. Stay connected to my heart in every moment, and this includes every conversation and every recording. And this is what I was seeing this morning, in this case, with Nadia, is like when I say a few things to her, I want to basically be able to cry in that moment saying it truly speak for my heart, and this is why I felt I wasn't ready to face that question two days ago. Because yes, I might have had this kind of whatever first round heart opening in early 2024 2024 but I'm not really resting in awareness of my heart moment to moment. I can just regain it. But in order to face that dilemma, I would I needed to, and I still need to be connected to that every moment, and then fall short of it. But basically, that's the that's the door that opened through that skill. Now the bigger challenge can actually be confronted and I do not only want to speak of my heart from my heart, to be connected to my heart in the moments when I speak to other people or to a specific person, but with every moment, every recording. That's why I wanted to pause for a second, but just recording right now, because I felt like I got into this talking mode. I was connected to my heart, and then started saying something. But then it takes so long to put into words what I felt this moment ago. And I keep on talking and talking about the old moment, and I'm not really connected with the current moment, with the now anymore, with my heart at this moment, and the pain that may be there or whatever it is. And I had that yesterday in a journal where I was obviously not talking to someone else, but only to me. And I could feel how it was interesting, actually, how, in some moments, the talking. So I was on YouTube yesterday, interestingly, and afterwards, I felt this pain, and I did my post glitch memo, and I could feel how it helped me just speak about it, and I could let it go and embrace it fully and accept it fully. So it led me closer to my heart talking. But then I kept on talking, and at one point I realized, oh no, it actually leads me away from it again. And then I paused. I and so that's the deeper awareness that opened up two days ago. I would say it's this. Does it lead me closer to my heart, to this connection? I or does it lead me away from it? The moment it leads me away from it, I want to stop the recording, at least pause it, reconnect and then maybe continue, if it feels right. Ah. I'll pause now, oh. Want to cry a lot more while I speak to people basically exactly in the moments. That's what I'm seeing. And it has this what came up for the last two or three days as well. I. I kind of to be able to cry in a moment when I share something about my perspectives on their limiting beliefs or the unconsciousness ruling and feel that pain. Yeah, it's hard to put it into words, but I see a lot of those situations, and I can feel the sadness in my face right now. It's the sadness that I want to speak from, but it might be the sadness that I'm not yet able and capable to do so. It's my field of growth to do so, and I can see the power of it like on them. My best friend said I when I was asking the question, What's my role? That's funny. Oh, it's interesting. The question, what's my role came up last year just around the time of my heart opening. And now and then it has become late into bed, and I can see back, looking back, how the more I lost the connection to this open heart. There were a few months of numbing between April, May, June, July. The less important the question of my role became as well, and now both are back, big time. Interesting. Well, he said, My role is to be vulnerable. This is certainly not a strength of mine, but I can see the truth in that sentence now, or I can feel it now. I could not see at that time, but now I can feel it. Can feel the power it would have then if I speak my truth, which is usually connected to the unconsciousness and the field where I'm creating most, maybe not creating, but bringing forth a lot of pain In other people and resistances, if I can do so in those moments with total vulnerability myself, I need to be connected to my heart in order to open the door for others to be connected to theirs and not put up the walls. I I can call back any relationship, and it would feel true any time that I got rejected or abandoned in some way by someone, the relation, the conversation before, a few conversations before, whatever, if I had, if I would have been able to show up more vulnerably in those conversations before, maybe also the conversations we didn't have because of that. But if I could show my own pain fully, I would have turned out differently, like there's no question for me about that, no question i There's I'm about to cry. I want to say Not, not quite, but it feels like I could cry in a few minutes. I would be nice. I but that's the power, that's the second wing, that ability to spot those things, name those things, sense those resistances and activate those. Resistances with complete vulnerability and me crying in those moments when I do so myself, not as a fake thing, but because I feel the pain of that moment in that situation myself. I i And I'm open to it, not suppressing my own wounds or suppressing my own pain, shielding my own wounds of The rejection that might come along, or the abandonment, the pain of playing my role, being who I am, serving other people and they don't realize. I think that's the pain. It's not so much that I feel theirs also, but first thing is being vulnerable. So my own pain, it's that same moment that's a exact same situation that the moment they close. I feel pain, but then I close, usually, in some sense, and I don't realize that I have closed before by even starting to just speak about it rather than I don't know hard about it, the way I bring it into contact has already set the stage for disaster. Basically, if I don't come up with a total open hearted connection, I Yeah, so many of My past relationships just come. I can see my inner vision so many moments. Press on pause. I was just coming back from the toilet, another byproduct of cacao, and I had this moment in action again, with losing the connection to my heart and reconnecting. And it's like I can see how in those moments of ordinariness. It's like now there's this impulse to go to the toilet or something else, could be anything, and I'm losing the connection. But then when I can, and this could be in a conversation with the person when I'm or right now in a memo, and I get lost in words in that sense, or in the old moment of pain or whatever, just talking about the old moment of pain or joy. Then, yeah, and I'm seeing a conversation with a person, especially like there's this I don't want to continue, and the moment I can feel the pain of losing that connection, I am connected to it again. And that's what happened on the way back of the toilet. Thank God. It feels painful that I lost the connection, and then I'm there again. It's interesting, right? It's like the opposite of it works the other way around as well. It's like when you're in meditation. Or the moment when I say, Oh, it's so nice that I can talk about my pain. That usually means that I have lost the connection, because I'm talking about an old pain. The moment I can that I think in meditation, or now I'm in perfect balance, and I'm no mind the moment I can think that I'm off balance already, but then the moment I realize that I'm off balance is maybe not on balance yet, but at least moving towards balance again. Another, I think it, but I observe it and realize it. Hmm, hmm, that's a huge challenge. Oh, to hold that in every moment, like thanks life for that challenge. Am I actually ready to face that? I It's like, before there were 100 moments. And I was like, okay, I can manage 30. I can see how I get to the 100 but now there's 1 million situations where I can fail and fall off. Oh, pause again. I wonder I have the next moment I but I had, like, something to share, like five seconds ago, before I started recording again. Now it feels like this is in the past already, and this was painful because I wanted to say. Now it's not present anymore. The pain that I'm feeling right now doesn't have words. I I could share with we're around one hour later now I just wanted to end this recording. Just called my closest friend and asked him for space holding, for that whatever wants to emerge, and felt the pain of his reaction before I even knew what it was about. I And now, just when I wanted to end this recording, and my heart is beating fast right now, it's the thing came up that I wanted to share earlier, which didn't feel right anymore at that moment, I which is that I'm going to feel like a lot more pain in the next time, a lot more, Because I'm sensitive to a lot more. That's what has been the case for the last three days, since or two and a half, two days, whatever, kind of keeping this heart connection being a lot more present, and I can feel a lot more details and nuances in my heart. I. I like how it feels different on the left to the right and the upper part and lower part inside and outside. Like a level of detail that I hadn't have didn't have access before, but now, if I don't close, it also means that a lot more pain and has been just didn't make it way through, will now make its way through the next days, weeks and months. So I think earlier I wanted to say that I'm afraid of, that of this kind of there's more pain coming now than I used to. And that's what just came up again when I wanted to end this recording here. That's the price of keeping that heart connection, keeping my heart open, or at least realizing when it doesn't when it closes. But if I stay with it, it opens again pretty soon, because I'm aware of it, and I feel that pain, and then it's open again. I And how will lead to a lot more here of this pain, and how back freight, almost about to cry again. Now I'm laughing. I'm afraid of that pain, and also looking forward to it as it's the path, like pain is the price of freedom. I could feel it like I can feel how that's true. Pain is the price of freedom. It's like yes sign, yes. Okay, do I'm pretty sure that this is the end of the recording. Now, do I want to say anything else i No, I want to cry. I realized that I'm not crying. I feel the pain of not being able to cry. All of it happens in an instant. At the moment I talk about it's already a past moment. And then there's the pain of that I hard to put in words, impossible to put in words. I are painful and liberating. Thanks for listening. However, actually listen to this. You're crazy. You're crazy. You're crazy. You. 

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

2024

[13.07.24] [cllc] funnels to find people for LEAP + OneOrganism.MP3

https://drive.google.com/file/d/15UJ7FW7bh04uVGhKvuEITADc2msodraa/view?usp=sharing

Listen to the beginning until I say, Stop. This is file name. Is collection of funnels. So basically like, yeah, the avenues through which I want to find people that are lines. And like, you could say, in the context of the one organism, experiment or LEAP. And adding this also to the vision story of my life, this part with the funnels. And now stop, and now I begin. So, yeah, so collection of funnels, one, and I want to make this visual and have it somewhere like, See, see, it's how it comes together. And, yeah, and also the kind of, the kind of the kind of people, or the anchor through which I'm finding them, for example, community, living, ecovillage. And then how? So, the WHO, yeah, the who is the first part, and the how is connected to it. At least some ideas, okay, one example, ecovillage. People are interested in community living, slash the ecovillage, how the vision of the intentional community we are putting together in other platforms, and we gigs, ooh and etc, then two mit berunasuch in general. So even if it's not an ecovillage community thing, but just like the next time I'm looking for a flat, I can put it out and so other people find me. And next time I'm having a flat and looking for people to live with. So for example, if anzi and Mia are deciding to rent this kind of thing somewhere in the east of Freiburg, having space for other people. And then also with this one, people who are looking for room is basically the category. And then those are the different options. And then the other one people looking for room, a slightly different one than people looking for community, for the room version that's also couch surfing and stuff like that. Of course, some funnels are already possible to go and others are not, because they have certain conditions, like having the flats to find people that want to like they're looking for room. If I don't have a flat yet or a house, then I'm not looking for them. Or it would be basically lying, because I say I have something available, and this would not be virtuous. So I don't want to do it this way. Then goes, for example, for Workaway and having, like, finding people via Workaway, like travelers, works once we have a community, okay, other funnels, who people want to live masterfully. How? Not sure. Part of it is my FAQ, blah blah, mastery, routine, etc, but I don't see a platform yet or something, who people are interested in intuition, how intuition Academy offers blah blah. And so I saw just one distinction. It's between local and digital, or in person and virtual, virtual. Who people who want to find a job, how Upwork, who people want to create projects, how, maybe reflect on other networks looking for or who people who are looking for accountability via, I don't know, there are some websites for accountability partner searches itself. Do. 

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

[J] Attracting the right people 18.06.24_0289.MP3

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1HrMXtS7yrsBYYpjh8On8PL3t_o48Llu7/view?usp=drive_link

Organically attracting the right people. 18th of June, 24, free journal. Okay, intro, intro, giving it some more time and attention, I started at Dina four sheet journaling on this more, but also the desire to get an action, feeling like, okay, there isn't that much left. But I'm kind of avoiding it. I feel kind of, there's as if there would be fear of actually finding those people, for example. So maybe this is actually something I will get to if I do a whoop or something free thoughts or whoop, I'll go with whoop. I go with whoop, and I'll write down the things that are that stick out. Okay, wish, wish, wish, well, pretty clear. Wish an outcome. It's like becoming part of a bigger organism, like feeling like truly I uh, being made use of, and then, like, flourishing, feeling whole more like, hard to describe, but feeling more whole from that perspective, because I have found those parts in which, like, which I'm in deep synergy with, and then yeah, feeling more alive because of that, feeling more on purpose, feeling more all those Things that come with it, giving, receiving, feeling loved, loving, all those things, obstacles, obstacles, I think the obstacles are related to the concrete ways, or partly, partly related to the concrete race, will race and partly general, so obstacle like, what are general meta obstacles? One is fear, kind of fear leading to procrastination. But they're basically the same thing, but subconsciously that i The closer I get, the bigger the fear gets, because I also, well, first, something you're most afraid of actually getting what you want. And secondly, kind of rejection or it not working becomes more painful than before, because you're closer to what you truly want. So kind of like whatever looking at a at the NBA championship, and if you use lose in the finals, it's more painful, probably mostly, most times, or even, let's say, if you lose in a game seven in the last minute of the four in overtime of the finals like this is more painful than not even making it to the playoffs in this moment. It's like a peak, painful experience. And even though you had a lot of good moments before to get to this point, but kind of there's also this peak negative, or apparently negative experience, painful at least. And so then it becomes more like I'm manipulating myself, or I'm letting this part that wants to avoid discomfort and rejection and abandonment rule, my behavior and that leads to whatever numbing, and I'm doing things that I that are actually not as important, and then I kind of avoid being like in this having this rejection moment, because I'm not even moving forward that much with what is most important to me. But I feel on a deeper level, I feel like dissatisfaction and not alignment. And this is kind of like a more depressing state, not like a peak, painful, but like, kind of all the time there. Okay, what are others plan? They're not so sure. Actually, all the general ones. But then the questions also. Like, what is, I don't want to go into abstracts, just meandering and talking about it, but kind of like, does this? How does this journal, like, create more clarity right now, to act from also or to kind of sit in stillness and action rights by itself, but still, it's like it leads to a higher level of clarity. And it's not just talking about, okay, so let's ask the question, what is what would be helpful, yeah, in this regard, like From right now, kind of like journaling about what creates more of this insight and clarity and what doesn't What do I want? I kind of I want to get an action I want to move forward with, to actually open the door. I want to create this opportunity of being found, getting in touch with the right people. What is the opposite? What stops me from doing that? Well, one of course, time invest, etc. But like, what's more specific, I want to have something to like to share. What do I attract people with? It's kind of like this vision idea could be of the one organism experiment, something like that, but then also to be able to share it in a way that reaches people, and I know that they are not all listening to this or reading the full article, like at first access or from the first moment, and so it's kind of like too big of a hurdle to whatever for a Yeah, yeah. So I want to have this kind of small version to attract people. And I guess that comes down to those questions and a quarter life crisis. I think to get an action, it's important to have, like, concrete examples where I can where I can apply it. I'm just seeing, like, all those different platforms online, where I'm at, which I'm on. It's like, kind of have this one two sentences that attract the right people, and it's related to asking the right questions, like those. In the context of this quarter life crisis, something around surrendering as an into one organism. Okay? This is after a longer break I will switch over to computer journal. Okay. 

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

[26.02.24] Creating aligned Community - Foundations before going in a deeper conversation (#2733).MP3

https://drive.google.com/file/d/16bp5TJr2OngAevspJ2Z3R06MbKg4II0S/view?usp=drive_link

Introduction In community building. Midnight. Thoughts, February 26 Okay, so short intro, in case anyone other than me listens to that, or I listen to it in the future with some time lag. This is recorded a day after kind of this community vision, my role in making that happen, quote, unquote, will realize it's not about making it happen. This was kind of sparked again, and now I'm waking I woke up at night, or maybe only woke up early. And there were a lot of thoughts on that, basically, how I would, how would I speak about it with some people who are generally interested in, generally open like interested to build community in a truly aligned way and open to what that means, but don't have all the perspectives, knowledge, etc, yet. So yeah. How would that conversation look like? Yeah. And so this memo will be just basically collection of short thoughts, ideas, maybe some explanations, but more Yeah, more like speaking it out, and I might use it later to write them all down and create a document or article on it, or I might just use it to gain clarity right now. Okay, let's start so, first snippets, first snippet, the clarity that we cannot we cannot build truly aligned community if we do not understand the universe and the principles, the universal principles, first values and first virtues of the universe and the role of community within the universe. So basically, only in that context we can even make sense of what we what we're trying to, quote, unquote, build with a community, knowing that we are not building it, and knowing that we can go into those sections, like, really deep and it's worth it, like, into what is the universe about? How does it work? And what's the role of the community in in the universe right now. And the second thing is, I think clarity that we're not building it, it's more like it's letting it happen, more like a permaculture garden, where it's not about you. You're not making the permaculture garden, you're letting it be by knowing how it would naturally unfold and basically taking away the things that are stopping it from happening. And then when we're realizing this on a really deep level, we can even engage with it and be agents of it and make it more efficient, because we might realize that nature, by itself, will shoot for synergy of between different plants, and rather than like this evolutionary process, will might turn out, over time, that a certain combination of plants will be even more synergetic if they grow together. And knowing this, we might experiment already with those universal principles. And so basically, evolution takes fast, takes place faster. But it's not we're forcing it. We're making it happen. It's not outcome oriented. It's this okay. We understand what is happening in nature, and so we are basically mimicking the process and experimenting with it, and then also seeing what works and what doesn't. And we're not attached to a certain experiment here, and we're running and the same basically goes for community building to like, understand those fundamental Principles and then being agents, being stewards of them. Okay? And then, of course, it's, there's a lot to talk about here. But then when we break it down to, just like, if I personally would have to break it down to one thing, it would be synergy, like one way to look. The whole universe is synergies emergence. It's the coming together of different parts that are not the same, that are different, but in a synergetic way, which means we have diversity and unification at the exact same time, sameness and differentness at the exact same time. And so when this happens, then cells come together and form tissues, and tissues come to tissue comes together and form organs and form a human body and form complex societies and complex ecosystems like that's all. It all comes down to synergy, and everything that isn't synergetic will dissolve. It might take a few million years, depending on the kind of the size of the experiment the universe is running, and we might turn out that whole of humanity was a big, universal experiment, it turns out, just do not work yet at this form, and we will need another try. And the next time it works, because we are we have grown, and we realize, well, to just see each other as separate and destroy the whole bias. Farewell. That is not working. But this principle applies everywhere, and this principle applies in community. And so one really litmus test, like a measure, a proxy for a healthy aligned community, is the level of synergy. The more synergy there is, the more healthy it is, and this includes synergy within, but also to the environment without. So basically, at this time, if there would be a community while the world is still in the stage, the question is, how much synergy does it have with the world around it that is still in a story of separation like this, the community, health of the community, cannot be looked at in separation, distinct from the world around it and the state of the world around it. So it will help the world as a whole, humanity as a whole, to move forwards, forward towards a more beautiful world. And if it doesn't do so, then, to that extent, it's not aligned. It's not an aligned community. And of course, obviously there are no objective answers to that, so this will and it also means you can't force synergy. I'm not talking about appearance energy, that you're you're taking a few metrics and saying, that's how I measure synergy. I'm not talking about measured synergy. I'm talking about the more synergetic, the more healthy to community. Talking about all the things we cannot measure and like, the impact over 1000s of years, the impact it has just on the fields that we cannot even grasp, the impact it has on whatever everything. And so you might have a community that seems to be less energetic when you take on certain measurements or qualities by which you measure it, but actually it's more healthy and more aligned. But again, you cannot, like, yeah, you cannot objectively measure that, but you can, in some sense, feel it, because the results. So there we are, Bhagavad Gita and all of those teachings. Like you will know that something is aligned when you see it, and you will feel it, and it's this, like people. Let's take an individual person, and this is part of the community purpose will be. I was saying before how it will like that you cannot separate the community from the world around it. You also cannot separate it from the individuals that are in it. So there is this relationship of the community to itself as a community, but also to the world around it, but also to the individuals within and how it helps them living an aligned life. And so it means the more individual people, and again, you cannot separate them from the world, but from this perspective, the more. Individual people are living a life aligned with the universe, the morality, the community, and so then there's two things here. One, when I was just getting at is you can feel people that are aligned, like you sense it at a deeper level, this resonance, like this deep inner calm joy, like the joy to serve the whole like you've realized they have become one. They have become God. They have become the universe. They have become virtue, and it will express in every single facet of their life, in every like how they show up in every conversation, how they show up towards their own body, their physical health, how they show up towards other people. I might have said that before. It will express in every single thing. And you can look them in the eyes, and you will realize, then to the exact Of course, there's never, no one is perfectly aligned, ever, but there's like, to the extent someone is aligned, like, you will feel this power within that person, and so you also will feel that power within that community. And that community will include people that are an aligned. Community includes people that are aligned as well as those that are not, because that is again, the state of the world around us. It's not about creating something that works for people have already enlightened. No, it's about helping us move from the story of separation to the story of interbeing, helping us move from this illusion of separateness to Okay, we are part of the whole, and we all have a unique part to contribute. And so there will be people that are struggling within that community. It's not about perfection, but it's about intention, and it means that even though they are struggling, kind of the struggle is feels aligned itself, because it's part of their way to go through to then more and more come into alignment with themselves, but the community helps them do so. And by that, that's an example for the whole world outside. And I guess it's important at this point to clarify what alignment means. So alignment with the universe is not a static state, anything you reach and then it stays there, like the universe is constantly moving, constantly evolving, and there is also constant stillness at the same time. But if you're want to be in alignment with something that is in this form, in this dimension, constantly expanding, moving, changing, evolving. There's no end to that. That means that alignment with that is also a dynamic movement. So I am in alignment not by reaching a certain point, but by moving in a certain direction with a certain speed. So basically alignment means expanding at the same speed of the universe in the same direction, not faster, not forcing it, not slower, not suppressing it, like resisting change, resisting speed of evolution, but like going within your own individual, universally aligned speed, or community individual, in this case, in the same direction, which then brings us back to those Okay, what does it mean? The same direction? What are those universal principles? And they are first values. But without going into detail, there basically would just circle, because it comes down to synergy, one way to look at it, at least, it brings this clarity that the community, even as individual person, is not aligned by, yeah, this reaching a certain state of development, but we become aligned by aligning with direction. And this is possible at every single moment. That's the good thing. It's also the hard thing, because it means you're never done with it, like you can be in alignment for one moment and move in the same speed and for a week and for a month, and then you don't do any, don't move anymore, and you kind of kind of slide. Out of alignment, and so being in alignment is a constant state and constant adaption in itself, but it means that you can like every person, no matter how much wrong you have done over the last 40 years of your life, no matter how much, how little attention you pay to your body, no matter how little love you spread to the people around you, you can think right in the next moment, you have the choice. And it includes the acceptance of everything. Only from true acceptance can that come. It includes the acceptance that I have not been alignment for the last 40 years. But my only disalignment, like this, alignment only exists in this next moment. I'm never disaligned Because of the past. I'm never disaligned Because of what happened when I was five or 10 or even just five minutes ago. I'm disaligned because of how I deal with that right now and again. This isn't about perfection. The way I deal with it right now has to do with my what is what am I capable right now, which has to do with the past of what skills have I developed, etc. But there is one optimal way of dealing with it, with my capacities right now in this moment. And if I choose that path, I will be aligned in this moment. And this will include the realization of, Oh, damn, I should increase my capacities so I have more options to be aligned in the future, and if I don't do so while still, while having this thought of, I should increase my capacities, but I don't do so, for example, then I might be out of alignment in this moment, like there's this 40 years doing wrong, this realization of this total acceptance dealing with this for 10 minutes optimally, because that's my capacities, and I'm in alignment. And then I realize, Oh, I could deal with this even better, but I'm resisting that idea. I'm out of alignment again. So this goes on individual level, as on a community level, as on the whole world level. So we're not saving the world by making whatever stopping climate change. We're saving the world, in a sense, by making the next choice right now in the next moment, and being able to do this again and again and again and again, okay, and so this means that the whole intention, the whole purpose of a community, is to be aligned With the universe, and this as much as possible, doesn't even need to be said, because, yes, there is no perfect, perfection, but the process itself is the alignment, the movement towards is The alignment. And this in a more concrete way, usually means synergy, which usually means removing the things that stop us from synergy, which then we will go to topics like resonance and intuition, so we cannot force anything anymore. When we realize that the universe is fundamentally, fundamentally unpredictable and new things are emerging constantly, that we are part of the creative process, of the creation itself. We are the creators. And taking stepping into our roles there, then we cannot plan it, and we cannot say in advance, like any community it does, so will not be I can, like I can say this straight away, will not live up to the potential it has, and it will get there at one point, and again, it might be aligned because It doesn't even have the awareness that this is possible. But once there is this, oh, this could be possible, and you're not moving the direction, you will pretty soon stop being in alignment. You will be out of alignment. But again, what I wanted to get to is it's acting out of resonance, not out of rules. You might use rules, you might use concepts, you might use the mind and everything the mind can serve. But it is that a servant. It's a servant to this higher intelligence, and I would call it intuition on a. Individual level. Intuition is the universal wisdom speaking through us, and we will need to let the universe express through us. And intuition, then, at this point, includes and transcends and includes the body, the emotions, the mind, everything. It's not separate from them. It's all of that and more. And we will need to find ways as individuals to act from this place more and more and more and more. So we cannot force this is my way. This is my role. I cannot think my way through. I cannot think my way to clarity. And this is, this is the clarity is the right word, because it's neither simple, nor complex, nor complicated. It's all of them. Maybe complicated, not so much, because this is like a concept of separation of just the mind, but it's like things are simple and things are infinitely complex at the same time. So I can't have answers. It's not about answers. It's about insights, about clarity, what to do right now, in this moment. So we can go for hours and weeks and months into the topic of intuition. But this will become, it has to become essential. And I mean, you're not using the word, has to slightly or must lightly. Basically, never using them only when I'm like this, I don't there is no other way. Long term like, again, I'm talking about this, the potential, the true like the heights of human potential, of community potential. And again, you can be in alignment without having that as long as you know, basically, are at a state where this is your capacity and you cannot even think of more. But once you're even listening to this, this means there is more, and you will not get around this. You will have to, have to move towards that. So yeah, this is one component. We can speak hours about this, acting from intuition, and in a collective level, it's acting from resonance. So the example is, we cannot make rules on who should be in and who shouldn't there cannot be a catalog of those 10 things, check box, no matter how complicated is, no matter how complex it needs. To go back to the same principle, which is this connection to the universal wisdom and what I call intuition on an individual level, I would call resonance on a collective level. So if there's a person that wants to join the community and you haven't figured out the finances, and there's all those objective reasons all of them speak against speak against it, but every single person within that community has this resonance of this person should be in. Yes, it's just like this, clear, clarity, clear, hell yes. Like you become part of our organism, then it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how all objective reasons speak against it. Like you will, we will need, we will have to trust that resonance. And the opposite is true as well. Like they might, like everything is supposed to live and to die. No organism is static. Everything that's static is not alive, so everything is constantly changing. And if there's an organism with which consists out of people, also that means there is birth and death and rebirth. And this can mean people reinventing themselves. This can mean new people joining the community. This can meet people leaving the community. There needs to be a healthy process of this part as well. And it might be not a dying in a sense of this person's death, but it means maybe a dying of that person, like going out of that organism and then finding him or herself in a different environment. And there needs to this needs to be healthy and beautiful as well. We're fighting against that, if we just want to keep all the people in and have been in at the beginning and where it was right, where it did feel like it did feel right for everyone involved at some point, but then we're concluding because of that, well, this person has to be in forever, otherwise we're failing. This is forcing things. This is not going with the flow of life. This is not letting things happen. This is making things happen. This is not going to work. And so the. Because it is also true that if there's a person in it, and it's like, objectively, it's all working, like there's no reason against it, but it doesn't feel right for whatever, let's say, as a community of 20 people, for all the other 19 people, it doesn't feel right that this person is in, this person shouldn't be in, and there needs to be a process. There needs to be space for that. If there's no possibility for that, for this continuously change, then this is a broken system already, and this will eventually fail in some sense. And this, it doesn't feel right, doesn't for those 19 people. Probably it's not going to lead, if we are trusting our intuition and the flow to just kick this other person out in a not harmonious way. No, it will lead to confronting that probably in the first place, seeing what happens, and you can't predict what's going to happen. Like this other person might be, might want to leave at that point and realize, Oh yes, actually true. It's not my place anymore. And so this leads to a higher calling for that other person meeting other people that it would have never met, creating even a higher level of synergy. And so maybe that person was fighting against it, but all those other people kind of, quote, unquote, forced it in a sense of not forcing it so they could feel their resonance, and they couldn't make sense of it. They couldn't explain why. It didn't feel right anymore, but it didn't. And it turns out, 20 years later, 10 years later, oh yes, this person wasn't supposed to be here. And not because it didn't work, it did work, but because something else would work even better, higher level of synergy, back to this universal principle. And maybe because this opened up a process that was so beautiful that everyone grew in the in the process. And so it was never about this person leaving, but this resonance was about moving towards the person leaving. Again we are back at this moving towards thing, and in the end, the person might stay, and it feels right for everyone, but only because, only because you have moved with that resonance before off it didn't feel right. I'm taking a breath here because there's so many rabbit holes we could go into for hours and weeks. And I'll wrap this part of resonance off that there's, of course, those scenarios where it feels right for half of them, half of 20 people, 10 people, for 10 people, something feels right for out of 10 people, it doesn't feel right. So you could say, well, then there is no resonance. Well, I know it just means, well, now this, this alignment within the group itself, becomes a topic like, why are we not seeing it the same thing, same way? Why are we not feeling it the same way? Why are we not resonating with it the same way? That means there's a gap. That means there's a dis like a missing synchronization and perfect that means, on the other hand, we can move towards more synchronization, more synergy, not by making someone right and making someone wrong, not by cutting out diversity. It's by embracing diversity and bringing it to unification within the diversity. And so this process of those 10 people feels right, those 10 people feel it in the right brings about all the beauty, because it helps those like the one half see it from the other perspective of the other 10, and there's like, 10 different angles to that again. And so we become more whole in the whole process. And so there is no it doesn't work to that, because even if it's not like, 18 people and two, there's like, okay, how can we bridge that gap? There's some gap. There's something valuable those two are seeing that the other 18 are not seeing. And if we're looking away from it because it's painful, it is painful, then this is not healthy. If we're forcing on something, this is not healthy. If we're avoiding it, this is not healthy. We need to confront those things, like face to face. And by confronting, I mean like a beautiful process, more like a dance. Dance with it, play with it. And there again we are. Back. To this, recognizing being in alignment, because a person that's in alignment has pain. Person that's in alignment has diversities obstacles, but it almost feels like they're playing with it. It feels like, Oh, they're having a problem, but actually they're having not a problem. They're not having a problem, having no problem having problems. They're loving the problems itself, and at this moment, it doesn't become a problem anymore. Becomes like fuel for growth, for more service. And it's kind of like a paradox, like it's it's kind of a problem, yes, but also it isn't. And the same thing goes at a community level. And at this point you will realize, like you have all those struggles, those from individual people as a group level. You have all this pain. But on the other hand, when you're playing with it, when you're in alignment, it feels like, well, actually, it's nothing of that. It's all of that and nothing of that at the exact same time. And I guess I'm wrapping off soon. I might not, because there's so many ways to go to but just this, like, like, everything I described so far, it could seem like, oh, there's only one way of doing it, and there's like, the way, and that's not what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about the way. I'm talking about there is no D way. There's many unique ways, like within every single person that will be different, and even more so within a community, different people coming together will express in very, very different versions of that, but they will all have things in common, and I'm talking about those common qualities, and they they might have different flavors and different versions, different expressions, But there are those things that all healthy communities will have in common, because they can only be healthy if they're in alignment with the universe. And the universe has certain qualities. And so it comes back to those qualities again and again and again, like we cannot speak about healthy community without, like, getting a deeper understanding. And again, not cognitive understanding, but this clarity inside deeper knowing about kind of what the universe brings and how. Then this is expressed on a collective level, or the world on an individual level, Me, personally and on a community level, groups of people, organisms, basically in between. And it also comes down again to this, what's the role of community? And that's, let's go there for just a second. And I'm actually keeping it short here, just this distinction that I just made was the main difference, like individual, me to collective, all of us, it's too big of a gap. We cannot organize on a whole collective human scale, like just this process of getting resonance. It's not possible, like it's possible in some sense, but in many practical senses, it's not so we will realize that, yes, it's important to act on a global level as well, or have coherence on a global level, because we cannot solve climate change by one community, one country, one individual, but all of us together. But the actual implicit or application of that global resonance will come through different i units, smaller units, and so our main working basically, that's what we need to learn. Like right now, it's either collective, the state is organizing or individual, but like most of our power, most of our decision making will go to community level, like where we have a small enough group to have this resonance, those personal relationships that need to be formed. All of those are topics we could go in another hour. So it will not be on a level of hundreds of 1000s. It will be probably on a level of, well, there's different levels, but it will one be, let's, let's call this community level, this 150 kind of Dunbar number. I have created audios on the Dunbar number. Why? How? It's not applicable. Anymore in the future, but let's just call it like this. 150 there will be sub clearance groups within that. We could call also community, which might be a group of 10 row of people and something in between of that. But there will be like all of those stages. But what is clear is that we will not make 99% of the choices on the global level, on a collective level, and we will also not make any more a vast chunk of our decisions, as we do now, on an individual level. So it's not about me buying this t shirt, this house, this car, this whatever it's like, this has impact on the whole group and on the whole world, but the whole world is too big of a gap to bridge, so it goes down to Oh, it's only my decision. It's my thing. It's on me. No one like who cares about what I'm buying. Everyone cares about that, because we're all connected. We all want and so this needs all of those things. Need to be a beautiful that's important, not a forced, and this is ah, and now it needs to be a beautiful, harmonious, fun, playful process, but it will lead to basically almost all decisions, not almost all, but a vast majority of decisions being made in a community context. And then there will be some on a kind of solely individual level, and there will be someone a quote of good, solely collective level, but this is the role of the community is basically it's the the main operating system of of the individual and the collective. And I guess I might wrap up with just words, of just saying without explaining them, dropping in a few mottos and words what I feel are Essential that will be included in a healthy community. I Okay, let's start with those with this final section of just words and sentences, surrendering flow, love, wholeness, true openness, deep trust, gratitude, courage, applied wisdom, Self Mastery, facing the pain, facing versus forcing versus avoiding, true acceptance of reality, acceptance of the of what is and of What can be, vision, seeing with your eyes closed, all models are wrong. Some are helpful, acting as one organism, harmonious, beautiful, play, deep, inner, abiding Joy and you. Emergence, symbiosis, synergy, unity, unification, diversity. Include, including, without excluding, including some into our organism, without excluding all the others, tearing down walls and using the same stones, the same material to build bridges, being the change invitation, being an invitation for other people into a new world. Inter being personal and transpersonal growth, alignment, resonance, intuition, you communication, transparency, the river of flexibility, with the banks, structure and. Spontaneity, structure and spontaneity in a beautiful dance, creation, letting things happen, giving birth, allowing organic natural unfolding, playing our roles, well, service, selfless, service or ego, less service, contribution to life, purpose, meaning, nature, sacredness. Sacredness, the big one, intention, intentionality as well, commitment, 100% responsibility, beauty, ecstasy, enthusiasm, life and death, evolution, sadness, laughter, pain, infinite, joy, freedom accountability, making life a game, being perfectly imperfect. There are no enlightened beings, just more or less enlightened moments. What you want, what you want, more of yourself give to others, honesty, authenticity, integrity, healing, flourishing, blossoming, feeling, connected, yes, and the more I have, the more you have abundance. Okay, I will end with this. There were so many words where felt kind of the strong impulse to go so much deeper into it. And I will, I will make a list out of them and then go deeper into those single parts. But, yeah, I'm filled with joy right now, and deep inner calmness, kind of stillness entered my body within the last two or three minutes of kind of Resting, resting in the universe, resting in the in the joy of knowing that this will happen in some way or another, that we're inexorably moving towards that kind of future, that kind of being as individual and collective and community, and that this is very exciting, but even more and right now, I don't feel this excitement in my body. Even more deeply calming. It feels like coming back home like justice. The feeling of describing that vision is, yeah, calmness, stillness arriving, and I wanted to share that before I now in around five to 10 seconds, and this memo, okay, so see you next time, or hear you next time, and maybe, maybe take some time to engage with it like to take a pause now go For a walk and just let it settle without the inputs, bye, bye, bye. 

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[27.01.24] [mssg] German Visioneer outreach

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Aufruf: Wir Aktivisten, Visioniere & Changemaker “need to step up our game” // Creating True Organic Synergies // Regenerative Interbeing Habitat

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https://drive.google.com/file/d/1M81HvnyLpbRyWquRIbBMEYJaGbVDFRc5/view?usp=drive_link

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Ich schreibe diese Nachricht an Viele, um Wenige zu erreichen. Sie erreicht womöglich 100, wird aber nur mit 6-8 wahrhaft resonieren. Meine Intention ist, dass es genau die 6-8 anspricht, die wahrhaft committed sind, sich mit ihrem ganzen Wesen selbstlos (eher: “egolos”) für das größere Ganze einzubringen; die die ernsthafte Intention haben, aus der Story of Interbeing zu leben und diese schon jetzt wahrhaft zu verkörpern. 

Viele, die das lesen werden sagen oder denken, dass sie genau dies bereits tun. Jedoch habe ich die Erfahrung gemacht, dass es bei genauerem Hinsehen oft (sogar meistens) nur den Anschein macht und dann nicht wirklich gelebt wird. Ich weiß aber: Es gibt diese Fits, die Leute, die nicht nur den Anschein machen, sondern ihre Werte wirklich leben, vor allem dann wenn es schwierig ist. Da ich allerdings nicht vorher weiß, wer die “echten fits” sind (und wo es nur so scheint), bleibt mir nichts anderes als allen zu schreiben und darauf zu vertrauen, dass es die “Richtigen” anspricht.

Wenn diese Einleitung Empörung bei Dir auslöst, dass dürfte das an starkes Anzeichen sein, dass es gerade kein fit ist (zum jetzigen Zeitpunkt). Dann kannst Du sehr gerne an dieser Stelle aufhören mit Lesen. 🙌

Außer du schaust auf die eigene Empörung selbst mit ein anderen Perspektive als es gemeinhin üblich. Wenn Du Dich darüber sogar eher freust und denkst “Nice! Jemand, der Trigger in mir auslösen kann. Da will ich mich drauf zu bewegen, das verhilft mir zu mehr Ganzheit”, in dem Fall les gerne weiter!

Das ist vermutlich sogar ein Zeichen für einen umso größeren Fit!

1) Empörung beim bisherigen Lesen = starkes Anzeichen für kein Fit → nicht weiterlesen

2) Empörung (s.o.) + Freude darüber = Anzeichen für großen Fit → weiterlesen 🙌

3) innerer Enthusiasmus bei Einleitung = starkes Anzeichen für großen Fit → weiterlesen

4) Neutrales Gefühl bisher = unklar, Tendenz kein fit → Herausfinden durch Weiterlesen :)

Gerade kam mir dir Versuchung den letzten Absatz wieder zu löschen, “weil er komisch klingt”.

→ ein Grund mehr, ihn drinzubehalten. 🙂

Genau in die unangenehmen Gefühle will ich ja rein und mir ist bewusst, dass es auf diese Nachricht nicht nur “positive” Rückmeldungen geben wird. We will see. :)

Zur eigentlichen Nachricht: 🙂

Ich möchte alle Aktivisten, Visioniere (Visionär + Pionier) & Changemaker – oder welche Bezeichnung sich sonst so stimmig anfühlt – dazu einladen und aufrufen, ihr “game upzusteppen”, den Sprung zu machen von der Story of Separation in die Story of Interbeing, von 99% Verantwortung zu 100%, von (mehr Purpose als ego, zu komplett surrender zu purpose, egoless)

Wahrhaft dem Leben zu dienen und zu etwas größerem zu “surrendern”, sogar größer als der eigene positive Impact & die eigenen Projekte zugunsten des Größeren.

Ich (oder das Universum durch mich) rufe dazu auf, zusammenzukommen als ein Organismus. Nicht viele einzelne Leute & Organisationen mit positivem Impact zu haben, sondern einen gemeinsamen positiven Impact. Ein gemeinsamer Impact, der zwar weiterhin verschiedene, individuelle Ausdrücke hat, bei dem aber alle Verantwortung für alle(s) übernehmen, nicht nur für den eigenen Impact. Zusammenzukommen nicht nur als Netzwerk von einzelnen Teilen, sondern sich bereits wahrzunehmen als Einheit, als untrennbar verbunden, als Interbeings.

In anderen Worte, rufe ich auf zu einem Shift in Changemaking, in Aktivismus. Hin zu mehr Integrität, Wahrheiten nicht nur zu wissen, sondern sie zu leben. Unser Interbeing nicht nur zu verstehen, sondern zu fühlen. Und… 

Denn solange wir es NICHT schaffen, wegzukommen von der Frage “Was ist wichtig & richtig für meinen Purpose, meine Projekte, meinen positiven Impact auf die Welt?”, hin zu der Frage “Was ist das beste für die Welt, unabhängig von meinem Impact?” und diese Frage dann nicht kognitiv rational zu beantworten, sondern uns intuitiv von den Klarheiten leiten lassen (surrendering), die das Kontemplieren der Frage hervorbringt, solange sind wir – egal wie viel gutes wir tun – zumindest noch teilweise gefangen in der Story of Separation und werden diese mit jedem Handeln bestärken, egal wie hilfreich unsere Projekte ansonsten sind. Während wir Symptome bekämpfen, gießen wir gleichzeitig Öl ins Feuer der Ursache, die alle Probleme erst hervorbringt, die wir versuchen anzugehen.

Wenn wir wirklich auf tiefster Ebene positiven Impact haben wollen, dann “müssen” wir auch die Idee von meinem Impact transzendieren. Wenn das Investieren meiner Zeit & Aufmerksamkeit an anderer Stelle einen größeren Impact hat als bei meinen eigenen Projekten zugunsten der Welt, habe ich dann wirklich gerade einen positiven Impact?

Kannst Du die Teile in Dir beobachten, die direkt Gründe & Argumente präsentieren, die belegen, warum das eigene Projekt wichtig & richtig für die Welt ist? Die dafür sorgen, dass die Frage gar nicht wirklich an uns herangelassen wird? Die direkt abblocken und verteidigen?

Fühle dich eingeladen, kurz wirklich mit der Frage zu sitzen, die einhergehende(n) Realisierung(en) zuzulassen, den Schmerz zu fühlen und durchfließen zu lassen.

“The one big advantage of the light over the dark is cooperation.”

Und die (eventuell traurige) Wahrheit ist: Wir Aktivisten unterstützen uns gegenseitig noch viel zu wenig!

Wir beziehen noch viel zu wenig ein, wie viel Mehrwert für die Welt an anderer Stelle kreiert werden könnte, selbst wenn ich Abstriche machen “muss” bei meinen Projekten (iSv. Zeit & Aufmerksamkeit), beziehen noch viel zu den wenig “sum benefit” mitein (der natürlich nie objektiv bestimmt werden kann).

Wir sehen uns separariert. Unsere Impact separiert vom Impact des anderen Changemakers, der anderen Aktivistin.

Und wir kreieren damit weitere Separation in der Welt. Ob wir wollen oder nicht.

Wie sagte Wayne Dyer so schön: “Wir ziehen nicht an, was wir wollen, sondern wir ziehen an, wer wir sind.”

Es ist an der Zeit, uns als Interbeings zu begreifen: Uns noch viel mehr miteinander zu connecten. Ressourcen noch viel mehr zu teilen, sei es unsere Zeit, Tools, Kontakte, Geld oder unsere soulforce.

Ich könnte noch stundenlang über konkrete Visionen schreiben, wie das Ganze aussehen könnte und was dafür notwendig ist (One Organism Experiment + Making the Leap + Regenerative Interbeing Habitat), aber ich glaube, das spare ich an der Stelle und vertraue darauf, dass es mit den “richtigen” Leuten, mit denen ein Alignment, eine Resonanz besteht, der Austausch automatisch dorthin führen wird.

Es geht an der Stelle noch weniger darum, eine komplett verständige Nachricht zu schreiben, sondern mehr um ein “effizienzes filtern”. So direkt/explizit/… zu sein, dass Du schnell merkst, wenn es nicht mit Dir resoniert, sodass Du keine Zeit mit dem Lesen ausführlicher Artikel “verschwendest”, nur um dann zu merken, dass es nicht passt.

Daher an der Stelle nur noch ein paar Teaser, ein paar Schlagsätze, um in sich selbst hineinzuspüren und sich der eigenen Resonanz bewusst zu werden.

Wenn das Gefühl besteht, dass die Sätze (oder alles andere, was hier geschrieben ist) unverständlich, nicht koherent sind, dann ist das wiederum ein starkes Anzeichen für “kein fit” (im Moment). Was kein Problem ist, sondern, im Gegenteil, eine zu feiernde Klarheit. 🙌

Hier die “Resonanz-Check Sätze”:

1) Wenn etwas einen Trigger in mir auslöst, dann hat das nichts mit dem Außen (der Sache, der Person, der Situation) zu tun, sondern nur mit dem Innen (meiner Perspektive auf die Situation).

2) Ich bin committed, volle Verantwortung für mein Leben zu übernehmen, 100% “radical responsibility” in allen Bereichen des Lebens, nicht nur in Theorie sondern auch in Praxis. 

3) Weil ich so committed bin, ist eine der wertvollsten Sachen auf der Welt, Leute zu haben, die Lücken in meiner Verantwortung und blindspots aufzeigen können. Ich übernehme 100% Verantwortung für meine responsibility gaps.

4) Ich bin committed, nicht vor der Realität die Augen zu verschließen, sondern hinzuschauen; den Schmerz zu fühlen ohne taub zu werden; und mich im Schmerz nicht in Hass oder Hilflosigkeit hinzugeben, sonden Liebe und Hoffnung zu kultivieren.

5) Ich bin offen für andere Menschen und neue Perspektiven, auch (oder gerade dann) wenn etwas oder jemand meine aktuelles Weltbild in Frage stellt (oder andere Dinge, mit denen ich meine Identität/mein Selbstbild verknüpfe) und trigger in mir auslöst.

6) Ich bin bereit zuerst zu vertrauen (auch dann, wenn es sich die andere Person noch nicht “verdient” hat) und wieder zu vertrauen (nachdem ein Vertrauen “missbraucht” wurde).

7) Ich liebe meine “dunklen” Seiten (Ängste, Schatten, Trigger) genauso wie meine “hellen” Seiten (Visionen, Träume, Stärken) und bringe das durch mein tatsächliches Handeln zum Ausdruck.

8) Ich vertraue meiner Intuition und lasse meinen Weg vom Universum führen, anstatt ihn zu kontrollieren. Ich erlaube den Fluss des Lebens seine Magie zu entfalten, anstatt Dinge zu erzwingen.

9) Ich bin committed, der Welt mit meinem ganzen Wesen zu dienen, egal in welcher Rolle. Ich bin nicht attached an meinen aktuellen Ausdruck davon, meinen Namen, meine Projekte. Ich bin bereit, Altes gehen zu lassen und Platz für neue Dinge zu machen, selbst wenn das Alte großartig war und ist.

10) Ich habe die ernsthafte Intention, Synergien zu kreieren und das große Ganze, das Wohl aller, in den Vordergrund zu stellen, auch wenn das bedeutet, Abstriche bei “mir selbst” zu machen. Ich bin bereit “to reduce myself to zero” und zu “surrendern”, auch wenn mein Ego dagegen ankämpft.

11) Mir ist bewusst, dass “alle Modelle falsch sind” (manche sind hilfreich), dass die Wahrheit nie in den Worten selbst liegt, sondern hinter den Worten, und dass eine Wahrheit in jeder Perspektive steckt. Ich bin nicht restricted an meine eigene (aktuelle) Wahrheit, mein eigenes Modell, meine eigenen Worte.

Keine hohe Resonanz? Top! Sag gerne noch kurz Bescheid, damit ich Klarheit habe. 🙂

Hohe Resonanz? Dann antworte einfach auf diese Mail oder melde Dich unter 0163-8365019. Keine Ahnung was daraus entsteht, aber ich weiß es wird großartig. Ich verspüre schon jetzt eine riesige Energie, mit den 6-8 Leuten in Austausch zu gehen, die sich hiervon angesprochen fühlen. In einem Austausch mit diesem Level von Alignment schlummert so viel Potential, wie wir uns gar nicht vorstellen können. Wir können es vielleicht noch nicht einmal erahnen.

Auf spannende Zeiten und … (Interbeing)

Im Vertrauen…

Johannes (Fischerkeller)

P.S.

Homepage oder so (oder andere Infos zu mir)

P.P.S.

Regenerative Interbeing Habitat

Genug Platz, andere können kommen 

Schlafräume wie jugendherberge

Kommen & gehen

Stamm an leuten, die es “halten”.

Verhältnis vorleben + mitbekommen

Gäste “wachsen rein”

Ich kann es nicht alleine halten (per Definition)

Kann viel halten, aber nicht das ganze

Andere Leute, die bereits jetzt Interbeing verkörpern!

Metaphor: Zelle + andocken

Grundzelle braucht 4-5 atome, um andere in Netz einzubeziehen, um andocken zu können

Follow-Up (no Answer)

Explicit

Werde nicht mehr als 2-3 mal schreiben

Wenn keine Antwort,

Option 1: “scheiße finden”

Option 2: “übersehen”

Vergangene situationen: Leute vergessen/übersehen + äußerst dankbar dass noch einmal (oder sogar zweimal) nachgehakt haben

Bewusstes Preis zahlen

Risiko, auch Leuten zu schreiben, die sich von erster nachricht abgestoßen gefühlt haben

Einladung zu Rückmeldung -> dann auf keinen Fall keine weitere nachricht natürlich

Die eine person finden, die es eigentlich feiert, aber überlesen hat (stress)

Evtl: nicht 100 mails, aber evtl. Noch eine weitere nachhaken

Diary

[doc] JFK Diary

subtitle

Intro

This specific

I want to write. I just want to write. Not talk, write. That’s unusual! There were only very specific moments when that was the case in the past. Now it is. And not only that. I also want to express myself in full text, full sentences, not only in the word snippets that I usually journal in.

No idea where this goes. I don’t know if this will ever be read by anyone, of if millions of people will end up reading this. And I don’t know what I will write about. As it will have less structure, it could go anywhere. Yet there is so much going on. Especially after the Psychedelic Mushroom Journey. But even before I had so many things that I wanted to express. So, why not just start…

→ it’s the continuation of this

[cllc] Entering a new level of consciousness LIVE (18.-?? February 2025)

Table of Content

Start (first entry)

End (to scroll up)

General

Marked in yellow like this = I will improve that part soon (or later)

Related files

[cllc] Entering a new level of consciousness LIVE (18.-?? February 2025)

[cllc] Close Friends, Open Heart → (very) personal Updates from my life

[doc] Heart Focus

[J] Heart Connection - free Journal

Transparency (“Who was here? + When?”)

Melodie Knapp (03.03.25)

Nicole 7/03/2025

??? (DD.MM.YY) 

→ leave a comment/suggestion the line above

👉 Start of Document 👈

Intro

I want to write. I just want to write. Not talk, write. That’s unusual! There were only very specific moments when that was the case in the past. Now it is. And not only that. I also want to express myself in full text, full sentences, not only in the word snippets that I usually journal in.

No idea where this goes. I don’t know if this will ever be read by anyone, of if millions of people will end up reading this. And I don’t know what I will write about. As it will have less structure, it could go anywhere. Yet there is so much going on. Especially after the Psychedelic Mushroom Journey. But even before I had so many things that I wanted to express. So, why not just start…

[02.03.25, 6 pm] My biggest struggle of today?

It’s interesting. Really interesting. For weeks now I have had inspirations & ideas to “put things together”. The Intuition-Academy Landing Page, the 100 “Mottos to Live By”, the new onboarding for team members, the foundation for the One Organism (transparency & communication), the books, the finance pitch for potential investors, and so so much more. And yet, at the same time, I don’t get to any of these. At least it seems. Because on the other hand, there has never been a more dense period in my life with so many clarities, ideas, & visions. It feels like all of those things mentioned above are already done. If I close my eyes and you ask me a question, I can point it out as if it was already real for everyone to see. And at the same time new questions came up. Fundamental, big questions. The ones that put everything else into perspective. Probably that’s why there are so many clarities on “old things”. It seems like those two processes go together as the end of the night and the beginning of the day.

Well, where do I want to go with this? I don’t know. Probably express how difficult it is for me to keep getting very clear images & frameworks, and then still don’t go to action with them. Surrendering to Life’s call that says: “Wait!”

What I do instead? Well, wait… Closing my eyes. Listening to my heart. Again & again. This morning for 3 hours on stretch. Doing nothing. Just watching my heart burn. Again & again, in many small waves. Watch my whole life pass by behind my closed eyes, feel the pain that I wasn’t being able to feel in the past. But now I am. And it seems like life is using that opportunity for a purification process.

One example? A caged tiger in Thailand. On drugs obviously, so you can touch it. I saw that image during one of the waves this morning (by the way: this is two days after the psychedelic trip!). I couldn’t remember having seen a tiger at all. I knew I was at Elefant places when I visited Thailand. Yet I couldn’t remember the Tiger. Until this morning. And it was painful. A lot. But so was the whole morning. It is said that the “fire of yoga” burns for a second or minute, but then it’s through. Well, that’s true. But if you have like 100 in a row it feels like one big wave of pain. And freedom. They come hand in hand. It was the most beautiful feeling and the most uncomfortable one at the same time. I wanted to run away so many times. And I did. But I came back, at least this morning.

Actually, let me take a break and share the poem I wrote later that same morning (today, March 2nd 2025):

[poem] Pandora’s Box

Pandora’s Box.

The heart? It locks.

At least it tends to,

if I don’t tend to… (it).

The pain wants out.

A magic shout.

The mushrooms stir up

what’s already there…

Let go or fall,

it’s that black & white.

Do I follow the call?

Or “push down & wait”?

Wait for a later…

that will never arise.

I can let go only now,

Pain = the instant price

It is a release though,

nothing that holds back.

It’s what sets me free, ya’ll,

comes from fullness, not lack.

My heart feels wide open,

yet it still tends to close.

I’ll need so much more practice,

truly grounding that dose.

… [to be continued]

Back to the Now → might become another poem

I can feel my heart now, makes me want to cry.

It is not that easy, to stay with it all time.

My heart feels wide open, but: is it though?

If I’m truly honest: I don’t really know.

I know that I don’t know. Yet even that I don’t know.

Keep walking the dark here, it often feels slow.

I want to stay open, by night and by day.

My heart truly working, releasing all pain.

I don’t want to push it, far away anymore.

I just isn’t working, I know that to my core.

But it still isn’t easy, no matter how clear I see it.

My heart tends to shut down, does not want to feel it.

For the first time in my life, I can truly see how people get the idea of spending their lifetime alone in a mountain cave in the Himalayas. There is just so much going on. If you truly want to process it, good luck. Better don’t try to do anything else in the meantime. So it seems. And certainly: I haven’t learned yet how to do that kind of processing with my eyes open. I can connect to my heart when I get still and close my eyes, when I have no sounds around me. But can I do it in the whirlwind of everyday life? Without just shutting down and pushing it away as all (most) people do?

Well, I’m just beginning to learn that. Actually: Now while writing I can still feel my heart intensely. There are still waves of pain coming & going. Not as frequent as this morning, but still more frequent than I ever experienced before today’s morning (or at least before the Magic Mushroom trip). In the past I would have stopped writing for a bit, focused just on my body, my breath, finally my heart. And then, when it has passed through me, I would get back to the writing or whatever I was doing. I can see how slow that was… And Life is always giving us exactly what we can handle. Not more, but also not less. It’s our choice if we accept it or fight against it.

In my case, I can see how Life was thinking “he can’t handle much more. Let’s wait.” And Life was right! I feel very very lucky that I had my second Heart Opening Experience those 10 days before that psychedelic trip. I literally wrote down afterwards: “I can’t imagine how that experience would have been without me knowing how to process & let go.” The trip felt like an intense version of all the restlessness I ever felt in my body. It just stirred it all up. And I’m glad I decided to take my 2nd dose that morning and then lay down on my Shakti Mat and NOT MOVE. I didn’t allow myself to run away (there were like 3000 impulses to do so). I had to feel it all out in my heart. It was uncomfortable. But I could hold it. Not that it was easy, but again, life doesn’t give you easy tasks, but exactly what you can just handle. Without those clarities and openings the ten days before, it probably (very likely!) would not have felt right to take the mushrooms that day. So I’m glad how it turned out.

Now in hindsight, it looks like the perfect timing. It opened Pandora’s box, yes. But for me that’s a good thing. What’s the alternative? Keeping it all in there? Keeping all the pain and letting it run my life? No, it has to be released at some point. If I wasn’t able to keep my energy centers (chakras) open in the past when a lot of those experiences originally happened, then it needs to be processed at a later time. A lot (or maybe only a tiny fraction) of that processing happened for me over the last days. Another thing I wrote down after the trip was “Purification Process”. I could literally enjoy the headache and all other physical symptoms I had at the end of the day. I remember at one point that I was even joyfully laughing how great that (physical) pain is and how it sets me free. It didn’t decrease the pain, but it certainly decreased the suffering.

Final Words

At least I think those will be the final words I write for today…

I’m glad I started this. It’s late for me to be on the Computer at that time, just minutes before my usual bed time (around 7 pm at that time of the year). Yet I feel released. Like I’ve taken a step forward in the right direction. Not that I have expressed everything. Or even 1%. But that this sets the stage. It feels like I know my medium for the upcoming days. I’ll keep my mouth shut. And let my fingers speak. What about? I don’t know. But I feel like I want to start a small collection. Let’s see what comes out.

I want to be weak → article/poem

The Team → “It won’t work”

Heart-Connection & Sensitivity

LEAP (truly committing to life) → that’s where it all leads

One Organism → I cannot NOT pursue it

The Team → how it could work (three buckets)

Trust, Commitment & Unknown Territory

Pain & Resistances → How to change our relationship with them

Creations → what could happen (books, courses, & more)

Offline-Life → #1 prio for truly including my genius in a group

Attracting the right people → organically, fast & slow, “right”

wave of pain while typing this → it’s meaningful! → it’s absence hurts

Sadness

Un-Consciousness / Un-Awareness → what takes over pretty fast, if I’m not present

In-Person things → Living with JFK → community → etc.

Owning my Role

The Question of my Life → Leadership Dilemma

other dilemmas → Time & attention → Ownership/Responsibility → ??? (I forgot, have it written somewhere)

Ok nice. Seems like I’ve collected around 50% of what feels relevant. 😀

And each of those alone could very well receive 2-3 days of full attention without being “over-prioritized”. Aaand, I haven’t even gone through my hand-written notes of the last days. Or the last 2 weeks since all of that started.

My heart still burns. And that feels nice. It’s weird to say, as this is what I’ve been running away from all my life. It’s by no means less uncomfortable than a few days ago. Just a much deeper realization that I MUST learn to hold it. Or I fall. And that, paradoxically, feels way worse. Like this afternoon for three hours. Right after I got back from my walk, only 20 minutes after writing the poem. Gone was the connection. Lost was the pain. But not really. Only buried for a moment. I did do things again, nice! So it seems on the surface level. But at what cost? Do I really want to pay that price? I already know the answer… 

I will go to bed now, but I know I will keep writing. I know my subconscious is still very much processing and it will do so for many more days (if I let it). So even without writing, I’m writing. Even without journaling, I’m journaling. Even without looking, I’m seeing a lot.

What I didn’t write earlier, even though it crossed my mind again: Some days before the psychedelic trip I wrote down “watching your heart is more interesting than a movie, more thrilling than the Super Bowl.” Boy, was I right about that. If I knew how much my frame of reference would be blown into proportion only a few days later. Now, one seems like one of those old motion picture-by-picture movies, while the other one feels like a 5D cinema show. I’m afraid that I will forget that. But if I don’t, there is no way I will ever end up on Youtube watching sports again. It’s just too lame… Even if I want thrill & excitement. All of that is always with me, right there within, in my heart. I just need to remember. I just need to remember. Need to remember. Remember. Remember. 

[03.03.25, 6 am]

My heart is still burning,

say when will it stop?

I guess it will never,

just my resistance will drop.

What is it this morning,

that wants to express?

What wants to emerge,

if only I let?

Some part say: Do Breathing!

Some part says: Write first!

Which one is to follow?

I’ll write this one burst.

I might already stop soon,

just follow the call.

From moment to moment,

There is nothing more,

yeah really, that’s all.

The fears that come up now,

say: “Do this!” , “Plan that!”

Yes, they contain some truth,

But: Not like that!

Don’t want to be guided,

by those fears & pain.

They overreact,

if they’re not contained.

I do want to hear,

what they have to say.

But: feel it out first,

then look at the way.

The way they have pointed,

in all their confusion.

Sometimes it’s of value,

Often just a delusion.

The big bad-ass shadow

is actually just that.

A disturbance of light,

not really a threat.

If I could see clearly,

not much will go wrong.

This germ is to help me,

to grow all along.

I just need to hold it,

stay present with it.

Hold open my heart,

let it flow through, that’s it.

Not supposed to guide action,

they just point me within,

where is still disturbance,

that keep me locked in.

That keeps me from freedom,

the one that is real,

where nothing can shake me,

no matter what comes.

Let’s get back to breathing,

open the heart a bit more,

I can still feel it burning,

yet I know: there is more.

More that wants to finally,

make it’s long way through.

That’s been held back to long,

that’s true for me, and for you.

So I will conclude now,

what else can I say?

I have at least expressed some parts,

so: let’s start the day…

[03.03.25, 7:30 am]

This is an experiment today. Writing even though I’m not fully connected to my heart. And see if it is actually possible that it happens precisely through the writing itself. Do I feel more pain after writing a few of those lines? Or do I get even further away from it? Right now it seems to be the former. So I will continue.

Overwhelm

I want to talk about overwhelm. Probably I want to process my overwhelm, so I can deal with it more beautifully today.

What words come up when I say overwhelm? Moving. Money. Packing. Finding the place. Team. Communication. Laptop/Freewrite. Food. “Planning vs. Flow”. Cleaning. Forcing things at a certain time. Time. It all has to do with time. None of the points itself is overwhelming or stressful. But the combination is. To get them all covered in a specific time-frame. For example: I “have to” leave this appartment tomorrow, while  don’t have a place yet where I will stay until the new place is available (in a week). I also don’t have enough money on the bank account right now to pay for the new place. None of those things by itself is really stressful. Even the money thing. I actually enjoy those situations as they get me to reflect how I want to deal with it financially. I have no doubt that I would get the money I “need” if I contacted the right people. But taking time to contact them, “explaining” the situation, providing context, deciding who to prioritize, set up a time & date in case I don’t reach them immediately. There is a lot that comes with it. And right now I just want to spend time and feel. Feel what is in my heart. Open it again the moment it tends to close. So basically I would like to just spend the whole day in nature. Or back and forth. But organizing an apartment to stay? Organizing the money to pay for the place to stay? Moving, including setting up the new place & leaving the old place behind beautifully? Being in touch with the team at the same time and doing the things that actually provide a cashflow (in this example)? That’s quite a lot at once. So time. My perception of time rather. The feeling that I HAVE TO do those things within the next 24/72/whatever hours. I’m not in the Now. My attention jumps to the future. And my heart reacts. Or probably that’s why my attention jumps into the future. It’s hard to tell what comes first. Maybe it starts with the pain that comes up. The pain of not being close enough with a group of people where such situations could be handled gracefully & easily. The pain that it would be possible. The pain that I myself played my part that this isn’t the case yet. I could probably name a thousand more “pain-reasons”, yet one thing is clear: it’s there. And if I don’t tend to my heart, it tends to close. If it’s too painful to be present, my attention wanders to the future, the overwhelm, anxiety, fear, etc. sign in. So here we are. I’m in a weird middle-state. The overwhelm doesn’t really control me, yet I can feel it’s there and trying to control. I’m connected with the pain more than I was at the beginning of the writing, yet I don’t really feel free either. Which means I don’t feel it completely, there is no release. And not like multiple waves just coming one after the other, but in the sense that the first wave is not really passing through. It’s stuck. So what will I do? If I already knew what’s the right thing to do right now, what would it be? Tend to it! Close the computer and just lay here. Even if it’s for another hour. Trust that if I truly feel it, the clarity how to act, juggling all those balls at the same time, will naturally arrive. But I need to trust! Trust exists only in this moment. Not later. Now. So let me trust now and do what I know is right. Close the computer. Tend to the heart…

Back at 8:15 am

I’m back. With a new overwhelm.

It seems to me that intense love is equally hard to hold as intense pain. At least that’s how it is to me. I try to avoid it as well. I look away, do things to numb. Even in moments the actual energy seems to be a “positive” one, like it is right now.

I did tend to my heart, felt the fire of yoga multiple times, released the pain. And then, after 20 minutes or so, ideas started to flow in. A message to JAK here, an idea for an online course (“From Mind Dominance to Living in the Heart”) there, a message to the team, a message to the followers of the NLE. They all arrived “ready to be shipped” within minutes. But how do I express that in those little remaining minutes that I have these days (#time perception overwhelm)? I don’t. Each of those would take me at least 15 mins to put into “reality”. Yet in 15 minutes at least 10 new ideas of the same scope would arrive. So what to do? The answer is obvious to me know, but usually I have difficulty seeing it in that moment: Let go. Let go of those ideas & visions as much as of the pain. Holding on to something positive is as much as a Samskara, as holding on to (or avoiding) something negative. They both block me from being free. So what do I do? I write in this diary. Does that make the situation easier? No. And yes. I feel connected to my heart. I feel less overwhelm. I still feel the joy & love. Pretty intensely. More intensely than ever, except for a few rare, special occasions. But while writing? That never happened! I wrote about, spoke about those moments, but never OUT OF those moment. At least not fully. Not to the extent it feels true right now. Usually they were fading images, getting weaker by the minute. Now they are re-inforcing, it almost feels like they’re getting stronger with every word I write. At least the intensity stays. It’s hard to explain…

Quick poem

I want to keep writing,

keep want to express.

Though is it the right thing?

I don’t know if yes…

I feel there is more here,

excitement at play,

the energies swirling,

I better beware.

The overexcitement

might soon lead of track.

It may keep me from feeling,

& soon I fall back.

Fall back into numbness,

fall back into robot,

not really connected

with what’s going on.

The heart is so subtle,

it’s easy to miss,

with all of loud sounds,

vice masked as bliss.

The greatest creation

is nothing of worth,

if not from a place born,

connected to the heart.

While pain as the “enemy”

is obvious and far.

Excitement is not so,

it’s subtle & near.

Both though have impact,

me not being here.

Stop me from being present,

and soon losing my dear…

My dear, yet still weak, connection

to the heart, my best friend.

The place I call home now,

if, yes if I attend.

Attend to it fully,

no but’s and no if’s.

Only in this very moment,

in the present it lives.

I do could continue,

like this now for days,

Yet is this the right thing?

Or is it just nice?

I know if I listen,

then life will me tell,

I do take a pause now,

and keep list’ning as well.

Back at 9:45

The experiment continues. I can easily say: I lost it. While I was eating breakfast, I wasn’t connected to my heart. I came back into the room here and felt fast, slightly hectic. The kind of feeling I always had when something was going on inside and I knew I better take a pause and don’t act from it.

Actually, that was one of the insights I had earlier. Why that felt right and how it might change now. So I was already sensitive to this restlessness within my body. And acting from that restlessness never led to good things in my experience. I ended up being off-track, even if I started putting the restless energy into something really useful in the beginning. I might have created a few articles or did some other creation. But every time when it didn’t come out of calmness, but out of restlessness, I would also end up on Youtube later. Or overeat. Or feel exhausted in another sense. So pausing was a good idea. And actually the most efficient thing in the longrun.

Now I can see what was happening there: Pain knocked at the door of my heart. It wanted to flow through. And as I wasn’t able to open up & release it “on the go”, while doing whatever I was doing, I needed to step back. Otherwise the disturbed energy would sooner or later run my life. So I paused and processed. In hindsight, I don’t think I felt all of the pain though. Only some. The rest would just go back underground. But the wave had passed. And so I could act from calmness & clarity again, rather than from restlessness. A bit got truly released, the rest went hiding again, but the wave was through.

I’m curious how this is going to change now. Will I be able to keep acting a lot more, even if I feel fast inside? Will I be able to process it “on the go” only by shifting my focus slightly and opening my heart? Maybe even including it in whatever I do… I can see a lot of scenarios where this could become part of the creation. The tone might change, the topic certainly does. But who says that this isn’t exactly what is supposed to happen, even on the Intuition-Academy Landing Page. Right now certainly, it works.

The pressure in my heart hasn’t faded since the first line. It even expanded to other areas of the heart that I can also feel more intensely now. Still mostly the left side though, it’s interesting.

The Overwhelm greets again

Ok, so let’s address this a bit deeper. This is more the creation overwhelm, the things I want to do and put out in the world, less the situation around the moving (but this will come back as well, I’m sure!). Let’s see what’s present…

What Question could I ask myself? What do I use as a starting point?

Let’s go with collecting once again. Question: If I had a week with infinite time for any sort of creation, what would I do?

Website Update (first page)

Intuition-Academy Landing Page (multiple versions)

Collect ideas for books I will write

Recap my Psychedelic experience in depth (!)

Formulate the Leadership Dilemma and the other dilemmas of my life

set up a Bring Together post for attracting the right people

set up a workflow for the team 

write articles on the → How can we work together at all?

Recap all MVP books

Write out all Mottos To Live By

write a new Upwork Team Post

Update LEAP (!!!)

I pause. Not because the flow is stopped. No. Because the computer keeps hanging. A situation that would have caused a lot of frustration in the past. Now only a little. But combined with a lot of burning in the heart. Feels more pure. Or even purifying. Doesn’t necessarily feel “nicer” than the frustration though. Just more right. That’s how it’s supposed to be. Let it flow through. Release all the old stuff that has been stored. 

I continue writing offline & then upload it later…

…

Well, it took another 5-10 minutes before I could even use the file offline. I will pause now first. Maybe I’m back in 5 minutes, maybe this will be a longer break. We will see…

[12:30 pm] Another Round of today’s Experiment

I’m still in the same process. I feel disconnected. I try to re-connect. I don’t quite make it (sometimes more, sometimes less). I decide to just open the laptop & write. And: I do immediately feel more connected again. As always, not in a comfortable way. It’s still a weird feeling in the heart, especially that consistently. Once in a while, ok, but a constant pressure-release, hot-cold, expansive sensation in the heart is… well… still unknown territory for me. So I keep exploring…

What is it that I would like to do now? Let’s collect first, then maybe go to action. What comes to mind first?

Message to the team. Sharing “all this”. What else? Anselm. Can wait. He might call. Or I call him later. Trust.

More? Sharing this file with other people. Rather sooner than later. Otherwise it get into procrastination. On the other hand: Don’t want to invest a lot of time for that, especially not online, especially not now. Dilemma.

Write an investor/loan message. Nice. Would like to follow that soon. But: not now. Trust

Let’s get momentum going. Just start with the Team message. Keep it short. Send it out.

…

I did. For curious souls, here it is.

Is there more? Anything else that feels like it’s time to do it RIGHT NOW?

Or do I just go outside? And trust that everything will come back as and when it’s supposed to?

[6 pm] Too Much Love to hold

Outside I went. And while the first part was a struggle, the second part was pure joy & love.

I asked myself earlier today which book I could re-read now after this heart-opening (by now it feels like a proper heart-opening for sure). Walking on the river with Untethered Soul in my right hand skimming through it a little bit in order to find paragraphs that I could learn to recite by heart, I realized. It’s this book! With that new clarity I read a few of the marked section and heard myself say “fuck yes” or “hell yeah” or just outright laugh about the truth in those lines. I was always inspired by that book, now I KNOW what he’s talking about. 

But first – and as usual today – I want to reconnect to my heart. Because somewhere on the last meters I lost that connection. Not because of some “negative” overwhelm, but because I literally couldn’t hold all the love that was pouring through my heart.

[I actually ended up starting to write the notes on [notes] [book] The Untethered Soul - Michael Singer]

[04.03.25, 6:30 am]

Next day, same procedure. Writing early. Pouring my heart out in words. But: this time I check in, already feeling connected to my heart. What’s present?

“My Heart Closes at Night”

Bring Together posting

People with heart open (intention)

letting go what’s holding back (Osteopath metaphor)

overwhelm → moving + unclear where + not prepared anything yet

today = facing fears & overwhelm → chance to practice “staying open” during whirlwind, while in action

new book = 113 Metaphors for Life

team desire: find the gold → x10 in niches & hidden pockets → silver & platinum

The scared part of me would like to start packing now, start cleaning the kitchen, put on a first washing machine. This untrusting part wants to call Anselm now, to get clarity on his support later and call the other “emergency options” right after if he is not available. My heart burns while writing those last words. I don’t want to let that scared little part of myself run my life. Yet it still takes a lot of courage and willpower to just stay with the heart, go slow, not act, even if anything objectively seems to shout “START NOW!”.

What do I want to write about today? Right now I mean. The answer already arrived with the third word of typing the question: My Heart Closing at Night.

My Heart Closes At Night

This morning I woke up and could see clearly how my heart closes at night. Shocking? Not really. That’s what I’ve trained it to do over the last 30+ years. I realized how it took me much longer after waking up to establish that true heart connection in the morning than at any other moment during the day. And that is, it seems, without a lot going on. I come from the longest rest-period of my day and I had no inputs for a very long time. Yet: I do feel the disturbances. And I can see how now: Life is not only bringing up the pain to be processed during the day, but also during the night. Especially during dreams, old memories and disturbing situations come up that I haven’t fully released yet. The stored energy patterns are at work as they always are. And as it still takes a lot of willpower and conscious action at this stage for me to open my heart, it’s default reaction to those disturbances coming up is what? Closing. And as my conscious will is at sleep during the night, that’s what it does. It might process some of the energies, but sooner or later, it’s capacity to stay open will end. And so the heart will close. Maybe that’s also why I oftentimes felt so much more calm waking up in the middle of the night (before the main dream sleep phase started) than when I woke up after a full night of sleep, after 10 hours in bed, a lot of them early morning REM sleep.

At least that’s how it feels to me. The earlier I wake up the more likely my heart is still open. Or at least not completely locked. During the day it often feels that a little push is enough to re-open the door. Just a little conscious effort tending to the heart, a few fully present breaths, a bit of relaxing of the shoulders, chest & face muscles, and here it is again, that nice burn in my heart. Yet in the mornings it’s different. I oftentimes lay there for 30 minutes or longer, breathing in my heart and trying to relax, before the first real burn starts. I might “feel” my heart immediately in the sense that I can focus on it and realize it’s beating. But what I can feel is that it’s still closed. It takes much longer to feel connected to an OPEN heart.

Inviting the Overwhelm

Let’s pause that topic for a second…

After the last sentence I paused and assumed I would continue writing up there, yet I could feel the contraction. It was more like forcing it to continue than following life’s call right in this moment. It’s back now, the feeling of alignment. Even though I don’t yet know what I will write.

Probably it’s addressing the overwhelm a bit, inviting it to today’s party.

Let’s name it to tame it: What are all the things I want to do today. What’s on the “disturbance list?”

Clarity on where I will stay the next 3 nights (or mostly upcoming night)

Clarity where I can bring my stuff, if it’s not Anselm’s AKW

Clarity if anyone will help me to transport everything

Cleaning the bedroom

starting two washing machines

cleaning the kitchen (incl. fridge)

packing

buying groceries to fill up what I took + what I want to leave behind

bringing my stuff to the store place (probably 2 walks/bike rides if without help)

take a shower (!)

clean the bathroom

let ML know about the table (if not picked up)

Ok, I’m probably forgetting a few small things, but the flow has stopped. Do I feel overwhelm when I look at the list? Yes. Is it as much as yesterday? No. It feels already handable after naming it. Yet also not like a super fun day.

How can I fully own it? Fully take responsibility for what I do so that I enjoy every part of and nothing feels like a “must”? There are not musts! I’m fully responsible for my choices. Do I want to do it including EVERYTHING? Yes → do it. No → don’t do it.

Do I want to leave the place “nice” EVEN THOUGH I wouldn’t choose the cleaning actions in a different context? Yeah, kind of. I don’t want to force it. Not if it comes at a bigger expense. So I want to be honest to myself about that. Worst case I will take the blame and hate from ML, but know I acted inaccordance with my truth. Yet: I also don’t want that she’s paying the price. Clarity: If I feel like it’s getting to an either-or point and I’m about to choose to not clean everything nicely, I will first ask a few friends for support, rather than just not doing it.

[7:30 am] Breathing or not?

After a pause, some burns and a lot of “bringing it back”, I had the impulse to do breathing. Not jus any breathing, but a long, 1 hour breathing. Immediately the “I don’t have time for that”, scared part inside of time came back into existence. “Losing” one more hour when I’m already behind? That makes it worse. Especially as this one hour usually leads to another 30-60 minutes processing. Waaaay to long! How about do a quick 20 min breathing? That’s also good, isn’t it?

Yeah… kind of. But I don’t want to let that scared part run my life. If it leads to constant negotiations that still means he’s running my life. Even if I don’t follow it’s first impulse of “Just get started” it is still manipulating my truth constantly. So… what would I do if I would totally trust? If I honored the scared part and listened to it’s deeper needs, but didn’t follow it’s superficial advice?

Clear as the sky: I would do the one hour breathing now. And it’s not even that I want to do it… It’s the breathing that brings up most resistances. To start, most and foremost. Resistance, resistance, resistance.

Let’s go. Let’s breath. Let’s let go.

[9:45 am] I do NOT want to write

But if I do not write now, it would not be authentic.

I would only not do so, because of the others that read it.

I do not want to write, do not want to express.

Yet I know it’s the right thing, I will regret doing less.

What’s the part that holds back, the part that wants to avoid?

It’s vulnerable, small, fragile; it’s the part close to the wound.

The wounded aloneness, the me that feels lonely.

That wants to be supported, wants to be held by a group.

I want to be weak, to be allowed to be fully.

Want to be cared for, not only when it goes smooth.

If I’m at my worst, if I’m not closely enlightened,

those are the moment that I need others most.

And yes I do see, how not caring helps also,

how through the pain that follow I certainly grow.

Yet would I have to lie, if I said this felt true.

If I said that this would come from a place of love through.

I don’t think it is, I believe it’s a story.

A story that keeps, from feeling pretty strong pain.

…

I have no idea what I’m doing here. There is literally nothing that changed from earlier, except that I had a beautiful breathing journey (after the initial resistance). But I know I’m vulnerable right now. I know that the pain that comes up right now is close to one of my deepest wounds: Loneliness. Abandonment.

I can see how the protection mechanisms get much stronger than with most other pain that came up over the last days. My mind produces more reasons, sees more faults in others, or even conspiracies. The numbing impulse gets stronger.

I kind of want to write about all that but… First, I don’t even know how to express it in words. And Secondly, I don’t want to involve other people here without asking them first.

So what do I do? How do I move forward? How do I bring in contact the vulnerability that’s there? Can I just keep writing, keep it all anonymous? Or do I take a pause and feel a bit more? Am I not feeling right now? Then I should certainly take a pause. Re-connect to the intention: Only write if it brings you closer to your heart. Closer to an open heart.

What would I say if I wasn’t afraid? No fear of hurting someone, no fear of being misunderstood, no fear of causing some other pain in me or others.

I would say that I… words don’t come out. I started the sentence multiple times. But it feels weird. …

I will just drop words now, not as sentences, just like that. That will make it easier.

Pain. Being cared for. Just feeling. Others. Being held. Space being held for me to just feel. Sadness. Not receiving support. Not being seen. Not being cared for. Only by the mind. Not from the heart. The closest people = the biggest pain. My projections. Their projections. Projecting projections. Longing. One Organism. Team. Group of people. True belonging. Longing. Belonging. True caring. From the heart. At least trying to. Not avoiding. Pain. Reminder to soften. Not only focus on heart, but relax. It ain’t over. Softer. Lighter. Still heavy. What can I let go? How can I open? Heart. Burns. Opens more. Thankfulness. Michael Singer, Untethered Soul. I want to be free. Let go now. How? Focus. Relax. Release. Now. Not later. Now. It’s the greatest gift. Purification of the heart. Freedom of the soul. Let it happen. enjoy it. Smile. Stay with it. Don’t leave to early. There is more. The next wave is coming. There it is. More pure. More intense. Less projection, same pain. Maybe more. The heart burns. I can feel it while typing. Sadness. Tears. Vulnerability. Pause. Really? Why? Doesn’t matter. Trust. Pause. Now. Turn around. Lay down. Now.

[06.03.25, 5:30 am] Back after moving to new place

One day without entry,

it does feel like ages.

But not without writing

that would be outrages.

I feel it’s still flowing,

still wants to be expressed,

in this way of writing,

even after a day rest.

This is the first time I feel like writing a diary entry as you first learn it as a child: Telling your diary about what happened, outside and inside. Not sure if I want to recall the events of the last 24+ hours for myself or for someone else or for the mysterious diary being. But probably that doesn’t matter, so why not just start.

Dear Diary, …

Dear Diary,

The last two days have been eventful. After the morning of the day I had to move out I went outside to the river to gain clarity on how to move forward. I had the idea to take a pause and then finally get in action. That’s not what happened. Sitting at my favorite bench, I felt really disconnected, and with every small move I took I felt more pain, but less openness in my heart. It was really hard to stay open. Actually I didn’t manage to stay open. I was back into more of a struggle-energy, wanting to release the pain, but not being able to do so, fighting it, resisting it in some way.

So I just sat there. Or lay. Or stood. I felt kind of restless as well. I wanted to “get it over”, get through, open my heart again, but I didn’t really appreciate the Now. I was staring at the water, looked for some new places where I could be Siddharta just looking at the river, not noticing anything else around me. But except for super short moments of joy/release it didn’t really “help”.

To be honest, I don’t know what happened, how I made the switch, but at some moment, I remember, I chose to enjoy what is, including the struggle. And that’s when it changed. Soon thereafter, I could feel my heart again, feel the pain, also feel the joy. I remember thinking of Gandhi, Abdul Ghaffar Khan and Mandela, and the struggles they went through, realizing how ridiculous my one’s are in this moment. So however it happened, after 2 hours or so, I felt connected again, went back to the bench and saw that Anselm called me. As I was already emotional and open in my heart, I almost started crying in this moment. It was really really close. Anselm was the person I projected most unto in the morning, when the pain around not being supported came up. I already sent him a voice message that I saw those projections coming up, but in the moment I saw that he called I knew that he was there for me. So I almost cried.

The rest of the day is pretty easy to tell: packing, getting ready so that Anselm can pick up my stuff with the car, cleaning the rest of the flat afterwards. Going to the “new temporary place” (Anselm’s AKW) and go to sleep. Obiously, as I delayed all the “movement matters” for so long, it got quite late. I arrived at the new place after a quite peaceful nightly bike ride at just before 10 pm, around 3 hours after my usual bed time. But it was good like that. That was the price I was paying for choosing to feel instead of forcing a smooth flat transition. I knew it could happen that I would need to spend that time at the end if I didn’t want to pay the price of not doing it at all and leaving it dirty for the actual inhabitant of the flat to return. So I spent those hours at night and I’m glad I did.

Yesterday then, I spent almost the whole day outside. I woke up quite late (just after 6 am), Anselm came by around 7 and after we talked a bit and realized it’s not the right thing to go deep together today, he left at 9 am, and – after I prepared some food for the day – I went outside at 10 am, spending the whole day outside until I arrived back at 6 pm, falling into bed shortly after. I wrote my absoluely favorite poem so far (“Sometimes I wonder”), met Anselm, Mia & Linne by accident once more, and reflected on how I would live differently (or not), if I had large sums of money available again. I will share all those later, when I transfer my Journals. For now, I would like to stop this writing and re-focus on connecting with my heart. I just realized that I hadn’t really checked in with that for the time of this entry, so I will do it know… 🙂

The Dilemma of My Life

Anselm told me yesterday about a little struggle of his. He received a message from someone that he might potentially reply to. He received an idea how to start the message. With a certain sentence that would only work as the first sentence, not as a second or third. The power and magic of it lies in being the first sentence. Then later on, after this first inspiration for a first sentence, he got another one, another first sentence that would only work as such, not as a second or third. He ended up with 5 “first sentences”, knowing he could only pick one. What to do?

Well, it seems like my whole life is like that. I don’t only see 10 options for the first domino, but then another 10 second dominos for EACH of the 10 first ones. And the same thing for the third domino and so on. That’s the overwhelm I often talk about. It’s literally limitless. The options are infinite. I see so many beautiful ways forward that – if I end up in the mind rather than the present moment – I will struggle to choose. Every idea feels like an unborn beautiful baby and choosing one means killing all those other beautiful babies. And that’s how it is. The other ideas actually die in this moment, you cannot transfer them to later, cannot hang on to them, be attached to them. They might show up again later in a similar form, but it will be a slightly different idea by then in a slightly different context of my own life and the world at large. The original unborn baby is gone forever. Yes, I might get pregnant again later, but it’s not going to be this exact same child. Can you feel the pain of that? I oftentimes can’t. And that’s why I struggle. The Buddha would call that sort of attachment the root of all suffering. And he is right. If I don’t manage to let go, which included feeling the pain completely, then I’m fighting against reality, because reality is that death at every crossroad, at every moment. And fighting against reality is madness, is insanity, is suffering. “If you’re fighting with reality you lose. But only, only one hundred per cent of the time.” (#Byron Katie). Writing this right now, I can see how this form a huge part of my struggle. Not so much the pain of a situation of what is, but the pain of unused potentials. I actually had a similar insight about the “unused potential” thing at the start of my “Entering a new level of consciousness - LIVE” thing, I can’t exactly remember where/when/in what exact context. But yeah, this “not wanting to let unborn babies die” attachment must be big for me. I want to feel that pain a lot more! Can I feel it right now? What are the unborn babies I’m letting die right now?

A collection of unused potentials of this moment

Message to James & Melodie

Normal Life Experiment - BIG halftime Recap at 6:30 am (timing would have mattered)

opening my heart more (vs. writing)

There is more, obviously, but I could already feel the burn in my heart, so I will pause now & tend to it. What good would it be to keep collecting things and not feel the pain in this moment, when the purpose of collecting is to feel more of that pain?

[09:20 am] Collective Surrender

I just wanted to leave and go outside for the rest of the day. But now the impulse arose to transfer one more text from the day I moved (what brought me into the late night cleaning session). Written at the river on a sunny day, when I objectively “had other things to do”, but decided to just be present and listen to nature & within:

I want to fully surrender to the purification power of life’s flow.

And I want to do so together with others who share that commitment.

Maybe the “with others” part is a way for me to avoid taking full responsibility on my own.

Or maybe it is exactly stepping into my unique responsibility; maybe I can see how together much deeper levels of purification will happen; maybe the together part is the next step in evolution and precisely what life wants, expressing it through my pain & desire.

Maybe resting with the individual surrender would be me avoiding my full responsibility, I don’t know. What I do know is what feels right to me, what feels to be the true calling. And I cannot pretend that this doesn’t involve the “other people”. It does.

Not in a way that leaves the door open for pushing individual responsibility away, passing it on to the group and hiding behind the responsibility gap of others. 

No, in a way that magnifies both, unique & collective ownership. In a way that makes it harder to avoid one’s own responsibility, because part of everyone else’s (and the group’s) responsibility is to hold each other accountable for exactly that, for showing up and NOT hiding.

[18:00] Dear Diary, … #2

Dear Diary,

Today was a bit weird. I kind of had a nice day. But I know: I wasn’t fully connected to my heart. And certainly not fully open. A few weeks ago I probably would have called that a “good day”, as there were no major pitfalls or anything like that. But with my new access to what’s possible, I know that this wasn’t it. Not the level of burn when there was pain, not the level of ecstacy when there was love. I think that was the first time since the mushroom trip that I haven’t been able to establish a real connection once over a longer period of time. Really short moments, yes. But nothing lasting.

How do I feel now? Kind of numb as well. Also not obviously, but I realize my heart is not fully active. So how else to describe it as numb? Not fully alive. Not in deep inner peace, not in liberating pain, the grey in-between state. An in-between state where there is no in-between state possible. At least not one that is in alignment with Life. So where do I go from here? Do I keep journaling, hoping I can establish that connection as it worked a few days ago? Or do I just shut it off, meditate a bit and then go to bed? It actually does feel like, writing brings me closer to my heart right now. I cannot tell exactly, but I already feel a bit lighter. A tiny bit only, yet the first domino can be small and still have a huge impact.

If there was anything that would want to emerge from that state, what would it be?

The first thing that comes up is “something related to my pain, not my visions”. Something around vulnerability, speaking from that place of desire & longing. I didn’t receive a clear image yet, but that abstract image was pretty clear. How could that look like? Would I write some further poems? What would they be about? Or do I express my pain in a different way? A word-by-word association? A fluent text taking about my sadness? All seem nice, nothing created a clear Yes at this moment. So I will wait. To my right there is a sign that says “Can you remain unmoving, until the right action arises by itself?” It’s from the Tao Te Ching, one of my all-time favorite books to quote and read.

[observing an impule to eat right in this moment] So can I? Can I remain still? Even when all the voices inside want to act? I’ve been there before. I will be there many many more times in the future.

Let me turn around for a while and lay on my back. Wait some more and see what happens.

[fell asleep soon thereafter]

[07.03.25, 7:15 am] Heart Connection Ceasing

I feel kind of peaceful and agited this morning at the same time. It’s been one of those days that I slept long and realized how my subconscious is processing stuff in my dreams. And as my heart doesn’t stay fully open at night, I feel quite shaken up in the mornings. Like I’ve went to some really stressful events. Sleep xD.

On the other hand, I lay awake for a while after waking up and a different kind of calm has entered my system. So with this I’m checking in here, not feeling completely open in my heart yet, but also not far away from it. There! I feel it in exact this moment. So… where do I go from here today? I will spend most of my day outdoor again – and as I don’t have a really portable lightweight gadget so far – these 2 hours now will be the last on the computer. What comes to mind first how to use them?

Anselm’s memos. Still haven’t listened to them. Great way to connect to my heart; it will be active.

NLE update/framing. 2 perspectives. Highest potential even within the NLE = OneOrganism behavior. JFK’s optimal environment for playing this puzzle-piece role. If not OneOrganism then… (notes from yesterday)

Message to James/Melodie. Not as present anymore as it was yesterday. Wait for the flow.

Money/financial. Would come out of fear, not clarity. Keep waiting. Keep trusting. Use fear for purification of the heart.

That’s it. More things seems to swirl around in the cosmos but RIGHT NOW they don’t feel present. I will start with Anselm’s memos. Then see where it leads.

[08.03.25, 9:15 am] Outdoor day with Laptop

[98%]

I’m out in nature typing this. The first day that I have a technical device with me, offline of course, as I only need the writing function. Finding a beautiful “solution” for that was the main takeaway from a few days ago, when the clarity “JFK needs to be offline & outdoor” resurfaced. But then, I also wanted to honor the part that wants to express immediately, put something in a file or document. And so I adapted my “optimal outdoor life equipment”, adding a lightweight technical device. Today is the test day with a Microsoft Surface I lend from Mia, Anselm’s wife. Gathering some data so I can get insights what is a right fit. What size works well? What weight is still okay? How about the contrast on the screen with sunlight? How about the battery life? Let’s see what comes out of that 2-day test…

3 days without a fully open heart

Speaking about more important things: The last 2,5 days have been kind of the same, feeling mostly “good” and inspired, yet also not totally open. Less pain, but also less aliveness in general. It’s funny that I say that, as 1-2 months ago those days would have felt like the pinnacle of what I’m capable of. A lot of creative ideas, a lot of flow to bring them to paper, little (obvious, time-consuming) numbing. Great. But now they feel kind of blunt in comparison to what I now know is possible.

…

Oh, I love it. Just had the first mini yoga session and could feel the joy of that way of life. Being prepared with food and everything else I need for a day and then spend every possible (“weather fit”) day outside. There is no way this will not hugely benefit my capacity to serve. There is just so much more clarity, so much more grounding, so much more deep connection when you’re listening to the birds, feel the soft wind & the warming sun, and look 40km in the distance over the mountains. Likelihood to get off-track = 90% less. Likelihood to truly let life express through me, without letting my own personal agenda get involved = 90% higher.

Let’s continue walking. I’ll be back with more entries today, I’m sure. 

[87%]

[09.03.25, 7:15 am]

That’s one of the days where I would like to write about EVERYTHING. Where so many images appear to me in the morning that I could fill 3 days writing just about those. I realize: I’m still attached. I still don’t want to let go, don’t want to pay the price of letting some babies die.

So… [I paused at that momen and started a Team Message, that does touch on a lot of the topics I would have writing about right now here in the diary. My flow is stopped now. I will go out. We’ll see when the next entry is. Yesterday, there was actually none more after the initial morning check-in from out there in nature.

[10.03.25, 7 am] Numbing = The desperate attempt of the Heart to feel itself?

It’s been four or five days now. Four or five days without a “real” access to my heart. I was even a bit shocked when I realized yesterday that even in the moments that I feel my heart, it feels more like “one piece” again. It would be really hard for me to distinguish between what happens at the left bottom region vs. the top right, or inside vs. outside. It’s like I zoomed out again. Part of me wants to freak out about that, another part it just like: “interesting”.

And this has nothing to do with the mushrooms. The first time I noticed that I could feel my heart in more nuances was at least a week or so before the psychedelic trip. That was also the time when I said “Watching your own heart is more interesting than a Hollywood movie, more thrilling than the SuperBowl”. And it’s true. While I had that access there was little to no impulse for me to go on Youtube, numbing in general. Whereas yesterday, I ended up on … Youtube. I even felt shame around it earlier, kind of tried to find a way how to avoid writing about it in the diary. Yet that’s what happened. And obviously it wasn’t really fulfilling, but I forgot. I forgot that watching the own heart is waaay more interesting. Or: it’s because right now it isn’t so interesting after all. Right now, without that zoomed in, super nuanced connection, it is just a thing beating. It’s still interesting to observe it for a few minutes, but I wouldn’t have the idea now to call it “more thrilling than the SuperBowl”. So, it’s gone. I’m officially back to “old normal”. And I have no idea “how to get back”. Back to the state where the heart feels like the most interesting thing to watch. Back to this elevated state of aliveness that exceeds everything else that I know. How to get back? That’s a nice question to create a new attachment, to try to “make something” happen, that can only happen by itself. I didn’t make it happen the first time, so why do I believe I need to make it happen this time? Just accept where I’m at. Enjoy the phase that I’m in right now. Who knows what gifts that brings and of what purpose it is. So writing this is my intention to let go. Letting go of any goal, of any place “to get to”, of forcing. Allowing things to unfold in their own way. Stepping out of the way and observing.

What I’m curious to see: Maybe any numbing is basically a desperate attempt of the heart to feel itself. That’s how it seems to me right now. If I don’t feel that deep deep aliveness, but on some level sense that I have access to, then there is a part of my being that drives me into that direction. When the healthy ways don’t work (e.g. facing the fears that come up daily and feel how the heart burns moving through them instead of avoiding them), it re-adjusts to the more unhealthy ways. Anything that would allow me to feel myself. Writing this it kind of feels contradictory to how I talked about numbing before. Numbing would usually be a way of AVOIDING pain, of not feeling oneself. And not I say that it is the desperate attempt to actually feel itself. And the crazy thing: Both feel totally true. There is no doubt in my mind that this is exactly the same thing, only looked at from another angle. I cannot put it into words yet, and I’m not going to try right now, but rather stay in this natural writing flow. But for me is clear since this morning: The less I’m connected to this (open) heart, the less I feel the nuances & burns, the less I watch the “movie of the heart”, the more I will have the impulse to numb. No question about it. No doubt.

And as it seems that I’m entering a phase of “less nuanced connection”, I will be able to observe a lot of that in action. Maybe life brings me in that situation so I can feel the pain of not being able to feel (the pain). Weird thing to write. And yet it feels true. I’ve been in that state before. It was creative, often flowy, very productive. And yet I’ve never been in that state while realizing that this is waay below my highest aliveness. Way below my new best. We will see.

Yesterday I said that the next 1-2 days feel like another fork in the road, more decisive days. Will there be another round of my Entering a New Level of Consciousness - LIVE? Or will I transition back to normal? The last time I said that, I took the mushrooms two days later. We will see what happens this time. It feels more likely that I will transition more into a “plateau” phase, but maybe life asks me to regain that access without the help of psychedelics (or even cacao). Let me actually “try” now. Take a pause from writing and just attend to my heart for 20 minutes. Let’s see if I can still only feel it as “one bump” or if I regain access to the many nuanced regions. Let me try wholeheartedly, without being attached to any outcome, without any attachment. Let’s see what level of aliveness I will experience today. :)

[11.03.25, 8 am]

A lot is present. Another day where I feel like I would love to tackle a million things. All seem exciting, all seem worthwhile, all seem to be of high priority. Let’s get a bit of order into all of what’s going on. I’m curious to see where that leads. It’s hard to predict how my day will unfold.

What is present? Topics only.

Moving (Ansi + AKW + day)

Finance (Lea + loan requests + team + JHM)

Summer vision (outdoor life + watching JFK live + Intuition-Academy)

Team (finance/Fundraise-Enthusiast + going with my Flow + Upwork)

FAM (Haircut + Linne + outdoor + Alnatura/Vitalia)

Lea/new flat (contract? + final details + payment: when & how much)

Intuition-Academy (Landing Page)

Owning my role (sentences + free Journal + Team relevance)

Perfect VA + unreal CPs

Attracting the right people (WG-Kappel + woofing + Abiturienten-Coaching + ???)

Anselm (Journal + Check-In)

Ok, that’s a lot. and it doesn’t even feel complete. On the walk earlier there was much much more present. It will come back when it’s supposed to.

How can I bring order into all this? More question. Whats special about today? What is a good fit for that quality of today?

Today is a transition day. In between places, not settled yet. Today is the last sunny & warm day for 10 days (probably). Outdoor = good fit.

That was fast. I already have clarity. I let go of all ideas & just make this another outdoor day. Everything else will fall into place afterwards, when I completely moved to the new place & I will spend a lot of time indoors anyways, as  that will be a natural fit to the weather.

[12.03.25, 11:45 am]

At the new place. Not completely moved in yet, but I have access and the people who rent it to me just left. So basically “under my control” from now on. And as I will be inside a lot those next days (rainy & cold), I’m pretty sure I will also write a lot of diary entries. Or maybe not sure, but rather a strong believe. For now, I just wanted to check-in & collect a little bit for later (similar to yesterday). So: what’s present? If my day had infinite hours – or rather: my next hour had infinite minutes – what would I do?

set up new space

write on next Youtube-session → transfer numbing poem

transfer poems → Future Nostalgia + numbing + more (JAK?)

Write on Clarity vs. Story (= antithetical)

Finance next steps → get active

“Search” flatmates (in the context of “organically attracting the right people”

WG-gesucht + Woofing + BringTogether + ???

Team / “unreal CP’s” → VA-search + Fundraising Enthusiast + LEAP focus

Back at 2 pm

Little correction: The “many” entries will not start today but more likely tomorrow. I’m kind of in “action mode”, setting up the new space and soon Anselm & Linne will come, meaning I will spend even less time on the computer.

For now, my intention is to calm down a bit. I feel a lot of inner hectic, kind of entered a fast mode a few hours ago. And now in a John Wooden sense “Be quick but don’t hurry”. It feels hurried. So actually, let me start by typing slower on Purpose. Feels weird to go intentionally slow on this, but sometimes that’s the right thing to do. It surely is now.

Question: How do I make the last 45 minutes or so (before Anselm & Linne come) the most beautiful?

First thought. Type for another 5 minutes. Take a nap afterwards. Check in again after that, if they’re still not here.

What do I want to about those last few minutes now?

I created a collection with all poems today. Makes it a bit easier to keep track. Some are really nice. Some are quite “raw”. Looking forward to sharpen that saw over the next years & decades.

Also I started setting up a search post for a “flatmate” here. Even though I’m not necessarily searching one, it’s a nice opportunity to practice my “funnels” of organically attracting the right people.

After the Nap

Appearantly I have some more time. Linne is still sleeping, so they will arrive a bit later.

[13.03.24, 8:30 am]

Dear Diary,

I feel a bit weird right now. Somehow full of energy as I had a really good night of refreshing sleep. But also low energy, as I feel very little inspiration and quite some heaviness. Physical energy = high. Emotional/spiritual = low.

Question: What’s a good fit to do in this state? In the past I would have said cleaning or cooking or something like that. And that feel partially true, as I certainly don’t want to do creative work or get in touch with people on projects or anything like that. On the other hand, it also feels like I’m avoiding the feelings and what actually wants to happen. Sport came up next. Also kind of yes, kind of no. Hard to explain. Clarity: It has something to do with feeling. I want to connect with the emotions that are there, open my heart. But then I didn’t have this full heart connection over the last days, so will I just “waste my time” trying? No! Trying to connect with my heart will never be a waste of time. Never. So let’s pause the day and just Hold Space & Wait. I hope this will not be for too long, but probably the “hoping” part is part of the problem, as it means that I’m not fully fine with how it is or how it could evolve. So yeah, maybe it’s supposed to go long, a deeper reconnection with my heart now that I have a place again. Actually, that’s interesting. I lost the connection that I had for 1-2 weeks just the second day after I moved out of the last place to the transition place. Maybe those two things are indeed connected. Maybe now is actually the perfect moment to re-connect. Let’s try!

Back at 12:30 pm

Did it “work”? No. Was it wasted time? Also no. Am I still frustrated? Still in the same state? Yes.

A few moments of inspiration which I almost jumped on, continuing to write the investor pitch or the Intuition Academy Landing Page. But those inspirations were gone as fast as the wind. What stayed = the state from earlier.

[...]

I actually had stopped writing already, wanted to go out. I check the weather forecast/radar and it showed no rain. Luckily I was hesitant and went a bit back & forth with what I wear, until it started raining heavily out of nothing. Now the sun is shining – while it’s still raining. It feels like a perfect metaphor for my state today. Things coming out of nothing. Hard to predict. A bit of sun, a lot of rain. It’s one of those days that remind me of the top sport coaches & mental coaches that I read a lot about in my early self-development days. Having good bad days. That’s what it’s all about. Everyone can have good days. And everyone will have bad days. But what happens on those bad days, that’s what counts. Will the pull me down, even radiating their heaviness out to the good days? Do I get sick because of I end up spening time on youtube with little sleep on a bad day, so that my energy on a good day is bound for recovery instead of going fully into creative expression? Having good bad days means accepting that today is a low, but not allowing the low to have impact on the rest of life. Making the best out of the low. Which usually means: Creating as little as possible harm. It’s not even about doing great things. It’s just about not destroying. That’s where I’m in today. If I stay true to my values and trust, then I will be patient that the creation will follow another day (or maybe even later today). Yet it doesn’t mean that I don’t have a task today. Making the best out of those days might be the most difficult task of all. And maybe there is even a “+3 gain” possible. Some quality I can develop and nurture that wouldn’t be possible to grow on the good days because it’s not really needed. So… let’s go out. The rain is over. The sun is goe again, it’s just “nice & grey”, like my mood. Perfect! Let’s enjoy it.

[14.03.25] The biggest challenge I ever faced?

Words

Frustration. Anger. Helplessness. Loneliness. Challenge. Biggest ever. Two worlds. Satyagraha. Voluntary Suffering. Money. Support. Being cared for. Ansi. Inside out. sadness. crying. no tears coming. frustration. release. something is stuck. Don’t know what. surrender. let go. vulnerability! how? where? when? What am I missing? what am I fighting against? I need help. Fear. Being misunderstood. being misinterpreted. fear of what other people think. Sadness. Still not crying. Sentences.

Sentences

Life’s intention = Ansi step up → JFK satyagraha (e.g. money)

It comes down to money → space to feel + go slow + not force it = money for basic needs (& etc)

loans easy with business plan & Co. → 

it’s NOT about money, but comes down to it / overlaps with it at every intersection because of how (sick) our society is → main expression of isolation/separation

Frustration that not even the sentences come out as I see/hear them internally.

Words

Numbness. dejection. humbled. Where was I “playing god”? 1) Production rate. yes. No. Both. 2) I can force it (money/success in normal life). Yes. No. that’s not the main thing either. 3) I can do it ALONE. There is something with it. don’t know yet what exactly. More frustration. Not getting anywhere. Journaling doesn’t help. What helps? Am I helpless? Is that the humbling? Is that what I haven’t accepted fully yet? I that what I need to surrender to? Energy coming. Image: Starting with “I’m helpless” on the website. On the Investor pitch. On everything. Owning it completely.

How am I helpless?

feeling → can’t always when I want to → whose mercy am I at? → if feelings unfelt = no free state → no freedom = no creativity = no creation → no creation guarantee = no support = no team = no money = no basic needs → either I force it (9-5 job o.ä.) or I’m at the mercy of others → life can push me around by bringing up strong emotions from the past that I’m not yet able to “handle” (let flow through)

in order to buy free the time to truly learn how to feel, I will work to earn money. Because I work, I don’t have time to truly (!) feel anymore. Only in specific windows at specific times and that’s not how emotions & feelings work. Because I work in a way that isn’t fully aligned, I create more pain in the present, so there is more to feel through, but less capacity to do so.

Money → same as above, only looked at from different angle → creation + money + predictability

One Organism → can’t be alone, per definition → can’t “make” others to be ready → only real if intrinsic → not at my disposal at all → biggest desire → biggest pain → brings up emotions, loneliness, wound, sadness → if I can’t feel = cycle from above → no creation = no attraction of new people

basic needs → either money or other people → other people (e.g. self-sufficient community) = hard to find → takes time, that I would rather spend for feeling or creation → even if found, usually comes with condition → again time & energy bound in something that isn’t the most relevant → dilemma → frustration

Creation → same as others, only different angle

In all scenarios the only way to break free on a profound, not just on a superficial level, is together. Everything else just leads to one or the other dilemma, maybe avoiding one price here, but paying huge dividends later or in another area (e.g. covering the basic needs, but working way less on “learning how to feel” and thereby passing on traumas to the people around me and infusing the world with my harmful energy)

State Check-In

I do feel a bit more light now. But not a release. Anselm used the metaphor yesterday (before I told him anything) that when he tries to feel into me he gets a headache and it feels like there is something blocked, like a too big piece of furniture that doesn’t fit through the door, no matter how you turn & (try to) twist it. I feel more light now because the piece of furniture is currently not banging on the door, but resting on the ground, being re-adjusted for the next try to get through the door. It’s not like it is already through. That would be a true release. It doesn’t feel like that. I need to expand my door. But how? Maybe that’s where I’m helpless. Maybe it can only be done with the help of others. Maybe I can’t force them to help. On the other hand I know, that I will feel in alignment immediately if I do whatever I’m asked to do. And while I maybe cannot expand the door by myself, I can point out that I need help. I can open up and be vulnerable. And I can also be straightforward, shining the light of awareness where I see other people not stepping up playing their role. I know I will receive hate for that. They will say that I better focus on myself and taking responsibility myself. And it’s probably on me to feel that burn and not retaliate. My body feels hot & cold right now in this moment. Apparently I touched something of importance. Around owning my role. I feel more light now than before and there even was a quick moment of enthusiasm. But I know the big wardrobe is not through yet. It will come back, have a next try. And the door might be (or likely will be) still to small…

10 Minutes later: It’s back

We’re already back. I only went to the toilet and down in the basement. Picking up things for the Tiny House (where I stayed a few days) that I “need” to clean up before the Airbnb guests arrive. On the way up the heaviness came back. I’ll spare interpretations, there are too many of them anyways. But it’s there, so I return to this diary. Some more words:

Sadness_loneliness_sadness_AF+JAK_frustration_anger_overwhelm_fear_heart beat fast_heaviness_big breath_desire_longing_togetherness_belonging_numbing impulse_food_inner cold_throat contracts_looking away_not feeling_want to feel_frustration_online impulse_more numbing_sadness_shame_I can do better_garden_opportunities_overwhelm_owning it_fear_loneliness_AF_throat burn_scratching_crying hint_not really_longing for release_helplessness_desire_being cared for_sadness_absence of support_family_mum_heart contracts_time_prioritize to feel_money_dilemma_does no one see it?_crying_I want to_I can’t_I need more time_team_rent_food_who pays the price?_vulnerability_sound outside_heart +3_AF?_heart skips beats_sadness_numbness_cycle_How to get out?_dilemma_not about getting out_accepting_answering life’s call_will lead “out” automatically_what is life’s call?_feel it_truly feel it_How?_I don’t know_Heart closed_at least not fully open_SMS_hope_disappointment_physical tension_needs time for care_next dilemma_frustration_anger_overwhelm_the three seems to come together_fear as well?_Underscore only works with words, not with sentences_numbness_pause?_anger_more anger than before_

After Crying

Anselm called. Tears started. I hung up and went crying. It’s not through. It wasn’t long. I just left the bed and said “I will be back”. I’m still a bit angry, still sad, still disappointed. I still feel let down by the world. The sentence that I started crying with was “I don’t want to be alone anymore”. Or something like this. Doesn’t feel quite that was it.

What I say while crying (or in one of the breaks): Writing to people when I’m angry. Could be a specific person like Anselm, or the team, or the whole world. “Speak when you’re angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” I could feel the truth in that sentence. But also the power. And no one says I have to send it out just because I write it. Certainly I don’t want to send it out in this moment, certainly not claim that this is what feels true. Speaking from anger means speaking from pain. Not clarity, but unconsciousness. Yet with the right framing (“it’s not what I believe deep down”, “it’s only an unconscious part of me vocalizing”, “ignore the words, listen to the pain”) and the right person in the right context, I can see how it could be powerful to share it. Not to say anything about the other person, but to open a window into myself, to be open & vulnerable. Whatever. We will see.

At least the writing part will be helpful. To just let it out. Without identifying. Actually to become aware of what I do NOT want to identify with, because I know it comes from pain. Will help me filter/discriminate in moments when it isn’t so easy to distinguish between clarity & pain in disguise.

[...]

[cllc] Speak when you're angry

Here it is. A collection document, where I will collect all future “Anger speeches”. Obviously not fully public, especially not if addressed at one person. The ones addressed at the world at large might be made public soon thereafter. But also not immediately. I guess I want to re-read them first. Not in order to change anything, but to get a clearer image what they could trigger in others, so that I can add a trigger warning before I publish anything. So for now: nothing in there. At least nothing you can read…

Where do I go from here?

I don’t know, it’s rather unclear.

Do I keep rhyming, keep writing this way?

Or do I do something else with my day?

I know I’m not through yet,

waiting for the next wave.

Surely don’t want to block it,

before it can arrive.

Not direct my attention,

to a place where I don’t feel,

or it will come back harder,

I guess that’s the deal.

I feel kind of light now,

but heavy as well,

a pretty weird mixture,

devilish as hell.

So how about this:

I will just get in action

with mundane activities

that do not cause friction.

Could clean up House Tiny,

could give it ma all,

until the next waves comes,

no matter how tall.

even if a small,

I will use every chance,

to get back to feeling

enjoy this difficult dance.

will drop all the cleaning,

to get back to feeling.

…

the flow here is stopped,

Let’s go start the … [rhyming word missing]

[...]

I’ll be back soon. It’s hard to imagine that I will just feel on purpose for long without having a new wave coming. As long as I don’t numb with Youtube or anything like that, I don’t have to “worry that I will not worry”. But we will see. Tiny House here I come! 😍

[11:45 am] Another Message to the team

Instead of writing here, I ended up writing a message to the team. Not exactly the same, but that’s what felt right. I’m not really back into an anger state, but there is a subtle sadness that grew while I was writing the message to the team. The sadness around “not being cared for”, not being supported, being left alone. I guess I haven’t fully accepted yet that this might be the case and that it’s exactly how it’s supposed to be, that it will help me grow and become more whole. Yet right now, if I’m honest: I don’t want to. I don’t want to see how this is exactly right. I want to be supported. Truly. In actions, not only in words. In the deepest sense. Or at least, on the same level of depth that I support others. I know that this is illusional, it’s not what it is about. I’m not saying that this is a healthy part speaking here. Obviously. Why would I not want to see, how this is exactly how it’s supposed to be. That’s insanity in and by itself. It is nothing else than fighting against reality. “To believe that you need what you don’t have, is the definition of insanity.” (Byron Katie). Abundance is not something to reach. It’s already here right now. I’m just one shift of perception away of feeling the fullness of life. And yet I don’t. Knowing that it’s only one shift away doesn’t really make it easier… Or it does. But then not being able to do so, makes it much more frustrating. [added a P.S. to the team message at this point].

[18:00] The most important voice recording of my life yet

I don’t know when something shifted today, but it did. Doesn’t mean the pain is through, doesn’t mean the next wave of (...) isn’t just around the corner. And there was still a lot of anger recording this! Just in a different combination. Just read the intro text to the memo, if you’re interested…

⭐ [mssg] Together! (maybe the most important recording of my life so far)_1478.MP3

Alright. Checking out for today. It’s interesting: I don’t really feel sad at this moment, yet I just received an image of my crying again when I go to bed. It would be lovely to continue the “crying session” from earlier today. It doesn’t really feel finished. Which was good, as I needed to be in that “in-between-state” for the memo above and for the insights to emerge. But maybe now there is a deeper release coming when I go to bed before I fall asleep.

I’m really curious to see how my state tomorrow will be like. If it continues to be like the last two mornings, then I will probably double down on the “potentially biggest challenge of my life” thing.

So yeah, interesting and a bit intimidating. There is some fear to get back into a state of helplessness. But also not really. After today I kind of want to go deeper on/in it. More humbling, more pain, more clarity, more connection to truth and reality. Well, it comes as it comes. Good night. 🙂

[15.03.25, 4:15 am]

Dealing with Anger & Frustration

Apparently life wants to teach me how to deal with anger & frustration. Maybe that’s what the mushrooms were for. I had the intention for a long time to “own my dark side” a lot more. Recently I got the chance to do so.

Early insights: It has power! I think for the first time I can not just theoretically understand what Gandhi is talking about about when he talks about “transmuting the power of anger”. My writings are much more intense when I’m angry. I will express myself much more on point, much more raw, less filtered. Obviously, there is a chance of losing perspective. Anger has the tendency to “take over”, to absorb all of the awareness and suck the person into its field. But if I manage to stay in the observer seat as well, while feeling the anger in my human heart, then there is tremendous power in it. I just want to channel it in a healthy way, so it serves the world and doesn’t destroy. Or rather: Allow it do destroy the right things, as that’s what anger-force is for: Destroying. I just shouldn’t try to destroy other people in order to feel better myself. No, that would be an unhealthy expression. Yet if I manage to write about the things that are most dear to me, then I just tapped a whole new source of creative inspiration that I didn’t have access to before. It would mean that there is no more “good creation state” (= inspiration & flow) and a “bad creation state” or “pausing & feel” state, as those two merge into one. The only state I don’t want to be in is numbing. From that state true creation is actually not possible, because I’m blocking the life-force from flowing.

So what is my intention? How do I want to deal with states of anger & frustration in the future?

First: Notice. If I don’t realize that there is anger in my system, I’m likely suppressing it, moving more towards a numbing state that is neither free nor “free-ing” (liberation through feeling pain).

Second: Feel. Truly allow all the energy to be there and experience it fully.

Third: Observe. See what object of projection my mind focuses on during that period. Anger is always look for an object. Whatever it is, that’s where I can “go to work”.

Fourth: Go to work. Express all that the anger brings up without identifying with it. Hold the “that’s not me” while honoring the magnifying power on the subject.

Oftentimes, I assume, my object will be a specific person or a small group of people. In that case I might write an “anger letter” or record an “anger speech”. Even if I never send it, it will be really helpful for myself to see what a (suppressed) part of me thinks of the situation, so it doesn’t manipulate anymore in the underground. In most cases this will be the base for a “nice state” message later. It will have a very different framing and a much more loving energy, yet it draws on the points brought forth by the anger-energy, some of which would never have surfaced without, or in a way less clear & intense way. And with a few people I can even see the power in sending the “anger letter” itself. First, to share about myself vulnerably, openly showing my projections and therefore indirectly my own blindspots. Secondly, the harshness will give other people the opportunity to learn about themselves. See where they react and gain insights as a result. But that will likely only feel right with people who are “really advanced”, who already embody that they are responsible for their own emotions and who don’t see own inner resistances as something bad, but as the most valuable thing on the Journey to Freedom.

Free Check-In

What’s important now? Staying slow. Observing. Getting into action if asked of me. No Input. Not even other files, my own past writings. What’s my state? Soft. Tired. Relaxed. Heart sometimes fast. Small waves of sadness. Little to no anger/frustration. Short moments of fear. Overwhelm. It’s a lot again. So many options.

write on anger/frustration/owning my dark side in general

Anselm → go deeper

Normal Life Experiment → big halftime Check-In

I just paused collecting further points in order to link the ones above. Instantly got lost in an old file (owning my dark side) and felt frustration again. That’s how fast it seems to go currently. What did it bring up? The “lack of synergy pain” I would call it. Knowing that this linking could be done by someone else. There must be a more beautiful way of doing this! Let’s feel for a second. It’s a bit too early to get in action, as I don’t even know what I’m projecting it unto. Plus I might get lost in it, identifying with the feeling, rather than also be connected to the witness seed.

[16.03.25, 5 am] The air is changing

Good morning diary 🙂

This is the first day here at this new place that I woke up with a lot of creative energy & inspiration. And it’s the first time since this current evolution started 4 weeks ago that I saw how things come together. The creative inspiration was coupled with concrete steps how to move forward, basically how to puzzle the pieces back together, after they’ve been taken apart in order to expand the worldview.

I’m not quite sure how I will go about this. And obviously I also don’t know if that energy will last, or if there is a new wave of pain coming soon that will need my attention. But as long as this is not the case, I see today moving forward like this: Write along this new inspiration as long as there is a continuous flow. Then do Yoga. Flow comes back? Write again. It stops? Breathing exercise. Then write again, then go for a walk. On-off. on-off, on-off.

Probably I will use a different file in order to not overload this diary, as many things will not be so diary like. Some yes, but others not so much. What do I want to use this diary for? Free Check-In’s. Either at transition moments or when the energy shifts into a different direction. Probably going back & forth here as well.

[14:30] running out of steam

I had a nice morning. I got into a flow, starting with the extra doc I was talking about:

[doc] Puzzling the Pieces Together after LIVE (Entering a new level of consciousness)

Then I turned my attention to Anselm, which was nice as well. Only around lunchtime or starting at 11 am I kind of “ran out of steam”. There are more numbing impulses since then (especially food) and very little creative flow. Right now it feels like I would just need to “survive the day” without causing harm, so there is a reset for tomorrow morning. But let’s not accept that version too quickly. For one, maybe another creative flow will follow this afternoon or later this evening. And two, who knows what that energy is good for. Maybe there is anger & frustration below that numbing and I can use it for some more “constructive anger expression”.

[17.03.25, 6:30 am]

Dear Diary … (on Yesterday evening)

Dear Diary,

Yesterday turned out to be a fantastic evening. After some more tripping (Youtube & food) I felt a weird inner stillness, a kind of inner peace after the turmoil. Maybe that was because I was pretty aware while I was on Youtube and eating and that it was kind of a consicous choice this time (“let’s see what feelings I try to cover + if I can stop when I want”).

Stopping “by myself” didn’t really work. Nor did I feel the immediate pain or got a better view at the pein I’m numbing. But maybe just going in with that intention opened the door for that stillness afterwards.

I ended up almost finishing the complete first draft for the Intuition Academy Landing Page. And just when I finished I received a long message from Anselm regarding our conversation on “how I would like to be supported”. So it was a smooth transition from one meaningful thing to the next. And I even though there was a lot going on within me after listening to Anselm’s memo, I fell asleep comparably fast and had a beautiful night of sleep, waking up refreshed and inspired again. Second day in a row!

[19.03.25, 7:00 am]

Oops (48h without entry) + “rule of 3”

Well, it actually happened. I didn’t write a single entry yesterday, and no more after the 6:30 am entry two days ago, where I only wrote about the evening before. Sobasically two days without any fresh entry. Do I want to recap what happened? Not really? Only that my natural state is still pretty “creation focused”. I kept writing in docs like the Puzzling the Pieces Together, continued setting up the space here (on Monday, 17th, my luggage finally “arrived”) and had numbing impulses as well. Feels a lot more like “normal” days how I knew them from before.

Today, I felt more restless than the last days in the morning. There was still some creative inspiration but it wasn’t as clear & focused. Or less grounded in clarity we could say. More danger to get off track, to choose something that actually isn’t meant to happen. That’s those cases that feel good in the moment (“I move forward!”) but that feel heavy later (“I didn’t move forward with what life was actually asking of me”). So I’m cautious. Trying to go really slow. Actually typing slower now as well. Taking time to journal (on paper a lot) and observing myself. Does a creative inspiration come up multiple times? I certainly don’t want to follow it the first time it comes up. Too often it is just an expression of restlessness, and once I let it go it doesn’t return. The ones that are meant to happen show themselves multiple times. Kind of like my “rule of 3”. If I have an impulse to call someone spontaneously (often during walks) I just blindly follow it, if it comes up a third time. Even if I have no idea at all what to talk about with that person. But sure enough, oftentimes it turned out to be exactly the right moment. And after a few minutes of conversation I knew without doubt what to talk about. It’s interesting actually. If I just want to call someone to avoid loneliness or so, usually one person comes up and then – when I don’t follow it – the next person, and then the next. This shows that it doesn’t really matter who to call, the impulse is just to run away from the feeling and talk to anyone. That’s sooo different than the examples of the “rule of three” where usually I don’t think about calling any other person after I let the first impulse slip. But then the same person comes up again a little later. And that’s the way I want to operate today with everything. Be cautious not to follow the first impulse, but stay alert to what comes up repeatedly. Good days to do a lot of yoga as well. Getting fully present into the body quiets a lot of the noise. While the important things still come up for a second or third time, calling for my attention. So… Yoga break. 🙂

[07:50 am] Surprising “Rule of 3” impulse

That’s funny. The thing that came up for the third time now was “going outside to the river”. First time it came up, my mind was like “not yet, do some things first”. Second time my mind objected: “too cold. It will be such a nice & beautiful day, why go out now when it’s still freezing. Go later.”. But now it came up for the third time indeed and even though I still want to “do things” I will follow the impulse now. Especially, because it wasn’t really an “just go outside” impulse, but I was seeing the specific place (even though there are many beautiful placed out here) that I want to go. So, let’s go… :)

[10:45 am] Pain after Inspiration

I feel kind of low right now. There must be some pain I’m not feeling, something that wants to flow through that I’m not completely allowing (yet). I’m still in the process of accepting the state in the first place, because I was coming from a place of high clarity & high inspiration beeing ourdoors.

The first hour or so was just being present. I was counting the Störche, met 6 or 7 dog-friends, listened to the river, enjoyed the warmth of the sun. And then, just after breakfast on my Bench of Transformation & Letting Go, suddenly I started writing. Writing about a place that I see. A place of my dreams that is possible NOW, not in some distant future. And so I got rolling, wrote down sentences, snippets & ideas to cover. Until I decided to stop and go home. With the idea to keep writing on the Laptop, but it into form immediately. Walking in the door and immediately setting up my writing space, going with the flow for another hour or so until it would be time to eat. So I thought… Now sadness is the prevelant feeling. Not inspiration. I’m not sure if I’m still supposed to write about the vision, just from a different state. Or if life is asking me to do something else completely. So first step: listening. Shutting down the laptop again and tune within. I’m sure I already know. I just need to become quiet enough to realize. Let the mud settle, so that the water becomes clear.

I’ll be back… 🙌

[20.03.25, 9:15 am]

Accepting my Leadership

Yesterday, March 19th, 2025, marks a special day in me accepting my role, more specifically: my leadership role.

After a period of dis-alignment I ended up (re-) watching a part of A Long Walk to Freedom, the movie about Nelson Mandela. I clicked on a random point at the later part of the movie and never stopped. The scene I entered immediately caught me and a later speech “pushed me over the edge”. A few teary and multiple goosebump moments later, I went outside for a walk.I felt tremendous power in my body. I knew that this was the moment when two things came back into focus that play a prominent role in my Priority Compass: Owning my Role and Speaking my Truth (humbly). They intersect at this point, me stepping into my leadership role.

The scene that played through my mind multiple times while powerfully marching through the forest:

“I am your leader. And as long as I am your leader, I’m going to give you leadership. As long as I am your leader, I’m going to tell you always when you’re wrong. And I tell you now: “You’re wrong!”

I must have had quite a speed walking uphill, at least I reached the top within no time. Standing there, watching over the Dreisamtal (the region East out of Freiburg), I felt a lot of clarity, power, strength. I knew what I was supposed to do, what I was supposed to write about the next morning. Which I did.

I think I must have watched the final 5 minutes for at least 10-15 times. And I have goosebump every single time. Especially the moment he walks through the hall after his election and the white officers saluting him. The same people/institutions who had kept him behind bars for over 27 years (!). Actually, the scene (sound only) is playing right now in the background and just the music that I know associate with these images brings up tears & goosebumps.

The section that sparked the Accepting My Leadership clarity is screenrecorded here. But watch out! The first 3 minutes are not easy to watch. They include images of horror. Images, a part of us wants to look away from because the pain of truly allowing them to enter our being would be unbearable (or so it seems). You can click to the speech directly, using the navigation below the video. But I dare you: Try to allow the whole experience with an open heart. Feel free to cry! Or Scream. Or whatever help you to stay open. Don’t close your heart. I know it hurts. What hurts most is that those things are still happening today. Daily. Very subtly or shockingly like in the movie. While we close our eyes…

And finally, after you’ve watched those two sections (I recommend starting with the second one), then here is what I wrote about The Leadership Dilemma and Accepting my Leadership this morning in the file that I’m writing in the most these last days: Puzzling the Pieces Together.

[22.03.25, 7:30 am]

A quick Check-In

I’m not writing a lot in the diary these days. A part of me feels guilty about it and wants to force it, but when I step back it did feel right those last days. I’m more back into writing specific articles and it kind of flows naturally right now. The only gap I feel is truly one I would like to close, is updating a bit more about those other documents. We’ll see how that unfolds.

On Thursdays, after the last entry, I spent the whole day almost outdoors, journaling at some nice spots where I sat down, recording memos while walking the 15km. Today will be the same I guess. At least I just had the impulse to leave super early today and just check for the weather and leave. I ended up writing this quick entry in the diary as well, but likely it will be my last action for today.

What is most present currently:

Owning how it is for others to be around me

Creating a questionnaire/process that organically filters potential team members

Re-Connecting with the existing team (How? When?)

“Organity”

Accepting my Leadership (≙ entry above)

[24.03.25, 7:00 am]

2 outdoor days + clarity

Today could be a diary day. I’ve spent the last two days completely outside basically (8:00 - 19:00h on Saturday and 6:00-18:00h on Sunday), so a lot of handwritten paper journaling. :)

What’s interesting: Yesterday afternoon was the first time that nothing really new came up when I journaled about what’s a priority now. I just wrote all things down that seemed present, then went back to read the notes from the last 6 days (or so) and it was all covered. Fittingly, in the morning I recorded a voice message on the way to a spontaneous early Sunday-Morning Cacao Ceremony with Anselm (this first since I took the mushrooms) which I started with the words “I know what is mine to do”. The process of puzzling things together seems to slowly come to an end (for now). Doesn’t mean that I can properly communicate it to others yet, but for me internally it seems clear. So now the task is to make that accessible. To use words, frameworks and other tools of the mind to bridge the gap. Today it feels like I’m just going to knock some small dominos over in each area. Let’s see. Where do I start?

WIN Journal

How do I start? By the end. How far? End of the week.

WIN this week? ⊕⊕ Formulating the new vision for the team with the “Organity” in the center. ⊕ Early preparing of the next place, “worst-case scenarios”. ⊕ Sending out inviquests (invitation/requests) for loans. ⊕⊕ Finish new process for potential team members (= “funnel”) ⊕ Create questionnaire to synchronize with team according to new framework. ⊕ Give that framework around the Leadership Dilemma & Accepting my Leadership a careful design that makes it easy to understand. Anything else? What is not important during that time? ⊖ Putting out posts for new team members (except for a really specific one maybe if it comes up in the flow). ⊖ Connect with team 1on1 (unclear: with Brandy or another specific person). ⊕ More framings around “What to expect when to associate with JFK”.

More unclear things? Gabriel re-connect. JAK follow-up. Things around people it seems in general.

WIN today? See where the flow goes. There is not really an order to those things, nothing really that needs to come before the other. What if I had to decide now? Which 2-3 things come up first? Organity vision + New Funnel Process.

Any small things that are important today? Or would be good to just have them done (≙ Zeigarnik Effect).

a) pay rent + b) Upload Memos from yesterday & share + c) physical care (take a bath, cook)

Let’s take a pause, let it settle and then get started.

[09:20] A wave of pain

There is a wave of pain that asks for attention first. It came just after I took the pause and it’s still there. Going with this flow of what life brings up, will always be priority #1, no matter what I journaled earlier.

Clarity = I want to deal with that pain in a more beautiful way. The last days (since I returned more to “normal mode”) have been a lot more numbing. It kind of felt right to numb paradoxically, and it opened the door to some of the valuable insights over the last days. Especially since I had the clarity that all my unhealthy behaviour is a substitute for belonging. Looking at my numbing through that lens and doing the numbing over the last 1-2 days, made it pretty obvious that this is not going to work. Watching more sports is not going to satisfy my deep desire to belong. Eating more than necessary (even if healthy food) is not going to fill the emptiness that is left by not belonging in the deepest sense. It’s just not going to work… Captain Obvious. And still my conditioned systems will go back to it again & again, because it thinks “maybe it will work this time” or “just try it once more”. Ain’t going to work… It just ain’t going to work.

The only thing that will work is the combination out of feeling the pain and making steps towards fulfilling that deep desire. Just overworking (actively searching for people) without feeling the pain is not going to work either. If I haven’t felt the pain, I will take action out of desperation, not out of inspiration & clarity. And so I will re-create that energy, that lack in whatever I do. Just feeling the pain without taking active steps is not going to work either. Because that voice “I want to belong!” is not going to get more quite, if I ignore the message it wants to bring to the table. So I need both. Whenever there is inspiration and creative energy available, invest it into the direction of my deepest true-self desire. Take active steps (even if that might only mean “Journaling” or “going to nature” or anything like that), get the momentum going. Knock over dominos. But then when there is pain: Stop! Otherwise I will keep pouring energy into a water wheel that turns in the wrong direction. I will cause more harm than doing good. Stop and feel the pain. Maybe express it in poems, a drawing, anything that helps me feel and access the stored emotions (emotion → e-motion → energy in motion). But take a complete shift from what I was doing before. Don’t force any continuation of the creation I was working on before out of inspiration. It might get back there naturally, like the poem becoming an essential part of attracting the right people, but that can’t be planned. It might happen. Or it might not. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m fully present with what life is presenting me at that moment. And if it’s pain then it’s likely something else than if it’s creative inspiration.

[16:45] My new favorite poem?

The day went differently. I went outside with the wave of pain, but it quickly subsided, giving way to a peaceful state and quiet inspiration, resulting in my maybe new favorite poem. It wasn’t even finished, but then a new wave of pain came. This one I didn’t handle so well. Some numbing and a hot bath later, I’m writing this, just before heading out for a second time today. But first, I’m going to type down my new favorite poem (to the extent it’s finished). It’s a long one. Meaningful and long. “Long” – that’s the right keyword actually…

We long to belong

to what’s right, not what’s wrong.

To take part in life’s song.

Will take more time. But how long?

Even if content right now,

I do know: there is more.

Collective Surrender.

That’s what is at Life’s core.

Act not as I, but as Us.

Leave separation behind.

Live from a much higher wisdom,

not from the egoic mind.

Transcend the I, even the We.

Both are small, both are not “All”.

Expand your vision of “Is”

or chose unconsciously to fall.

Clearly see with eyes closed,

not what is, but what can be,

Just stop to hold yourself small!

And you can see what I see.

There is more, more to life

than we allow it to be.

We pretend to be happy,

but in truth, we’re not free.

We live in prison indeed.

What is worse: We don’t mind.

We even admire the walls

of our egoic mind.

Our Collective Ego

runs our lives, keeps us small.

If we’d just stop to protect it,

we could access the “All”.

Darkness is mere, but a choice

to not fully step in.

To walk below our potential

as a Collective Being

We can choose the light,

not some day, but right now!

Yet this includes a direction

of what can be, what is right

We cannot settle for less

than the highest we can see.

Otherwise we choose to suffer,

stop ourselves to be free.

An ideal so high that it’s scary,

that wakes up our deepest fear.

Only then it’s the potential,

can be to you & me dear.

A vision so beautiful,

it is recognized by all.

Universally true, good,

a Yes to Life’s deepest call.

Interbeing in action,

not by few, but by all.

Knowing it will never “get there”

But: I can give it my all.

It’s about the intention,

the direction we follow.

Not about (fake) perfection,

the results are quite hollow.

Yes an intention that’s true!

Otherwise, it ain’t it.

An intention that’s pure.

It means: We must commit!

True commitment to life,

real surrender to “It”.

Make the LEAP & be guided.

= Your inner fire is lid.

Birthing One Organism,

a being larger than “I”.

We’ll face immense resistance.

It’s worth the pain! Shall we try?

There’s more than we can imagine,

more to life than we think.

But we need to allow it,

expand ourselves, and not shrink.

Stop playing small!

This ain’t how it’s supposed to be.

Close your eyes, look with your heart

and you will see what I see.

We can be more, can be free,

We do not need to wait.

But we need to step up now,

or soon it might be too late.

Responsibility means Now.

start acting true to yourself.

Listen to your intuition,

experience true inner wealth.

Own your life! But: Don’t stop.

You are larger than that!

Own the We, then the All.

You’ll enjoy it, I bet.

Inner Peace is the impact.

Abiding joy – it’ll feel nice!

Why wouldn’t you want that?

Well, there is also … a price.

Full version: [poem] We long to belong

[25.03.25, 8:00 am]

I desire to have more & deeper synergy with the people I’m closest with

That’s not how it’s supposed to be (society, collect examples, write about)

I would like to be supported (→ message for financial loan requests?)

This morning started with a wave of pain. I just typed down the things that were most present.

That’s not how it’s supposed to be

It’s not supposed to be like that. That we’re flying to Thailand for vacation to get a relief from the sickness of where we live. That we have a kitchen in every apartment, but every one is only used a fraction of the time. That people are waiting for buses, while 50 cars drive by. That we store things in basement boxes while our neighbor buys the same thing on amazon. That we don’t even try to find those synergetic matches, because the finding itself takes up too much work, too much time.

It’s not supposed to be that way, that the landlords decide who lives in their house, but the direct neighbors are not even asked. That we’re travelling through town to meet the people who we really want to spend time with. That we’re cooking with ¼ of a Zucchini, ⅓ of a paprika and ½ of an onion, because we haven’t learned how to do things together. That nature has fences around it, because people claim that it belongs to them.

It’s not supposed to be like that. It’s not supposed to be that people are working in jobs that kill their souls, in order to earn money they need to buy things that fill the inner emptiness left behind. That I’m numbing myself on youtube at the same time as someone else does the same thing, while we would have a meaningful conversation if we shared a space. That I’m holding my weakness back out of fear, while my vulnerability would plant exactly the seed that leads in a direction where I wouldn’t need to be afraid.

It’s not supposed to be that way that we rather leave spaces empty and things unused, because the risk is so high that they use it in a way not aligned with us. That we send stuff with the post, while there are hundreds of cars are driving exactly that route

[28.03.25, 7:50 am] Life’s guidance is always present

I’m laying on the ground, unsure what’s the right thing to do. The Journal “What’s important today?” didn’t bring much clarity either. So I journal. And lay down. Trusting Lao Tzu: “Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself?” I write down a few things here and there. None calls for immediate action. Suddenly the phone rings. It’s Anselm. He asks for my support facing resistances. Not a second of a doubt. All the things I wrote down, all the important things I could have done (Team + financials + next place), become irrelevant within a matter of seconds. There is total clarity about what life is asking of me. I have around 30 more minutes. I might even naturally cover all those other points within that time. Suddenly there is energy. Suddenly life-force is flowing through me. I’m on purpose.

[30.03.25, 16:00] Outdoor Life can begin

My new (refurbished) chromebook arrived. Now I can finally write where I am, taking it with me in my backback everywhere. This is basically the first try. Battery life seems fine, brightness as well, so no more excuses for not writing diary entries. Or messages. Or journals. Or anything. And since the weather is supposed to get warmer and warmer from Wednesday on, I will likely spend most of the time of most of the days outdoor. Just packing food in the morning and then go. My dream would be that this works in a way that productivity (including synergies with other people) stays the same, or even skyrockets. Obviously, the team (“complementary puzzle pieces” + “perfect VA”) is still missing, but at least I can now properly start on my end.

My state = A bit weird

My state the last days is a bit weird. There is a lot of numbing impulses, while also having a lot of inspiration, clarity & creativity. But something is certainly not felt yet that wants to be felt. Some pain is knocking at the door, waiting to pass the gate. But I’m not quite letting it. Maybe it’s in context to the team. I joined the first call after 6 weeks on Friday and realized quickly (after feeling quite some pain) that it’s dead. Here is the message I wrote to the team yesterday.

But it’s not just that. Either there is more or it’s just an expression of something deeper. I did a small fire funeral with Anselm yesterday, where I realized that a) I have a hard time grieving properly. Anselm called it sacred grief. And b) that we’re getting closer to some fundamental things in my life. Just the theme of bringing people together (rather than “just” creating an Intuition-Academy or Online Course) seems to sit much deeper at the core of what I’m called to do. Intuition and Online Courses certainly have a big role to play. But they are not IT. They are nice by-products and entry doors to IT. The “bringing people together” part is pretty relevant. In my priority compass I had put “Attracting the richtg people” in the centre. All other priorities like LEAP & One Organism, personal self-mastery and owning my dark side were both super super relevant AND only relevant as long as they were in service to attracting the right people. It seems I kind of lost the importance of it over the last 10 months or so. It kind of flickered here and there but when I look at my past actions it doesn’t quite do it justice. There is a gap between how important it is to me and how it looks from my actions alone. So here I am back. And probably also here is another wave of pain riding along. Connected to loneliness, to the deep desire to belong. The desire to deeply belong. The deep desire to deeply belong.

But let’s move on. It’s time for a change of places. Get the chromebook back in the backpack and continue to walk.

April = empty

I completely lost it in April. I don’t even know how anymore. And why I didn’t get back to it at all. Yes, circumstances & priorities changed. But so they do all the time. There would have been more than enough situations to still write a diary entry. I just chose not to. I don’t know why. Maybe to realize it’s value on a deeper level through its absence. Because know that I wrote the first entry after my return (07.05.25) I can immediately feel the impact it has. My inner stillness increases, my clarity sky-rockets, my processing happens smoother. I can feel just so much more flow, especially with the things (feelings) that got stuck, that blocked energy. It seems like this (diary) is a transmuting tool for me, one of my personal ‘alchemists’. So let’s align my action with that insight and set up some alarms to remind myself of writing the diary. I hope I will not need them over time and the natural flow will (naturally) lead there. But for the start this will be helpful. At least 3x

[07.05.25, 7:00 am] I failed (miserably)

I failed. I failed miserably.

Life just presented me an opportunity. Threw at me a test, a challenge. How far am I? How much can I keep my heart open while also keeping my eyes open (and not looking away)? How loving can I be? How safe is the space I can hold for other people to show themselves authentically?

Life sent a “couchsurfer” to my place where I could explore all those questions. And I failed.

I didn’t manage to keep my heart open. I wasn’t able to accept the situation fully as it is. I wasn’t able to show myself vulnerably. I mean real vulnerability. Not the one where I still keep the control and basically use vulnerability as a tool. I didn’t even fully try. So coming up with the “Intention vs. Perfection” motto wouldn’t be help either. I would only use it as a shield to protect myself from the pain how miserably I have failed. I didn’t have the real intention. My actions proved otherwise, the choices I made revealed my priorities. And so I failed. Emma just left a few minutes ago.

The space feels clear again, lighter. And yet I know this was an opportunity. One I missed. But one that will be an important learning for the future. Not only did it lead to me re-starting this diary (I’ve have “had the intention” for a while now), it will also bring forth growth in many different areas, seen & unseen, directly connected to this visit & indirectly. I know it does. That’s the healthy part (best case) that doesn’t want to be in uncomfortable situations again. In the unhealthy version this “I